I was scared of the hospital too, and we avoided it for 12 years, until we couldn’t avoid it anymore.
It took 5 involuntary hospitalizations in a year to get him to something that I like to think is stable, although he’s still not fully recovered. I think he’s heading in the right direction though.
Looking back, I wish we had admitted him early on. They would have admitted him on his first psychotic break, but the was the hospital handled it at the time only made us less comfortable with leaving our 15-year-old child with them .
We were almost as fearful as he was and took him home. That’s been so, so long ago, and compared to then, I’m pretty fearless now.
My biggest fear has always been that my son would end up homeless like yours is now. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that one, and I don’t think I could ever accept it. I’m very thankful that my son is safely under our roof for now.
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but at one point over the past year, and it’s been a rough year, I decided that I would do whatever it took to get my son help, and that I wouldn’t let the fear of making things worse stop me. Because not doing anything could allow him to get worse too. So, right or wrong, for good or bad, I decided to take action when opportunities presented themselves.
Maybe an opportunity will present itself to you & you’ll find a way to get your son the help he needs. It’s awful to feel hopeless and helpless and I can only imagine that’s how you feel from so far away.