Not knowing… My daughter is 21 and has auditory hallucinations for a year now, our world is collapsed as we lose our child every day more and more. There are no answers for NOTHING only statistics, that is the hardest. No doctor can give you specifics, no specific drug will help. Having to take it day by day not knowing what next day will look like let alone what her future will be. Seeing her pain and no way of knowing how to help. She asked today to be admitted again, i know it is because she feels guilty for what she is putting us all through although we tell her everyday that it is not her fault! I feel like a monster took my beautiful perfect child and left us with something else. I keep fighting and will always keep fighting to get her back but i dread the day she will give up. I am ANGRY, SAD, TIRED, constantly WORRIED.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It is worse than losing a child, I believe. It is great that she asked to be admitted, though. That is really a good sign. It’s when she refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her, refuses to take her medication and accuses you of gaslighting and trying to institutionalize her that the going gets really rough. The only way I have been able to survive this is to let go. I have no hope that my son will get better. I just try to accept everything that happens with equanimity. I try to resist the urge to DO something (that’s the hardest part) and when I do something, I try not to get emotionally invested in the outcome. I think we all go through the (seven?) stages of grief when this happens to our child. Eventually, you have to come to acceptance. I call it “radical acceptance.”
Heart breaking! I have had the same destructive sadness- I won’t insult you by saying I know how you feel- I know I I feel and that we share kids with this brain disease. I have been in Alanon for 17 years and those principles helped me- perhaps they can help you too. Please know you are not alone.