Hi, I’m the caregiver for my mom who has schizophrenia and she’s unmedicated. She’s fine on medication, but she won’t leave home to see a doctor. We keep trying to get her to go to the MVA to get her ID because her driver’s license expired. She totaled 2 of my dad’s cars so she’s not allowed to drive anymore. She tries to run away from home sometimes. She leaves the stove on. Today she pooped in the bathtub because the toilet was clogged and my dad had to clean it up. Any advice? I joined this support group and the NAMI support group. Hoping for tips. I’m wondering if we can maybe try to do telehealth or get a home nurse to come check her. She also has hypertension, diabetes 2, and lupus. Please advise. Thanks.
I don’t know how severe her schizophrenia is, but if she has physical symptoms (like headaches or diabetes as you mentioned) you could tell her that you want her to see a doctor for these symptoms.
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Praying for your mom and family. My mom recently took her life due to a mental illness. She was mis diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 30 ago and was healed after 4 years. It then came back last year.
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Has she been checked for Dementia? When my Mom had dementia we had a doctor come visit her. She often left the stove on. My brother who has Schizophrenia was given a shot so he did not have to take oral meds. I hope all goes well. It is a tough job to be a caretaker. Please be sure to take time for yourself.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you so much. It was so difficult. God sustains me.
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An update: My mom seems to be okay. She recently racked up a water bill of $1500 in one month though. My dad, and her primary caretaker has taken steps to turn the water off when Mom isn’t using it.
It’s hard because dad is retiring age, but he still is looking for a job here locally (used to travel overseas a lot for work). Now dad wants me to look into getting mom a passport so they can retire to the Philippines together and mom can see a quack doctor who will “treat” her schizophrenia (she’s currently unmedicated). I don’t know how that’ll work though because Mom won’t get her state ID at the MVA. Dad drinks heavily and is an alcoholic. I don’t live with either of them, but I still feel stressed and overwhelmed about them.
Any advice on coping or tips on how to move forward with this situation? Thanks. Sorry to ping for an old conversation.
@SallyV I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, and that the medical system failed her. I hope you heal quickly from your grief. Take care of yourself.
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@lost_nemo13 Honestly, there is not a lot you can do for your parents in my opinion. My husband drank terribly when my adult daughter was ill, it was his way of coping. Since she went on Haldol injections and slowly stopped acting out, to the present where she doesn’t act out at all, he has been drinking much less, and even my daughter appreciates how much he changed. I had to get both of them separately through the legal system and onto proper medication to tame the odd regular episodes each would have. The ONLY way I was able to handle them was by calling the police, using the courts and driving them to their medical/psychiatric appointments, and it was soooooooo hard on me personally, those bad years.
Since you don’t live with them, and you are not legally responsible for them, you might just have to let them live their own lives, and accept their separate illnesses are not yours to solve. Use the LEAP method of Dr. Amador to communicate well with them. Tell you dad he is responsible for getting your mom a passport, and let it happen or not happen… and not all doctors in the Philippines are quacks, perhaps one CAN get your mother on medication. But remember, medication doesn’t work for everyone, and sometimes many medications have to be tried and switched from, so getting your mom on medication is only the beginning of perhaps handling her schizophrenia.
My 73 year old friend with a 40 years old son with schizophrenia recently used the courts to force hospitalize him (called ex parte). Before this forced hospitalization, his 6th, he went off clozapine which she worked very hard to get him on. He is now on a 2 month injectible, forced on him before he was released from the hospital. She doesn’t know if he will agree to get his 2nd shot in a few months or not.
My suggestion is to continue with NAMI to help yourself through your grief that this situation exists for your parents. And of course, post here, so others who understand can offer their own tips.
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I understand. Thank you for your advice. My therapist said the same thing that I’m not responsible for changing my parents’ ways. Still, it’s nice to hear that from others.
I hope I can accept it.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It’s been a tough rode for my brothers and I. I just can’t believe sometimes.
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Sigh, it IS a rough illness to deal with. The worst thing about it is that no one understands how rough it is to have a loved one with this disease unless they also have had someone affected by schizophrenia in their lives. The total unreality of friends and family and co-workers leads to sometimes very bad advice or very bad comments about us and the way we are handling our own personal situation with our ill loved one. I felt guilty for so long about trying to force my daughter into medication but it truly was the best decision I made for her. I also felt guilty when she was homeless, but it was a path she had to go through to appreciate the home I gave her.
My message here is to love yourself for caring and trying to help when others with no experience with delusions and hallucinations (which includes some psychiatraists, police and courts) give out bad advice.
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My condolences to you, your family, friends, and loved ones.
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Update: went to a NAMI family support group. They suggested I try telehealth visit for mom. I got her scheduled for March 13. Hopefully she’ll sit down for the visit, I’ll give the provider a heads up that mom is finicky and flighty.
Thanks all for your advice! Will update when I can.
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Thank you so much. I sometimes just can’t believe it. I don’t understand how and why. It’s incredible. Thanks again. 
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Update: Mom had her primary care telehealth visit today. It was mostly me talking to the doctor, and he saw my mom for like 30 seconds because she wouldn’t leave her room. He is going to referral mom to a psychiatrist for a telehealth visit and gave mom bloodwork to do.
She didn’t go to the MVA to get an ID today, we were literally in the parking lot for the MVA and she didn’t want to go. So that was disheartening. But at least there’s good news with the primary care doctor. Hopefully, she can see the psychiatrist soon and get on some meds.
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I’m glad you got the referral, I know, it is disheartening when we literally get them to the door and they won’t walk in.
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Yeah, I received some bad advice from friends, family therapist and doc. It’s sad when you don’t hear from them all now because they feel bad. They had no clue. She wouldn’t share what was truly going on. I told the family therapist that even she didn’t know what was going on. I knew things she was doing wasn’t normal but the therapist couldn’t see it. Mom kept repeating things over to her and was saying, “no, no, no, it’s not that”. When i was 17 she fell ill with supposed depression and anxiety. It sounds like it was a psychotic episode. Mom had childhood trauma. She got better after 4 years. I remember her Praying and reading the bible constantly. I asked her how did she get better and she said one day, she just woke up and everything was back to normal. No meds. Before she passed, she was married to a man for 5 yrs and she was not happy. I could see the decline in her happiness but i didn’t think it was anything to worry about. She told him to leave and he health started going. I thought she was just depressed over the relationship and would get over it. I couldn’t even see straight after a while. My health started being affected. Anyways, she is with the Lord now and i will see her one day. Thank you for listening. God bless
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Update: Just wanted to get this out, but was frustrated today, because yet another attempt of getting my mom to go to the MVA (motor vehicles administration) failed. She needs a new ID, and she has schizophrenia and is unmedicated. Tried to bribe her with shopping afterwards, but it didn’t work. This is like the 3rd or 4th attempt? The last before this, she got in the car and wouldn’t leave the parking lot of the MVA. Didn’t even get that far, so I just left my parents’ place and went home. Will try to get my mom into adult foster care, and have her doctor fill out a form for it. My dad is trying to retire to the Philippines in 5 years, so that’s why we want mom to get her ID and then a passport. Sigh. I do have power of attorney for my mom, but it’s hard to get her to the MVA if she doesn’t want to go. Hopefully, the adult foster care form will lead to something, but I don’t even know how they can take her if she has an expired driver’s license.
I’m sorry you aren’t able to apply for her new license online. My state has that option and that is how we kept Mike’s license current.
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