What people think: Caregiver side

This was inspired by @daydreamer

People on the outside looking in fall in to a few categories:

The Ignorant and the Ugly:
These are the ones who bought in the stereotypes. These people tell me they think my brother is controlling, manipulative and lazy. They tell me he’s moody and dramatic and doesn’t make sense half the time.

I hardly know these people so I tell them nothing of my brother because those on the outside, who think like that, are not worth my time.

The Misguided and Curious:
These people fish and guess what is different about my brother. They have read just enough books to know something is up. But they aren’t sure what. So I get odd tips and hints that will only make things worse if I act upon them. They want to “figure out” my brother. I shoo them away. If they want to observe what they consider odd behaviour, watch a reality T.V. show.

The Friends who try:
These people have been with me enough to know what is up with my brother, and they try to understand, but don’t always. They suggest stuff in a kind and well-meaning way, but it just isn’t something that is going to work. But I value them because they are willing to listen and learn. They are willing to ignore stupid movies and fear mongering news. They try to learn and they DO treat my brother with the respect he deserves.

What I think:
I think I want to help my brother manage and be able to navigate this world on a functional level. I’m not asking him to be NORMAL, since no one seems to know exactly what normal is. I like his personality. I like his humor and his wit. I like him the way he is.

Then Why do I want my brother to be functional or “normal” so to speak?
Because I want him to have the confidence to do what he wants when he wants.

I want him to be independent because he’s proud of the progress he’s made.

I don’t expect him to be like everyone else. Everyone else is boring. But I want him to be able to make it through his day the way he wants and be able to get what he needs to make that happen.

I want him to be functional enough to have doors of opportunity open for him instead of shut.

I don’t care if his word salad kicks in. But he does; so I want that to go away. I don’t care when he gets stuck on doing the laundry. But he does; so I want him to get better at it.

I don’t care if he has a glitch in public. But he does, so I want him to get better at coping and getting more confident.

I want him to be able to do what he needs to do and to be proud of himself for all he has achieved.

I very much want him to be treated with the respect he deserves.

That’s what I think
Thank you

I applaud you. What great love you have to assist your brother. You even inspire me to be more caring to others

My perspective on the light house is that you are the light house, and whenever he gets lost in the ocean you guide him back to the shore

Excellent post.[quote=“kidsister, post:1, topic:4803”]
very much want him to be treated with the respect he deserves.

I agree for him AND me.

I want that too.
I think James has it harder than me. He’s overcome a lot.
He’s lucky to have you and I am lucky to have my sisters too.

(for being such a good sister)

Perfectly said…

You’re wonderful… Just thought I’d say that, everyone should have someone with your head in their lives, to me mines my mum she says similar things and I’d be so, so lost without her and I’d imagine James is the same with you so I thought I’d say you’re wonderful and you can’t hear it enough from whoever, so I hope I don’t come across as creepy, I don’t mean it that way it’s just my mum, you and everyone like you needs to hear it so much and I know many people don’t understand why you are the way you are, people tell my mum the things you’ve described that I’m manipulative, lazy or try to figure out why she refuses to mention me to casual people or in certain circumstances family in her life because they’d want to know more or make judgements, but you understand that and you understand people like James so I’m saying it because you are ^_^, take care, Meg.

Well said–how much we all want that for our families!

Way to Go!!! I can finally talk about my illness with some people but it really sucks when people try to say that they are controlling because there is a need to go home because there not feeling well or " OH Honey he’s got you wrapped around his finger!"