Hi I’m 41 years old and I just found out that the parent I am a caregiver for is schizophrenic. How did I just find this out? She has hidden and locked me out of that part of her health care my whole life. It wasn’t until her caretaker passed away and she moved in with me and my spouse that we realized we may be dealing with more than just depression and anxiety. She was admitted into the hospital on Saturday, discharged Tuesday. Her discharge instructions state schizophrenia as one of the discharge diagnosis. It explains a lot about the last 36 years of our relationship which has been highly confrontational and abusive on her end not mine. I don’t know what to do or where to go for help. I feel like the doctor threw me off the boat with an anchor around my ankle and the sharks are circling me. Any and all advice is needed so I know I am giving her the best assistance and care possible. I have so many other questions but we will save those for a rainy day. Thank you in advance.
Was she put on any medication prior to release? If not, the first thing you should do is find a psychiatrist and have her examined. She probably will need meds to prevent another bout of psychosis and help her manage symptoms.
Many experienced people on this site will give you excellent advice, but the first thing you should do is inform yourself about the LEAP method by Dr. Amador. It will give you invaluable assistance in understanding what her mental life is like but mainly help you establish a healthier and more constructive relationship with her.
I imagine this diagnosis is a shock to you, but there are resources to help you and her. Good luck!
Wow I can imagine the shock you received and am sorry you were hit with her diagnosis that way, but I believe that no one could have informed you in the past legally, because of HIPPA laws, unless your mother did herself or she gave consent that allowed you to be told (if she even understands and accepts that she has schizophrenia).
@kwillkat is correct, that medication for your mother and education for yourself are top priorities. Dr. Amador will help you immensely to understand your mother’s state of mind. Schizophrenia grabs hold of the person’s life in a way that is almost impossible for unaffected relatives and friends to understand. But Dr. Amador’s books, lectures and videos help anyone learn to help their person with scz to understand.
Also, search and read threads on this site that seem of interest in your situation. Look for a support group for caregivers, NAMI is usually the best choice.
In my personal opinion, I think the discharge papers did you a huge favor: you KNOW what is wrong with her. I wasn’t told for a long time about my daughter’s diagnoses, even after I took her in, after her life caved in due to schizophrenia…
Because you now KNOW that your mother has scz alot of guesswork has been avoided for you going forward. There is still alot remaining, but you HAVE a diagnosis to work from.
Good luck in the coming battles against scz, everyone here has been through them with their loved one. It hopefully will help you to realize you aren’t alone.
Wow that must have been a shock ,
Im glad at least the diagnosis has been revealed to you that part is huge.
I agree very much with previous posters on Nami.org and Leap institute if you search Nami in your state you should be able to find a localish chapter that offers family support meetings either in person or zoom . These meetings can be very helpful. They are also free.
If you do not have therapy for yourself already I would get it as self care is essential !
Im glad you found this forum as a resource there is a wealth of information here as well.
I e started looking into NAMI already. I am on all of her records as someone who can speak for her and release medical information to but that was the one area I never pushed out of respect to her, at least while she was of sound mind. She was sent home on medications and already has a therapist and a doctor that manages her BH medicines, which are now currently different than what she was taking. I just have questions of how to help her especially when she experiences hallucinations, and what to do about the paranoia. I read conflicting things of challenging them or don’t challenge them. Play along vs don’t play along and I feel overwhelmed already and she has not been home 24 hours. She seems a little less paranoid being in her home but she is still talking about things that did not happen and thinks the hospital are going to send spies here to watch her. She also thinks that they did things to her phone at the hospital and wants me to smash it. So I have it with me. I’m trying to put on a brave face but honestly I feel helpless and terrified I’ll say or do something to make her worse. I’m all she has as the rest of the family thinks she’s faking and wants nothing to do with her or supporting me.
There can be nuanced ways of handing a deluded person, but generally speaking confrontation is NOT advisable. I think the safest thing for you, as you navigate the early days of figuring out how to best help her, is to avoid challenging her.
That doesn’t mean you have to agree with anything she says, though. You can choose to not respond, or respond empathetically, i.e., “Hmmm, I am sure that (deluded thought) must be a scary thought for you, Mom.” You’ll find out much more once you check out the LEAP method, which I urge you to do ASAP. It is a gold standard and used all over the world.
I am waiting to hear back from the LEAP website as I looked into it earlier this morning. Thank you for telling me about them.
I know that with my daughter if I validate the way she feels, " saying like if I were going through that I would feel angry also or, that sounds horrible. I would be terrified if that were happening to me" you have to remember what they are saying is true to them so to have some just say I believe in you or how that make you feel is so comforting to them. Some of the time my daughter would just drop the subject after we talked about it for a while and the look of calm that would come over her once she realized I was not chalenging her and saying she was lieing or delusional was very “can’t think of word” . Not saying this would always work but most of the time.
I know the feeling thought of walking on eggshells and worrying about, well everything you say or do. But now it like here we go again. And sometimes you will not have the energy or patience for her believe me. That when you will need to establish if you can that you need some me time. Thank you for caring for your mother. But remember to care for yourself also.
sorry that was a little random my boss was walking around me.
Thats okay i understand. I don’t think mom reliezes her diagnosis yet so im always stepping outside to take phone calls or hush tones. One main issue i ran into yesterday bringing her home from the hospital was she saw a homeless man and started screaming thats my friend, (she knows no one in area as we only just moved here, my hubby is in the military) and she wanted us to let him the car to bring him home to protect him from the spies and abuse at the hospital. I got lucky this time that my car was too packed with her belongings and walker that i could barely sit in the backseat. What do I do in cases like that? Honestly the first thought i had was she was going to grab the steering wheel to get my husband to pull over and cause an accident.I dont know how to act if that happens again.
Your mom may not realize her diagnosis. Many with schizophrenia have anosognosia also (inability to see their own mental illness). My daughter has never admitted that her voices aren’t real, she tells me they are real out-of-body people.
We talked a lot yesterday and she asked me what they diagnosed her with so I told her the truth. We talked about some of the hallucinations she had with me with her and she kind of got upset because I saw that. She also is worried that me and my hubby are scared of her now and I calmed those fears by saying mom do you think you would be back living here if we were. I’m more scared FOR her than of her. She’s is living this and experiencing this not us, ya know what I mean?
Your local library will have the book, and you should start reading it. I had to read it a few times to digest everything but it was SO helpful! You can get it analog or digital. Find the edition release in 2020ish. It’s updated and has additional material from the first edition.
Thank you so much! Ive already started looking into books to read and purchase so I can pass them on to family members once i understand everything.