Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Detached from my sister and I am not sad about it


#1

I have given up on my sister. I know people look at me like a cold-hearted person but I had to. My sister have been living with me for years. It’s was really hard because my sister never cooperate with me and I use to beg and plead with her to go to the mental health appt but she’s never took her medication. She thought that I didn’t know what I was taking about because I’m younger than her. RANT:(I’m older than you I don’t have to listen to you) I finally told her either she get help and comply or I will put her out of my house. She still did not comply. She use to call the police to my apt because of her delusions of people attacking her. She use to threaten my neighbors because she believed that they were talking about her. Not to mention all of the random craziness inside the house I had to deal with. She finally attacked my landlord while I wasn’t home and had me evicted, I was damn near homeless. I had 30 days to move out and find a new place. Being a single mother with 3 kids I had to choose so I let her go. I realized I couldn’t help a person who didn’t want to be helped. I have not seen my sister in over 3 months. I feel guilty sometimes but what are my options…None. I have to live for me and my children.


#2

Hello,
I’m so sorry about your sister. Was there a police report filed on the assualt of the landlord? One of the ways to get your sister help would be if she gets picked up by the police and arrested. Then an evaluation of her mental health can happen, which could lead to a commitment and court ordered medications. It seems harsh now but maybe for the best.
I’m glad you and your children have another place to live. Do you have any idea on the whereabouts of your sis? It’s okay to be mad at her. If you have any contact with her please suggest she go to an ER or a doctor, that is another way she can get into a treatment program. I know this is really hard for you. She probably doesn’t understand that she is ill. Are there any other family members in the area? Your a good person, try and find out where she is and get her help.
AnnieNorCal


#3

I did get a police report on the incident. I guess when I’m not upset anymore I will go to see her. I know where she’s at I took her to my mom’s old house in our home town. The house do not have utilitiies but it’s a closed structure. My brother owns the property now he won’t put her out. I can’t let her come back to my house. If I could get her disability benefits back on she could afford to get the utilities on at my mom’s old shack. But I know she won’t comply. I have been dealing with her since my mom died in 2005 and I’m tired.


#4

Delilah2, You did what you had to do. You are a good sister to your sister. Even now you are making sure she is somewhere safe. I have heard its easy to get disability benefits turned back on - what does she need? A current psych evaluation?

You have to take care of your kids, they are your priority.


#5

She needs a current evaluation. I don’t know how to get that because she will not go to her appt. All of her records are from childhood. They continue to say she has grown out of her disability and she no longer need it. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help her anymore.


#6

Were charges filed against your sister? Will she have to appear before a judge?


#7

Hey @Delilah2,
It’s okay, you have done alot for your sis. So she is at moms old home. It sounds like your sis had SSDI and then something went wrong? She needs to get a current evaluation from a doctor. This is a good thing, her not living with you it will force her to go see a doc to get money. You or your brother could offer to help make an appt. And make sure she gets there, also her walking into Social Security and filing forms will help. Then she has to get a doc appt to fill out the rest of the application from SSDI. You have started the process for her and she needs to comply.
The other issue is the police report filed, she will have to go to court I’m assuming. I know this has been really hard for you, but you or your brother need to contact the judicial system and request that a court ordered assessment be carried out for your sis. Most people who suffer from a MI are not capable of helping themselves, they need your help. Please see what you can do for her. It will be a good step towards her welfare and her independence, also call a social worker to get a well check and get them invovled. The social services, doctors, police and the judicial system are some of the ways to get your sis help.
Take care and think of helping your sis, AnnieNorCal


#8

Ever since my mom passed away she has been on a downward spiral. There was a point in time my sister had her own apt and a car. My mom helped her out alot, going by and checking on her and making sure her bills were paid. She really lost it soon after my mom died. I just never had the time to commit to a grown up who does not respect me as a person. I have tried so many time to get the disability back on for her but they keep denying her claim. Mostly because of her noncompliance and insufficient medical history. I can’t make her go to the appt and I have no idea what she’s telling the Dr when she goes. They don’t tell me anything. I only know what I read on the evaluation sheet when they send it in the mail. She’s a compulsive liar too. I can’t believe anything she says.


#9

Thank you for replying. Sorry about your mom.
Compulsive lying can be a big problem, it could be related to the illness. You are a good sister, it can be exasperating. You can call adult protective service (social service) and ask them to do a well check and tell them your concerns. you cannot force your sister, asking APS to intervene is a good start.
Take care, AnnieNorCal
Edit: sometimes it helps to bounce thoughts back and forth. I can see from your post that you really care about your sis and your frazzled.


#10

Charges were filed on her but they let her out on a PR bond. I know she did not appear for court. She never let me see any of her paper work. She thinks I’m in on some kind of conspiracy to bring her down. I know there is a warrent out for her arrest for Simple Assault. She really has gotten herself in a lot of trouble.


#11

Do you think you could go to the judge and ask for a mental health warrant? I was thinking if you could get a court ordered evaluation you could get her disability turned back on- since she won’t go to see a psychiatrist on her own.


#12

@Delilah2 I understand, and I think you have done the best you could, including moving without your sister so that you and your kids are safe. You have spent over a decade trying to help her, it is good that you have detached, in my opinion. You must ensure the future for yourself and your children.

The assault on the landlord may possibly bring your sister to forced psychiatric evaluation and medication. If so, perhaps that will be a blessing. The warrant will catch up to her at some point. When she is arrested, I hope you can tell the judge that your sister needs medical help. The judge can order it.

