Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My husband has severe paranoia and thinks I'm cheating and trying to kill him!

#1

My husband is struggling now with what we think is paranoid schizophrenia. We are waiting on his official diagnosis, though getting him to go to his appointments seems impossible. He is constantly accusing me of cheating on him. Saying when I am at work I am sneaking out with men he knows to sleep with them (I do not believe in cheating and I have never and will never cheat on him). He constantly accuses me of talking when I am not even speaking!! The other day I was holding a cup up to my mouth (drinking it) and he said that I was talking to someone thru the cup. When I tell him how irrational that is he says its not and he knows I am up to something and he’s going to figure out what it is. He is becoming abusive when he thinks he has heard me talking. I DO NOT believe in divorce but I also feel lost and don’t know how to handle this!! I keep trying to convince him to go get on meds. We were at a point where he agreed to antipsychotics but of course there are no appointments for weeks! And by the time there is he has convinced himself he doesn’t need them. He is constantly telling me to “stay out of his head”. I don’t know what to do or where to turn to for help! He’s recently dragged our children into his delusions too (saying I’m talking to them about him or that the kids and I are in “cahoots” with talking about him). I’m frustrated, lost, scared, depressed and I feel helpless!! Any advice would be welcomed!

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#2

I understand not wanting to divorce him, but you may have to separate from him temporarily for you and your children’s safety. If that’s not possible, be careful.

My husband had severe paranoia (not involving me, specifically)and became violent, attacking me, seemingly out of the blue.

I pray that does not happen to you. If he does become threatening, please don’t hesitate to call the police. They can take him to a hospital.

And, of course, I’d still advocate for AP medication.

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#3

I will be as careful as possible! Thank you so much for your response. It’s nice to know there are people who understand what I’m going through because sometimes I feel so alone.

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#4

Welcome to the forum. Although it is a bittersweet welcome. I am sorry you are dealing with this but very glad you found this forum. Many members are well balanced, helpful and supportive!

My son’s constant delusion was his about his wife sleeping around. When it was bad he was convinced she was sneaking men in through the window and having sex while he was sleeping. He spent hours trying to find the “proof”. At one point he was also sure I had killed his brother and was trying to plant DNA evidence on him.

Do not argue or try to prove yourself innocent. Our protests actually feed into the proof we are somehow guilty. It increases suspicion. With paranoia there is always an undercurrent of fear in their life. It is irrational sometimes, but sometimes there is a basis of truth. Not that YOU are doing it, but the things he imagines sometimes do occur.

We never did find the right meds and eventually he took himself off them. While I do NOT advocate this plan, the fact is many of us have to deal with LO who refuse meds. I would suggest you watch some of Dr. Amadore videos on how to deal with LOs with anognosia (it is not denial–it is common in brain disorders). It is a sad truth our Mental Health system is as broken as the people it is suppose to serve. I am so sorry you could not get an appointment when he was considering compliance.

An interesting study showed the auditory hallucinations for some are actually themselves talking very softly to themselves without realizing it. So don’t discount the fact he is really hearing something…he just does not understand the origin. Do not try to educate him about it though…not while he is in the midst of delusions.

I admire your desire to stick with your husband for better or worse. However, if there is violence, please separate until that is under control. He is mentally ill, yes. But there are still boundaries. Violence is one. This will be a rollercoaster for the rest of your life, but sometimes symptoms do lighten and there is some recovery. Also as often as I asked my ex DIL to take her children to therapy she has not. They love their dad and are probably more patient with him than anyone else on this planet, but they too need to learn coping skills. So all of you go…and if you have to tell him why tell him you have problems, but do not tell him the problem is him. Hope things turn around for you soon.

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