My family life has been in complete turmoil for the past month my husband was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 15. He is now 43 he recently in early October went on a non-compliance with this medication and was hospitalized. they took him off his Risperdal consta shots which were every two weeks at 125 mg and put him on invega sustenna they released him from the hospital in 2 days I’ve had law enforcement and everything else here I tried to hospitalize him again they wouldn’t keep him because it was a against his civil rights I’m losing my mind I’m trying to work full-time and take care of our two children I need help and I don’t know what to do. his sleeping patterns are awful he might sleep 3 hours a night he smokes so many cigarettes and so much marijuana he’s hurting me financially he’s hurting me mentally and our home is just a wreck of a mess everytime I talk to a doctor or law enforcement they act like well he’s not hurting you he’s not committing suicide so we can’t do anything so what am I supposed to do just leave and let him kill himself or kill someone I let him go absolutely crazy what kind of person would that make me?
Marihuana is a terrible problem, every time my brother smokes his schizo becomes worse. There arent many hopes if he is smoking very often, he has to stop it. In time use some drops of an full blocker antipsychotic like alloperidin or clopixol becaure risperdal is an atypical one ( a partial blocker of d receptors) and invega is actually the metabolite of risperdal so its almost the same drug. Sleeping is very important for all of you and especially for the kids, it would be better if the grandma could help by accepting the children at home. But you have to be very careful if he starts to be aggressive. Keep the balance, dont worry you can do it, its not easy at all but you can.
Hope for the best for you.
Do not hesitate to call the cops if he is a danger to himself or anyone else. Just keep doing it until the system finally does something about it.
It might be in your best interest to leave or get family to help with the kids.
Abea, I am so sorry, we all know how bad it is when its complete turmoil. Those of us who live in areas that don’t have any help available, well it just sucks for us.
None of us are bad people for not being able to help our loved ones with mental illness. You are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Can family help out as two people have advised, that’s good advice. Call the police and find out if your police (city) sheriff’s (rural) has a crisis intervention team or a mental health officer. As GSSP said, do not hesitate if he presents a danger to himself or anyone else. Its okay to call them at the slightest threat.
The first thing that comes to my is the safety of you and your children. Is there absolutely no way you can have your husband committed? Is he under a psychiatrist or have/had a case manager? If so, try and maybe contsct them.
It sure isnt easy and we all want you to find a way through this crisis.
If I leave what problem will that solve? He needs help! I need help getting him help. He thinks he’s not doing anything wrong by not sleeping and not eating. He thinks his ssi contribution is enough to cover his habits. He has a doc appt tomorrow and told me I couldn’t go. I’m tired of crying victim but I am! My mom helps as much as possible. But she is 70 and can only do so much. My marriage is falling apart fast.
By the way he’s smart he knows what to say to stay out of the hospital. He also knows what not to stay. I don’t want to lie about getting him committed, but if something doesn’t happen soon I’ll be committed.
Yep, both mine are very intelligent… or were at one time…
How old are the two kids? Leaving or preparing to leave might get him off illegal drugs… The bottom line is that he is an adult and there is not much you can do if he refuses treatment. As I stated above the system can help him, its just how he gets there is the question. If he is a threat you must call the cops… Over and Over again till they take him in for long term help…
Abea, I’m sorry you are going through this. Like one other poster here said, most of us w a mentally ill loved one have also faced chaotic home lives.
My ex husband has paranoid sz. It got to the point where he couldn’t work, and I was the “bread winner,” for our household. Often, he’d call me at work and scream and rant to me. It was so hard for me to hold it together at my very stressful job.
We didn’t have kids, so at least that wasn’t an issue. Don’t feel bad if you have to leave for your own sanity and/or safety–even if it’s only temporary. Maybe that would be incentive for him to change.
Is it possible that the effects of the Invega hasn’t kicked in yet? That is, if he is still taking it.
I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like what many of us have been through, the total inability to get treatment for a very ill and loved family member. This is not your fault or your husband’s. This is the current lack of treatment for mental illness in the US today.
I also vote for you to leave and here is my logic.
You already know you have done everything you can to try to get treatment for a very ill husband.
Let’s say your husband doesn’t become violent, then you really aren’t helping by staying while he is so out of control. It’s called “enabling.” Tell him you are leaving because of his drug use. This is a normal reason for a spouse to leave. A chaotic environment is not a place for children and he will understand this at some point.
Let’s say he does become violent. You don’t control that at all. When I was four years old, my mother with bipolar one became more and more ill. She beat me up quite badly and had never hurt me before.
