Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My husband has severe paranoia and thinks I'm cheating and trying to kill him!

My husband is struggling now with what we think is paranoid schizophrenia. We are waiting on his official diagnosis, though getting him to go to his appointments seems impossible. He is constantly accusing me of cheating on him. Saying when I am at work I am sneaking out with men he knows to sleep with them (I do not believe in cheating and I have never and will never cheat on him). He constantly accuses me of talking when I am not even speaking!! The other day I was holding a cup up to my mouth (drinking it) and he said that I was talking to someone thru the cup. When I tell him how irrational that is he says its not and he knows I am up to something and he’s going to figure out what it is. He is becoming abusive when he thinks he has heard me talking. I DO NOT believe in divorce but I also feel lost and don’t know how to handle this!! I keep trying to convince him to go get on meds. We were at a point where he agreed to antipsychotics but of course there are no appointments for weeks! And by the time there is he has convinced himself he doesn’t need them. He is constantly telling me to “stay out of his head”. I don’t know what to do or where to turn to for help! He’s recently dragged our children into his delusions too (saying I’m talking to them about him or that the kids and I are in “cahoots” with talking about him). I’m frustrated, lost, scared, depressed and I feel helpless!! Any advice would be welcomed!

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I understand not wanting to divorce him, but you may have to separate from him temporarily for you and your children’s safety. If that’s not possible, be careful.

My husband had severe paranoia (not involving me, specifically)and became violent, attacking me, seemingly out of the blue.

I pray that does not happen to you. If he does become threatening, please don’t hesitate to call the police. They can take him to a hospital.

And, of course, I’d still advocate for AP medication.

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I will be as careful as possible! Thank you so much for your response. It’s nice to know there are people who understand what I’m going through because sometimes I feel so alone.

Welcome to the forum. Although it is a bittersweet welcome. I am sorry you are dealing with this but very glad you found this forum. Many members are well balanced, helpful and supportive!

My son’s constant delusion was his about his wife sleeping around. When it was bad he was convinced she was sneaking men in through the window and having sex while he was sleeping. He spent hours trying to find the “proof”. At one point he was also sure I had killed his brother and was trying to plant DNA evidence on him.

Do not argue or try to prove yourself innocent. Our protests actually feed into the proof we are somehow guilty. It increases suspicion. With paranoia there is always an undercurrent of fear in their life. It is irrational sometimes, but sometimes there is a basis of truth. Not that YOU are doing it, but the things he imagines sometimes do occur.

We never did find the right meds and eventually he took himself off them. While I do NOT advocate this plan, the fact is many of us have to deal with LO who refuse meds. I would suggest you watch some of Dr. Amadore videos on how to deal with LOs with anognosia (it is not denial–it is common in brain disorders). It is a sad truth our Mental Health system is as broken as the people it is suppose to serve. I am so sorry you could not get an appointment when he was considering compliance.

An interesting study showed the auditory hallucinations for some are actually themselves talking very softly to themselves without realizing it. So don’t discount the fact he is really hearing something…he just does not understand the origin. Do not try to educate him about it though…not while he is in the midst of delusions.

I admire your desire to stick with your husband for better or worse. However, if there is violence, please separate until that is under control. He is mentally ill, yes. But there are still boundaries. Violence is one. This will be a rollercoaster for the rest of your life, but sometimes symptoms do lighten and there is some recovery. Also as often as I asked my ex DIL to take her children to therapy she has not. They love their dad and are probably more patient with him than anyone else on this planet, but they too need to learn coping skills. So all of you go…and if you have to tell him why tell him you have problems, but do not tell him the problem is him. Hope things turn around for you soon.

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Thank you so much for your reply!!! It is very very helpful!! I get so frustrated sometimes because I just want him to know I’m on his side! This past week he was so upset that I was not complying with telling him that I was in fact against him and plotting to hurt him along with the rest of his family (part of his delusions) that he started packing his things to leave me and the kids. Eventually he decided to stay and I was happy he did because I really worry about him going out into the world with no support at all. It’s so frustrating to have him beg me to tell him that I’m in fact in cahoots with these people when I am not! He feels as if I’m hurting him and it breaks my heart! I also found out that during our family trip to Florida in February while he was deep into a delusion he cheated on me! Thinking he was getting me back for the fact that he thinks I’m cheating on him! He apologized but says that I kind of deserved it because “I have done it too.” I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child and he’s also convinced she is not his! But she is! It’s heartbreaking! Too add icing to the cake his first symptoms of the disorder started after months of meth use. And the symptom’s just never subsided. He’s 27 so he’s prime age for this, I just feel the drug use had brought it out more. And unfortunalty he gets so frustrated with the voices and thoughts that he is now using again to try to quiet them or to cope. But it makes the symptoms worse!!! I’m so at loss for what to do. I’m going to try your advice on not arguing my point and just listening to him. Thanks so much for your kind words!!

Also how is your son now? How did you personally cope and how did his girlfriend cope with those accusations because I get some of those very accusations.

She protested. Her feelings were hurt. Then she became angry.

My replies are usually, huh, and I did this how? or something to that effect.

I look at it this way: Their brain is short circuiting. Somewhere in most of my son’s delusions is a kernel of truth. These things could happen. There is the fear they are happening to him as he misinterprets body language, words, emotions. I know what the truth is and me getting upset does nothing but escalate the emotional turbulence. I can no more tell a legless man to grow legs than tell a delusional person to stop being delusional. So when I am able, I just go with whatever is going on.

However, cheating on you because of a delusion is a deal breaker. MI or not there are boundaries and he does not get a pass on behaving badly because of a delusion.

You are also dealing with the dual dx of substance abuse. It is ok to draw the line on that. You can not help being MI but you can chose healthy ways to cope or unhealthy ways to cope. And there are consequences of your choice. Please see a therapist to help you sort all this out.

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My ex started becoming so violent and mean , and it got worse once I got pregnant! I ended up calling the police on him and putting him out of the house because I have 2 young children and I am pregnant! When he lives with his mom they don’t regularly check on him taking his meds like I did, so he literally is 10 times worse now! All I can say is you Have to get help for him, and if l he refuses legally he does not have to take the meds, you have to start thinking of options for you , so you won’t lose your sanity! Hope for the best , stay strong

There are antipsychotics that are injectable so you only need to have them once a month or up to every 3 months. Maybe you can convince your husband to try one of those.

@clravegu I sympathize with you and what’s going on. Your husband is lost in delusions and sz has taken over his mind. I can’t stress how bizarre and terrible it is on his side. The meth may be the source of his delusions. I have gone delusional from taking meth before and I have sza. He has to stop the meth. He may have triggered sz too, only time will tell. He needs medication too.

I feel everything I’m saying you know already. On the bright side he can get better by taking the right actions. Paranoia delusions and hallucinations are a real nightmare. Maybe you can convince him that there’s a better road than the one he’s on.

Try to get him on the sz side of this forum. Maybe he’ll realize what’s going on with other people talking about similar experiences

Yes your right about the constant misinterpretations of body language, words and what not. It’s all quite overwhelming. And if I had the money to get to counseling I would still be there because I was seeing someone before this all started for my own issues.