Why Making "Blanket Statements" About Schizophrenia Can Be Harmful


Since I joined this Forum just over a year ago, it has been helpful for me to hear people speak of the harsh realities as well as the better times that some have experienced that offer hope at least to some of us. I understand that sometimes we just need a place to vent or cry. However, I have learned that there ARE resources to help US, as well as to help us help our loved one(s). Some are mentioned elsewhere on this Forum and folks can choose to try them or to ignore them. Personally, I learn something nearly every time I talk to another person about their experience with a loved one with a SMI and I don’t plan to stop learning as long as there is something that might help my loved one now or in the future. I find the NAMI Principles of Support to be quite helpful. There are twelve, which include:
“We find strength in sharing experiences”
“We won’t judge anyone’s pain as less than our own”
“We accept we cannot solve all problems”
“We will never give up hope”
Understandably, not every situation has a happy ending. I had to realize that tragedies in life happen every day, and they occur for a lot of reasons, not just because of mental illness. My innermost ability to experience joy is not based entirely on my circumstances, as hard as it is. Some who read this will relate to that.


Yes, don’t go. You make a valuable contribution and your stance is quite rational. If you don’t expect anything you can’t be disappointed! However, I was very happy when you posted about how well the ECT worked for your daughter. And I think your stoicism is heroic. My experience so far has been much less hard than yours but I am aware that things could go the same way.


My son, 18 now, had early onset of the voices around age 7 - 7 1/2. He called it the “man in my head”. So I can relate to your daughter’s illness starting early. My older son, just shy of 21, was just diagnosed as being bipolar. The exact same age when my husband, the father of both boys, started having mental health issues. He is also bipolar but his swings to severe depression. It is difficult to be in a house of three with bipolar based illnesses - my younger son is schizoaffective. He has attempted suicide 3 times starting at age 15. I am incredibly grateful for this group. Just knowing you aren’t the only one somehow makes it a tiny bit easier to face another day. Bless you all. ’


Wow, hard for you. Oh gosh, sigh, I understand. I have one schizophrenic who won’t treat, and one alcoholic who is right now an ex-drinker (finally). Hard for me. Hard for them.


Yes, I can see that you have many difficulties. I agree that this group is good for all of us. I gain hope from others who post here. Hope is important.


I am probably one of the people who expressed hopelessness that nothing helps - that was months ago. My daughter ended up in the state hospital for about 4 months. Her caseworker worked with me on what type of housing environment would be ideal for my daughter. I had already decide she can no longer live with me and her two children. The adoption process of adopting her children is almost done.

We found a foster home about 10 minutes from my house. The woman who runs the foster home is wonderful - an angel and I will be eternally grateful that she agreed to bring my daughter into the foster home. The foster home accepts only women and there are 5 women who live in the home. The home is spacious, clean, warm and inviting. Each woman has her own bedroom and bathroom which makes a huge difference giving the women some privacy. The women all eat their meal together in the dining room. Her foster mother lives upstairs and has a helper. I know my daughter is safe and that she is sleeping in a clean warm bed, eating at mealtime and her caretaker gives her the medication she needs to stay stable.

It’s been a long road and there were many times I wanted to give up on her but a big part of me couldn’t do it.

I wish that all of our children could have this type of care. It’s high quality in a home environment plus my daughter now has a friend she met there and they take walks together or go to Starbucks, etc. I feel very fortunate because I know many of our children are living on the streets. My daughter comes to my home every Saturday has lunch with us and at time has dinner with us if she’s feeling well. Best for her is that she still gets to see her children and have a relationship. Her mental illness will always be there. Her environment plus medication is so important to her stability. I can no longer be her caretaker. I’m raising her small children and she knows that I love them as much as she does. The adoption has been extremely painful for my daughter but she finally realized that she is not capable of parenting.

So moms and dads - take care of yourself first. I pray that all of you find the care your child needs. Also, don’t feel guilty if you are completely burned out and can no longer do it. I had to come to that before I could let her go. I love her but also felt tremendous guilt that I gave birth to a child who would have to suffer so much her entire her life but with a structured and quiet environment, a good caretaker who truly cares our kids can have a life. Not the life we wanted for them or the life our children envisioned for themselves before the mental illness. Take care of yourself.