You can’t treat his mental illness any more than you could perform heart surgery on him (if you are not a surgeon). It’s not in your hands. Your life and your children’s lives are in your hands. His illness and drug use are not in your control.
So, yes, leaving him is difficult. But it’s the last resort left to you besides living this way.
I have had to call the police six or seven times. File a MIW and the sheriff comes to pick them up for evaluation. That is how it works here. Check the laws for mental inquest warrant in your state. If he becomes violent or is at harm to himself, don’t hesitate to call.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is dreadful but you are not alone.
I can imagine being in that situation which differs from mine because i dont have kids and the person in disease isnt my husband. In time i would do this, at home no arguement with husband so as things will remain in peace at home, take the kids every afternoon out so as not to be affected by the situation and at night to let them have a nice sleep in grandmas place. And the rest is doctors work. But sleep is very importan for you too, you have to take the right decisions for your marriage.
I hope i could be of help.
My heart goes out to you. You have gotten some good advice. I would also suggest you get a therapist for yourself. Mine was enormously helpful when I had to tell my son who couldn’t live with me anymore.
In my opinion, anyone who is in a manic or psychotic state is a danger even if they haven’t done anything yet. It’s just a matter of time. Why let it get that far.?
As someone above mentioned, if your state has mobile crisis they will send a CIT trained officer, a psychiatrist and a social worker. I have had great luck having my son hospitalized using them.
The best thing I did was become my sons guardian. It makes it much easier to get commitment to facilities. See if your doctor agrees that your husband is mentally incapable of managing his own affairs. I know lawyers are expensive but this move has help me out a lot.
Excellent advice. It was GSSP that recently advised me to start getting it all into the system. I think it would be me in the hospital now if I hadn’t done this. Remember, your children have to be protected both physically and emotionally, their rights are greater than your husbands.
Like Warrior1 said “mobile crisis they will send a CIT trained officer, a psychiatrist and a social worker.”
This got me thinking of a solution. This is not available in our area. Even at our mental health clinic, you have to take them in and make an appointment with a therapist. We all know how easy that is (I just did this only to be told there was a place 50 minutes away that have better services). Would it be feasible to have these teams set up all over but to give meds if necessary.
This opiate crisis has eliminated giving anything out that can be addictive (no Benzos) but if anyone needs a chill pill it is someone in full blown psychosis.
So we fund these MH Clinics that aren’t equipped to handle serious mental illness. I thought these were designed for the worse cases but evidently NOT.
What would a good solution look like for your loved one who is non-compliant and feels so bad he needs help besides hospitalization. Isn’t that outrageously more expensive than a team of trained people. I guess the paranoia would be too much for some and my son might just bolt when he saw them coming but I am looking for real solutions.
Dear Abea. I feel your pain and stress. I have two children (now adults). When my husband didn’t sleep his schizophrenia is at its peak. I have spoken to the doctors and informed them of what was happening. You are right they can act like everything is going great. If you don’t inform the doctor they won’t know he’s lying. I have also given an ultimatum…stay on meds or kids and i leave. That has been more than 30 yrs and he continues to take his meds and his meds have been increased when necessary.
It does take some time for the meds to kick in. I think everyone here has given you great advice. I have also kicked my husband out of the house because he was smoking marijuana. He asked to return and i agreed if he agreed to take urinalysis test for 3 months. This was 40 yrs ago and he hasn’t picked up smoking again. Its hard to be the bad person but its for you and your children.
I hope everything gets better for you. Sending prayers to you and your family.
Gosh I am so sorry that you and anyone else has to go through all the terrible stuff My first thought was. Take over all the bills and the money and the accounts. Don’t let him have access any more. Give him an allowance. I haven’t had time to read everyones answer. But I only wish you the best of luck.
Breaks my heart that once someone is ill i tis so hard to help them if they are adults.
I have had to put a lock on the fridge (I have 2) and that is where I keep my son’s cigarettes and the goodies he binges on like chocolate milk. I give him one pack in the morning and a glass of milk in the am and pm. The shots did not work for my son - they would run out in 2 weeks and it was a roller coaster. He does better on the daily pills and he now has an anti-anxiety which helps a lot. Is medical marijuana without the THC possible - I don’t know. My son was high today and he gets it from his dad. I feel your pain darling. Prayers for you xoxox Also, I have had to lie about him threatening me, to get him in the hospital and my son has a history of punching me in the head…