I have had no contact, in-person or phone in 5 years. No compliance with meds. Police in different cities state he has been observed yelling “planes and people are stalking me.” Hospitalized inpatient 5 times for past 20 years with clear diagnosis of SZ with bipolar and personality disorders. Can’t conserve. If police pick him up on involuntary hold, it’s just for 72 hours and conserving is only good for 1 year. I miss him terribly and have advocated for him all his life. Now distance is even further away for him + HIPPA laws. Has anyone “detached” from son/daughter and/or just given up even though love directs us to “never give up”?
I’ve told this story before on these boards, so if you already know it you can skip this post.
My ex’s brother, a paranoid sz with addiction issues—alcohol, definitely and maybe some hard drugs—left home and went to Calif. where he stayed for 20+years. At times, he was homeless. Very little contact w his brothers.
One day, out of the blue, he calls his mom and tells her to pick him up at Port Authority in NYC. A “friend” paid for his bus ticket from CA to NY.
She was a little reluctant to get him from the bus station. She was in her 70s, lived alone, and hadn’t really communicated with him in years. But she went. Said he looked like Grizzly Adams when she met him, with a big, bushy beard!
Once at her house, he cleaned up his act. He shaved! He became compliant w his meds and psych appts, was active in his church, even had a girlfriend. I got to know him, too. He was a nice guy. Kinda kept to himself, but always polite.
The mom LOVED having him around. Kept her company. And she doted on him, even though he was in his late 50s.
Anyway, he lived with his mom peacefully for the next 15 years or so (until he died of cancer).
I hope your story has a similar happy ending, but with a shorter timeline.
Jan, I have not read your story before and I am so glad you shared it. Thank you! What a lovely and inspiring story and I loved reading every bit of it. Great reminder to keep fighting and never give up hope. <3
My situation is not like yours, but I can say that since love is an intangible, mysterious thing… that just caring where your loved one is, even while missing, is helpful to him somehow and shows that you haven’t given up. Hope and love… sometimes that is ALL that can be done.
I am lucky that my daughter came back after 30 days when she went missing a few years ago. I didn’t have to worry where she was after she returned, and the worry while she was gone was significant… But life with her for the following 2 years, while unmedicated, was super taxing. Right now, things are good. So, my situation is different than yours.
I hope you can be kind to yourself, and that you continue to care.
I am so sorry, this illness is so painful for all involved.
I totally feel your pain. My unofficially adopted son whom I took in over 7 years ago, he is now 29 was removed 2 weeks ago from my moms as he became violent and punched holes in br door, then proceeded to rip it off the hinges. I called 911, requested crisis unit and listen to this ( no crisis unit on weekends) :(. unbelievable… His therapist and I thought ok, this is it, they will take him to ER for eval… Noooo. because he wasn’t harming himself or others just personal property. UGH… I had him removed and now he is very angry at me, says what mother would call the cops on her son; I reminded him that what son would act like that and destroy property, be violent, disrespectful, he does not get it and never takes responsibility for his actions. He is now homeless and hanging out with the only other people he knows and with his illness I cant imagine him being allowed to stay there long? His probation officer is running out of patience. I took him to Dr. at his request for sleep aid, she explained what it was, how it worked, etc. he was fine until prescription being filled, insisted they were doing things to it and then later told his therapist that I set him up and tricked him and he is angry. ?? No matter what we do it is not right by them as they are so sick. He was texting me last night that the cops are following him around and that he pulled over and they got out of their car and was circling him? All not true and today he is texting me like nothing ever happened? I have even reached out to Dr. Phil over 6x and no response, quite frustrating as he says if you need help, give me a holler!!! We are desperate to help him before he does something stupid and gets arrested again, which will land him some major time with a previous record. He is so sick, you cannot have a logical conversation with him but yet there are times where he functions great on some days or part of the day. He helped my husband work yesterday and did a great job. So apparently if we can re-direct his attention at times, he is ok but then goes back to his delusions and paranoia, insisting people are spraying him with meds as he walks by or they spray him while he is sleeping as according to him, HE can feel it and he is not stupid (his words). The whole state is after him as he insists he knows too much info. on sheriff so they will never leave him alone? Day at a time is all I can do. Thankful for the forum.
I feel for you and my heart just aches. Sorry I’m not much help with advice. It is ridiculous that there is no crisis help on the weekend. It sounds like your son is having visual hallucinations as well as delusional thoughts and hearing voices. It’s so heart breaking. I’m sure you have done everything that you can to help intervene.
Our son was very similar to what you are describing and it was on MLK weekend two years ago. No matter how hard I tried, I was unable to get help. He just snapped. The police, The ER and crisis center (closed for the holiday) people refused to help because Lou had never hurt anyone and also had no record of violence. I think you know it did not end well for our son and he is currently being held in a forensic hospital.
Many prayers here, AnnieNorCal
Yes, sigh, I understand. The police here don’t act (on mental health calls) on just property destruction. The police won’t act on property destruction on a domestic violence call either. However, a restraining order for domestic violence to remove a person from the home CAN be gotten with evidence of enough property destruction. (That is how I calmed down a scene with my alcoholic husband.) Since you got your son out of the house, that isn’t needed now, but I certainly understand the heartbreak of navigating psychosis that is obvious to us, but not to our loved one. It is soooo hard to watch the downward spiral.
@AnnieNorCal my heart goes out to you this weekend since Monday is MLK day. It must be hard to have a holiday be a reminder of your son’s trouble each year.
It is craziness at its best that there is no help BEFORE it goes all bad. It is hard enough dealing with our loved ones and their issues but to be asking, screaming, demanding ANY kind of help and get Nothing is unethical in my mind. It is literally like watching your loved one drown while you stand there with your hands tied. Painful beyond words! Did your son show prior signs of things I have described, how did he finally snap if you don’t mind me asking. We are observing as much as we can and yes my son is delusional, paranoid beyond words and apparently hallucinating as he says people are coming into wherever he is and spraying him with meds as he insists he can feel it. It would seem all these symptoms alone would qualify for immediate help. I am so sorry about your son, my heart is broken for all of us. Thank you for sharing.
My son left the country and is homeless in Europe. He is in an extremely dilutional right now and he hasn’t talked to me in 2 weeks. I think about Hume everyday and night and I believe he will be cured somehow oneday. When he is here there problems because I have to keep him calm or relaxed (you know what I mean) him being so far away I just want to get him here but worried about either option. I think he I’ll call me and want me to buy an airfare home, but this can’t really be his home right now