Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Will not do appointments at all


#1

My 32 year old son will not go to any doctor or dentist. He used to but now he refuses to make any appointment.

What advice do you have???

Also he used to help pick up his room but now also will not do it.

His room has food all over his clothes are all on the floor.

Also something new now he will not tie his shoe laces.

I am beginning to run out of patience.

Any advice you can offer is much appreciated. Thank you and have a great day!


#2

Hang in there take a deep breathe ,and try to listen to him , then take it frm there ,diagnosis’s etc hope this helps ,god bless


#3

I used a lot of ‘carrots’ to get my son to his psychiatrist appointments. Now we can go without incident. I didn’t press about other doctor visits, but would occasionally make the offer.

If his room is unhealthy, I would remove the items that need to go to the trash, and leave the rest.

Maybe get him some slip on shoes so laces will not be an issue.


#4

There you go a problem shared is a problem halved :smile:


#5

How do you react to his uncleanliness? I used to argue with my son about it and tell him to do things like a child. It ruined our relationship for quite some time. I’m doing things differently now and slowing rebuilding what was broken. I talk to him now like a friend and with respect, being very careful with my words.

I am using examples when I can. I had chemo a while back and because of it am experiencing issues with my teeth. I show him what is going on in my situation and I see him thinking about it. Now he is starting to use Neem (alternative to toothpaste) and brings it up that he is doing so. I nod and just say “nice” and leave it at that (I avoid the “I told you so” tone entirely now). I don’t berate him about things, society will do that for us.

I think men, and these are men, not boys, stop caring when they lose their autonomy. My son was depressed and those are symptoms of depression. When he started coming out of his depression, he started caring more about his appearance. Don’t get me wrong, its far from where he needs to be, but its a start.

I also work with homeless people frequently at my library and every once and a while, I’ll throw in an anecdote about one of my patrons and how sorry I felt for him because he was in pain due to his teeth. It gives him something to think about but I’m careful to put space between my stories and fill the rest in with praise and lots and lots of love. The other week I told him I really liked the clothes he was wearing and that he looked handsome - he wears that outfit all of the time now, but I know he’s listening.

Pick your battles. Good luck.

hugs


#6

I have learned that you can’t treat someone with schizophrenia like a child by bossing them around or telling them what to do. My son is also 32. He gets Invega Trinza 4 times a year. He is in disability, state paid health and Medicare and he receives food stamps. He lives in his own, and he has a car, but his cleanliness is terrible. My sister cleans his apartment 2x a month, and I text him daily about brushing his teeth and 3x a week about showers. It’s a terrible disease. It makes me angry that this happened to him…but we deal with it. Everything you have said I’ve been through for the past 8 years. He wears clothes and shoes to bed…so much to type. It’s a struggle honey but keep with it…THEY NEED US.

Val


#7

lol, I see the same wearing-clothes-to-bed behavior. It bugs me, but really, why does it matter?


#8

I think one of the reasons I care about these things is because our family members are treated poorly by others in society. We want our family members to do well and I agree 100% with @Holly67. It took me awhile to let some things go and also work towards what is really needed, like tooth brushing. I still lose patience or feel helpless. And I definitely try to remove old food.


#9

It doesn’t matter. I’ve resigned myself to whatever he does because he is here and I love him. I’m lucky to still have my son regardless of his habits… like I went to his apartment about a month ago (because he lives 650 miles from me)…I was cleaning the kitchen. The dishwasher was full and clean, so I was going to put them away for him… I opened the first cabinet and in there he had turned 3 plastic cups upside down spaced out on each of three shelves… on top of each cup he had placed a super ball… I had to laugh… I opened the other 2 cabinets and the same scenario. In the bathroom, he had taped a 9 volt battery and a few little twigs to the mirror… he does the funniest things…He is very intelligent and artistic… an awesome artist… he also plays bass and sings. Still his hygiene is lacking, he wears his clothes and shoes to bed, but I love him to pieces.