I have posted before on the ongoing saga that is about my schizoaffective sister and myself…trying to relate and have some semblance of a sisterly relationship. Things went pretty well over the Holidays and we had decided to do a once a month sleep over at my house to have more quality time and have time to go shopping together and things like that…That lasted 3 months, 3 sleepovers…things were always a challenge and always emotionally charged, with her non stop talking and often nonsense logic, and fearful yet argumentative demeanor.
There were still golden moments of unexpected laughter and moments when I felt we connected and there was always hugs. Our last face to face encounter we went to bring some supplies to her home, it was a pleasant visit, brief but uneventful and rather upbeat. We made plans that our next overnight would be around my sz son’s birthday (April 13)
and we promised to talk on the phone during the days to come. That was a month ago.
Since then, we (my sz son and I) have left dozens of upbeat messages for her. Just saying things like “Missing you! give us a call” --Where have you been? miss hearing from you" Can’t wait to see you again" etc etc…nothing back…so about 3 days ago my son and I drove to her house and she refused to answer the door ( I have experienced this with her before) so my son and I tried to gently coax her to come to the door, after about 30 minutes she screamed out bloody murder: " I AM PERFECTLY FINE!!! AND I DO NOT NEED YOU TO WORRY ABOUT ME!!!, I AM TAKING CARE OF MYSELF!!!, LEAVE ME ALONE!!! -I LOVE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!–GO AWAY.!!!" …so…we left.
It was a gorgeous sunny 70 degree day and my sz son and I were on our way to the park and high hopes of bring my sister with us. So sad that she had windows and doors shut tight and was in a dark tiny efficiency apartment about 200 sq feet all alone and in whatever state of mind put her there. I could not help her. My heart is broken again and a part of me wishes I did not care as much as I do. These silences of hers never go well for her and have lasted at times as long as 5 years, the last was one was 18 months. There is truly nothing that I can do. It is like mourning a loss over and over again and it never ends.
Thanks for listening/reading. I hope everyone is well or heading that way. On the upside my sz son had a great birthday and is doing really well, I am blessed in that regard.