Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Why I am here: dark thoughts


#1

I am revisiting this site after a few years. I was married to a man w paranoid sz for 13 years. We have been separated for 5 years, only now finally getting divorced.

We talk regularly on the phone, and he is generally agreeable to the divorce, EXCEPT that he called me recently and FREAKED OUT. Screaming and ranting at me.(He was drinking. Not a good thing) Saying my parents are to blame for us breaking up (not true). All sorts of hurtful and angry things. He had me on the phone for over an hour. I could barely get a word in.

While this type of behavior was once a regular part of my world, I have been removed from him from some time and taken aback at his paranoia and rage.

Coming here, it’s amazing to me how many of our loved ones display the same behavior–the pacing, the yelling at the neighbors, the cursing, even some if the language they use–calling someone a satanist! Where does this stuff come from? Do you ever wonder where the dark voices, thoughts come from?


#2

This is probably along the same line, but I often wonder why people who aren’t religious, or are from a non-Christian faith, often turn to Christian religion to explain things.

My son may be coming out of psychosis after a very long period of lingering in that state to varying degrees. The paranoia & anger has been gone for awhile, but the delusions were pretty steady.

One of them was that people could see what he’s doing. Sometimes, it would be that there was a camera in his head. Other times, he was psychic so it was “like” there was a camera in his head. Last night, after a day of not saying much about his delusions, he starts trying to come up with a more realistic reason - maybe they could see through the camera on his computer, but then how could they see when the computer wasn’t in the room? Maybe they could see through my laptop computer? Things like that.

I don’t understand some of the commonalities, but I believe it’s their way of trying to justify what’s going on in their head. On some level, they know something’s not quite right, but they don’t understand why, and this is how they build their new reality.