My daughter has been psychotic for 3 years and would not get help. Voices, yelling at strangers, paranoia, police called by her to our home 30 plus times, etc. She would NOT take help, and would NOT stay on meds. I was tired, and hopeless. Recently, she got arrested when out in our town for disorderly conduct and for kicking a policeman. I spoke to the judge and asked for medical evaluation for her. She was force hospitalized when released from jail, and force medicated with a long acting anti-psychotic (30 days). When released from the hospital home to me, it was like the psychosis had totally disappeared and my loving daughter was back. A few days ago, she took her second shot because of a court order to stay medicated.

You are safe, that is good. You can take care of yourself now.


#13

I’m glad here that your daughter is doing better. My sister probably will never consent to treatment. She just that way. I believe it’s partially because my mom pretended that she was normal her who life. Now that she’s 40 yearso old she don’t see the need to get treatment. I believe the key to living well with this disease is getting treatment early. I have done all I do for her and I have made peace with my decision. I have small children I have to take care off. They deserve to live in a peaceful safe house.


#14

Yes, they do. That is your very highest priority. I wish you peace.


#15

Take care of yourself, dont feel selfish, or guilty. It’s hard to reason with someone that doesn’t have the ability to reason. She needs help and all you can do is tell the courts about her mental health problems.

You deserve to have your kids grow up around normal people. It’s very confusing for young children and could affect them.

Stay positive. Just know you have done a lot for your sister and now is the time to think about yourself.


#16

Yes it’s hard, she is your sister, but I have gone through a lot with my sister, I am the eldest, we’re four years apart. I can’t live with her as she was violent before too, breaking my Mom’s hip while she was alive and beating my grandfather.

It’s awful, but what some people don’t realize it’s awful for us too! I understand where your coming from and you need to let it go, just listening doesn’t even help me with my sister, I feel she is too far gone, but it makes me sick everyday, and I always think what if this disease had affected me??? It’s alot to live with!

Wishing you the best in this situation.


#17

I truly understand your circumstances. I have been dealing with my daughter for 10 yrs. Before that she was very intelligent but had quite a few twerks in her personality. She became so uncontrollable after my husband died 3 yrs ago that I had to make her leave my home. The only one in danger was myself, but how can you help someone if you don’t help yourself. This site helped me out tremendously by showing love and understanding to my situation. You have been a wonderful sister and you know it. Who else could have managed having her in your home with kids of your own. When I let go of her she became much worse and got into a lot of trouble - not with the law but she was very pretty and vulnerable and had addictions. Luckily for her we had called the police on her enough times and she’d been sent to hospitals enough that she became well known. She loves the police. I don’t think I’ve seen this suggestion but since you know where she is and there is a police warrant out for her why don’t you call the police and tell them where she is and what the problem is with her. Be sure to tell them she is mentally ill. I have only had one bad experience with a policeman in all the many times they’ve been called. The police can arrest her and she will go to jail. She won’t have bond to get out and before long they will have evidence that she is mentally ill. In the meantime you can contact the District Attorney and ask for a mental eval explaining why she doesn’t have one. If you can get the court to require mandatory treatment and medication, this might work. Don’t agree to take her back in your home, thinking things will be better. Take others advice given here and get her into Social Services. If they think she can have a safe home to go back to, they’ll let her go back to you. Otherwise they will find a safe place for her. I learned that from experience. Don’t feel guilty for giving up on your sister. In fact, you haven’t given up, just found another way to help without putting yourself and your children in danger. Stay true to the course and don’t give in until someone helps you. And have a positive attitude that you are doing the right thing for her and this is the right thing for you and your 3 children. God Bless You!


#18

Thank you do much,
This group has made me feel better about my decision to remove my sister away from my house. The only people that criticize my decision the most is my immediate family. These are the very people who I asked to help me with my with my sister.They never extended a hand to help or a penny towards her expenses. Everything came from me. It was like I had 4 children instead of three. I had to take care of everything because my sister is sick but also a very lazy person. Her whole existing was her eating and watching TV all day. She had gotten to the point that she would go weeks without showering. Then if I said anything about it she would lash out at me. It didn’t matter how nicely I would tell her she always got upset at me for even mentioning it.

I saw myself facing into depression because of this whole situation. Before I got away from her I felt trapped.
My job offers free help to employees having family problems or work burn out. I finally decided I needed it. I was burned out at work because of all the extra shifts I took to support my family. Then again at home because of situation with my sister and getting evicted from my apt. They recommended that I take vacation and get my self together. I really needed the time to myself. I will never let her come back for the sake of my mental health and the safety of my children.

She almost ran me crazy.


#19

I am so glad that you have help available at your job and that they suggested you get some time to yourself. That was great support for you.

@vscjunk2261 had a good idea, in my opinion. The ONLY reason my daughter is medicated for almost 2 months is her arrest, my speaking to the judge in the courtroom, the judge ordering her to be medicated if she released, the involuntary hospital stay immediately on release from jail AND the 30 day shot. The 2nd shot Jan 8th was the ONLY time in 3 years she consented to seeing a p-doc outside of involuntary hospitalization. She is 100% different today. She still doesn’t think she needs it, but told me she will take her 3rd shot Feb 8th.

Your sister may never accept help unless forced to by the police/courts. It is worth a try. If she has a warrant out, this is the time. I would report her location to the police, if it were me.

Either way, do maintain your home well, do stick to your decision, and DO take care of yourself first.