Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Stood up to sister: result-she attacked me

Hi everyone,
After said attack which was brutal, my mother told me to rise about it and be the bigger person. My other sister witnessed attack and she was going to phone police.

She’s come at me before with a knife. Attacked me before physically, verbally EVERY day. I live beside her with other sister (we moved beside her to get away from abusive alcoholic father as we couldn’t live there with him and my mum because my mum didnt protect us and she was abusive as well). We moved beside each other to support each other and to keep an eye on her because of her diagnosis.

But she’s threatening me now to move, telling me to stay away from her. She’s tormented me so much before that I had to move back in with parents even though I was still paying for the flat and not living in it.

I’m thinking of reporting her for assault. I’ve decided to go to her careworker and tell him what she did to me. He’s shirking his responsibilities and not checking up on her as he should be.

As regards living situation, I dont know waht to do. Should I let her bully me into finding a new place? She is making my life miserable. I have no support from any friends, etc because my father raped us all when we were younger and took us to a religious cult. It’s just the medical professionals in my life. My sisters are all i’ve got really but if I move i’ll be on my own and feel isolated. If I stay, i’ll just continue to be abused by my sister. And interestingly, she only abuses me. How can a schizophrenic be so selective? It makes me think she’s not evil at all because her abuse is always so targeted towards me. I dont know what to do.
What would any of you do? Would you just find somewhere new to live away from them both, or would you stay and stand up to her at the risk of being attacked again? Should I tell her keyworker? She’s badmouthed me to him, blaming everything on me, but I’m due to see the same mental health professionals soon so I can clear my name that way.
Sometimes I think she’s posessed by a demon.
Anyone any ideas?
Thanks, C

Move a 1000 miles away and start over…

Hi , So sorry to hear your stress , firstly i would speak to her care worker and also mention perhaps her meds ( if she is taking any ) may need adjusting or changing . Many people with this disease can focus on one person to torment but you need to understand its not your sister its the disease that is making her abuse you . If i were you i would not move just yet , i would try and speak with her doctor who prescribes her meds and let him/her know what’s going on as she sounds psychotic . You sister clearly needs help , she is not in her right state of mind . I know how you feel as i get the worse of it from my son too when he gets psychotic but i remind myself its not him its the disease talking . I know its not easy , trust me I’ve been through hell and back … one day at a time .

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My personal thought is that you need to separate yourself from the toxic and potentially dangerous setting, and also begin getting therapy and other assistance to help you recover.

I agree wholeheartedly. Her doctor/care giver needs to know about violent tendencies, perhaps this could be the mechanism to get her into a facility to get the correct treatment.

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I’m reading what you have to say. You are strong and smart enough to be here on this forum asking questions, and that means you have the strength and intelligence to take whatever steps you need to take and address your isolation.

Knowing only what you shared, if I were you, I would leave. Don’t worry about clearing your name, explaining or justifying yourself. If you don’t want this life or the threats involved with it then you are under NO OBLIGATION to feel guilt or shame to continue living there.

Even if your family left the cult, it’s very likely they are still living, feeling and thinking in similar patterns as they were inside the cult (unless treated,) and that only strengthens the abuse cycles.

I know what it’s like to fear leaving. Felt the waves of anxiety/panic over months that come when you’re actually detaching. There is unbelievable freedom and relief that comes when you’re out. By out I mean you are free to think and act for yourself without worrying about how family will react. All the energy you used to spend on just the inner debate/thoughts about the verbal abuse in particular will be available for being a functional human and sharing the power you have from that in other ways. You can still call, you can still send money. You can visit if it feels safe to do so. Only do those things when it works for you and excuse yourself from the call or visit if they start telling you what to think, feel or do.

Maybe you really want to stay in the house or duplex you’re sharing with your sisters. Ask yourself if this is really your forever home, because depending on how long your sister was there and what happened, it may take time for the house to feel normal again. If it’s a forever home, then you can fight to keep it, otherwise do whatever you need to do to be safe and not goddamn stabbed!

It sounds like you don’t have to choose between staying and homelessness. If that is the choice, then it is still worth leaving. Homelessness is stressful but it is so much better to sleep in a car at the edge of a college campus for a few weeks while saving up than living with active, unchecked violence.

Getting your sister out of the house can happen but it would take time with notice or, the police can get her out faster with an arrest. You can read the rental/tenants rights laws in your area. Sounds like you don’t want an arrest right away.

If you don’t have good friends then start going to a gym with group workouts involving people your age. Could be yoga, cycling, swimming, crossfit, adult martial arts… Get to know people’s names. When you don’t feel like talking you can keep to yourself and just focus on the workout. When you feel like talking then linger and just bring up whatever you feel like talking about that day. If you don’t know what to talk about but know you want social interaction then setup a google news feed on topics you’re interested in and read 2-3 articles a day, ask someone if you can tell them a story, and make a point to describe what you read about. Ask gym friends out to group dinners. Talk as much or as little with them as you want and if people snub you or make you feel unwanted, then fuck them and move again. If you find yourself in new toxic communities then don’t panic or beat yourself up for not seeing it and just keep moving on, it takes practice to really identify where real, safe, non-abusive communities are. Our best friend and roommate is from the gym and she left a house where she was emotionally abused/harassed constantly.

Hope this is useful/affirming to you and whatever you do.

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Your personal safety comes first. Period. The first thing you need to do is whatever keeps you safe.

I used to have professional contact with individuals who had badly injured or killed family members while mentally ill. It hugely complicated their recovery.

Trust me. It is best for you, your sister and probably your family as well that you do not stay in a position that allows her to potentially hurt you.