What helps Caregivers!?


Does jeb speak of magical powers?
My son does and also thinks I shouldn’t show vulnerability, he expects me to be tough/strong all the time.


He hasn’t yet, just seems to think I can always fix whatever situation he lands himself in.

Even Scotty on Star Trek needed a location in order to beam them up.



I have two boys…
only one is dx.

THAT one doesn’t like to bother me…he says so…

the other? I swear, he’s still attached by the umbilical cord.


I completely understand. Our daughter seems to “need” energy (I mean on a spiritual level) from others.
It’s very draining.
Any reaction from us, whether good, bad, indifferent, frustrated, annoyed, joy, excitement …all are feeding her low level of energy.
Goes back to the old idea, even negative attention is better than no attention.
When its positive energy she needs, I enjoy sharing.
When its negative shes after…I refrain from responding (as much as possible".
Truly believe they don’t even know they are being “energy vampires”.

Great insight and awareness!!! That puts the reins back in your hands.


You are such an angel to even ask this question.

My daughter has been dealing with this illness for more than 10 years. My husband died 8 years ago, and i am alone to take care of her. Often, when I a. Outside watering, i begin crying. How I wish one of the neighbors would just ask how we were doing. One neighbor was close when my husband was alive before she was ill.

I wish someone would knock on my door. Say, how are you both doing. Bring a cup of coffee, let us feel as if we are human beings, and not an illness and a caretaker of someone with that illness. Food would be a blessing.

Thanks for asking this question.


I know how you feel. Today a close friend who knew my son had moved away, asked how he was doing. I was so touched to be asked.


How kind. I am happy for you.

I have learned to have zero expectations. Kindness is always welcomed. Thank you for replying. Some days are just tough. Most days, I am grateful.


We all have those days when we struggle. You are correct, zero expectations probably make us more grateful on those tougher days.


Someone to come spend the day with me, in my pajamas, to do housework and watch a movie and talk (or not talk) and eat snacks and do all of this without judging.


now you both have me thinking


Hiow is Jeb doing? Do you feel more at ease now that he isn’t living on your property? I’m sure you still worry.
My ex is having a hard time. He calls me sometimes in tears. He lives with his mom, and they don’t always get along. She wakes him up too early, turns the tv volume way up, to like 100 ( she’s older and hard of hearing), etc I think he forgets that he’s not that easy to live with either!


Hi Jan,

We do feel safer here in our home. Husband still worries that Jeb could suddenly show up here, he’s keeping his security stuff in place.

I am sorry your ex is having a hard time. You must feel quite mixed about things in his life, just as we do here. Your ex must be glad on the days he teaches to not be home with his mom.

The stuff Jeb needs to accomplish is relatively simple. His biggest issue is waiting for a more clear moment in his head so he can actually try to do something.

Odd bit of news on my end. My brother is in a mental facility with a 3 day hold. My mom always blames his wife for his problems, which is convenient, but my brother’s issues were there long before he married his wife. He would have screaming rages in the morning getting ready for school - it started when he was 9 or 10. I remember the age because my older sister did the same out of control screaming behavior- we younger siblings laid low, big sister was a big hitter. When older sister married and left, younger brother started it up about a year later. Not scz, most likely bi-polar type issues? My brother has been self medicating and started up his own “out of control train” while high on cocaine last week.

HIs wife has actually been diagnosed with bi-polar, the two of them have been setting each other off and screaming it out for over 30 years. Will be interesting to see if he gets a diagnosis. Many, many years ago my family’s drama played a big role in my husband and I moving several states away - between my brother and sister and my parents there was more family drama then anyone needs. They have all managed jobs and families with the aid of drugs and alcohol.

We escaped that wild abusive world to raise our Jeb. Really looked like we had been successful until the scz showed up. Its from my husband’s side.

When it comes to mental illness in the family tree, I guess you can run, but you can’t hide.


Wow, that’s something. It’s also testament to the fact that so many people struggle with a mental illness. I do hope your brother is ok.

In response to escaping abusive families, doesn’t the saying go " you can’t choose your family."

I doubt your son would come back to harm you. Although, I had similar thoughts after my husband left after a violent episode. He didn’t. It’s so scary when someone you love becomes aggressive with you. It’s also devastating emotionally.

Here’s to peaceful days ahead.


My former FtF instructor friend says you can suffer from post traumatic stress without having the disorder. We are jumping slightly less at loud unexpected sounds.

Thanks Jan, and peaceful days to us all.


Funny you should say that about post traumatic stress. My ex says he has it due to our traumatic breakup. I think a therapist told him that.

I’m sure I have some PTS, too. Indeed, I think many caregivers of sz have some form of PTS, too.


My (still husband, but came close to divorce many years ago) …he STILL claims this about our breakup.

I’ve had my therapist tell me that the more trauma one endures, the more intense the stress/anxiety/panic will be with future traumatic events.

One reason I try to keep things calm.
I find some television shows to be too disturbing.

I’ve been dx severe PTSD.

(Note: I do NOT engage in dividing of blame for our past relationship struggles. It was, it happened, let’s move forward. His interpretation of past events is foggy at best. I have a few “foggy” periods of memory as well. It’s a tough road. )


Dr Torrey, in his book "Surviving Schizophrenia"suggests watching travel shows on tv. It worked for my husband, and he didn’t have any particular interest in traveling.