My sister was released from the hospital after a month long stay. She went to a personal care boarding home and clearly, the person only cared about the money. I checked my sisters account today and saw large charges for hotel expenses so I immediately called the woman at the boarding home. She answered and gave me some random half behind response but in essence my sister left her home a week ago and she never bothered to text me. I just hung up the phone in disgust because my sister was just a check to her. I was not going to argue or fuss because I realized what it was for her. But now, once again, my sister is going from hotel to hotel using all her money and refuses to get in touch with me. She will run out of money at some point and will probably have to go to a shelter. It breaks my heart so much but I have to let go. She doesn’t want my help and has stopped communicating altogether. I’m not making another trip home to find her or put out a missing person’s report. I tired mentally and physically. What saddens me the most is that this was our father’s same pattern and I’ve not seen him in years. I don’t know whether he’s dead or alive and now the same thing is happening with my sister. How do I go on attempting to live life like I don’t have a sister wandering the streets?? I really don’t know how I do this.
I am so sorry, first you lost your dad and now possibly your sister is leaving your life in the same way. Of course you don’t know to how do this, but, for your sake, you are going to have to figure it out. Major life changing events will require a process. We talk about releasing our family members to their own journey. We also have to figure out how to get ourselves released to our journeys.
People are surprised when therapy is recommended for the “normies”. The sort of therapist that can help you should be seen as a life coach. Someone who will work with you toward the goals you choose. Sometimes we have to learn how to embrace choosing ourselves.
I know these are common statements that people use with no idea of what such endeavors require. The cost can be high.
When she runs out of money, she will come to you and expect you to instantly fix everything. Then she will go back to screwing up her life again until she needs you to bail you out again. Rinse, lather, repeat.
It’s a no win situation. If she’s anything like my brother she will continue to abuse you until you stop letting her.
I never, ever felt like I had a “normal” life while Billy was alive. He was a total vampire. He would have sucked all the life out of me if had let him. You need to learn to put yourself first sometimes.
My heart goes out to you right now this is such a hard hard hard position to be in,
I understand about the facilities just wanting the check,
And it’s left up to our person who is not in their right mind to voluntarily stay most of the time!
My brother went through a very similar situation some years ago he had a bad psychosis episode ended up in the hospital and then was no longer allowed to stay at the place he had been renting at a neighbor’s.
He couldn’t stay with me so he also ended up renting hotel rooms from credit card to credit card eventually could not anymore. I was able to find him several temporary roommate situations but after fairly short amounts of time the roommates came to me and said they could no longer live with him. He was then left to go back to my parents house.
A little over 5 years ago he ended up homeless for a year it was really one of the very hardest times because of the constant worry your mind goes through.
During that time one of the things I started to do on the advice of a counselor,was to really think about what was in my control it was one of the only things that helped some.
For example I couldn’t physically control or house my brother at that time.
One thing I could do is try to keep track of a shelter he may be in and he was also able to get mail at one of the places I would send care packages that was in my control.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this to lose your sister over and over again and your dad too.
I hope your sister can find some support while she is on her own right now, thank you so much for sharing
I’m wishing you strength during this time!
Mrhonda88,
It’s obvious that you care very deeply and love for your sister. You are a GREAT brother! Most of us have felt this way at one time or another. There’s not always a happy ending with this awful mental illness.
So how do you do this? I would offer that for now, you detach from your sister with love. You don’t have to permanently let her go. You don’t have to continue to be frustrated or exhausted. And you don’t have to mentally work out why it’s okay for to write her off or not do anything for your sister right now.
One of the terrible things about this illness is that it’s often impossible to determine how much of a person’s actions are caused by the mental illness or by the person’s actions/choices. Naturally, we want to give up on our loved ones, or condemn them so it’s easier to give up on them. We just want to feel okay that is okay for us to get our lives back! For now, I would offer that you just detach from your sister - with love (not with frustration or anger). You still care deeply about her, but you just can’t do anything to help her right now. And that is okay.
Take care and do something nice for yourself.
Deb
First, we have to understand that this is an illness, it is NOT the person. It can be hard to separate those two things. But we also have to take care of ourselves. The way I got through this was to listen, learn and persevere. Support is available through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Family Support Groups. A FSG is confidential and led by trained facilitators who also have a loved one with a mental health condition. People in the support group understand. We listen and learn from each other. We connect with others and learn about resources and ways to communicate with our loved ones. Reading and being willing to use the communication strategy outlined in the book “I Am Not Sick: I Don’t Need Help” is important. It has proven results world-wide. We also learn how to set appropriate boundaries and take care of ourselves. Other groups have support groups, too, such as Treatment Advocacy Center, CURESZ Foundation. Also support groups offered by SPAA (Schizophrenia & Psychosis Action Alliance. These are all very legit organizations.
Schizophrenia & Psychosis Action Alliance | HeyPeers. Get connected and learn all you can but take care of yourself.