Please help, I don’t know what to do. My mum has had depression, cut off ties with everyone, lost motivation, has manic depressions, gets violent sometimes and all. She’s had these symptoms for 5 years now but we’ve all lived in denial. We finally accepted she’s schizophrenic. This burden is on me as the eldest, I have an uncooperative dad who thinks she is his downfall. I need help, how do I convince her she needs to start taking medications and I need to be strong for my siblings, they are hurting.
Well congrats Sharon for taking the first step to repair of the family. Dad needs not to believe that your mom is not his downfall. But needs instead to understand what you know.
Try to get her in a hospital. There they will put her on medication, so she can regain insight. It would help to have family counseling for the whole family as well.
I’m NOT going to congratulate you and make a remark as “good girl”…because this is not being good. And noone can fix another,let alone a family.
“The burden is on me as the eldest” you say…I know this situation so well as an eldest child. I felt I was the strongest and the healthiest in the family so I was responsible for the well being of all. But I didn’t realize that I had my own needs. I was unaware of my own feelings,of how I feel about the whole situation. Noone was caring about my needs whereas I was desperately trying to care for others’. This was not healthy.Not healthy at all .But I didn’t know it at the time.
Please get professional help.Tell the situation at home to some professionals who are knowledgable about the dynamics in dsyfunctional families.Please do that for your own sake,first and foremost !
Please get informed about the roles of children within dsyfunctional families.The dynamics of that kind of families are in action,as far as I can see.
“A dysfunctional family is one in which the relationships between the parents and children are strained and unnatural. This is usually because one of the family members has a serious problem that impacts every other member of the family, and each member of the family feels constrained to adapt atypical roles within the family to allow the family as a whole to survive.”
You are stepping forward to be the “hero” of the family which is not a natural state but an adapted role and which will be extremely detrimental for your life.
Please get help for yourself first.Otherwise you’ll get lost in a fog of insanity and not be able to help others as well.
My father has had schizophrenia for as long as I can remember. He wasn’t like this when my parents married but it started to develop soon after (although there were probably symptoms way back that my mum had no clue to look for). Like your family, there was denial for a long while.
Most importantly for you now, what support networks do you personally have in place for you? Do you have a school counselor (no idea what age range you are or if you live with her…), or nurse that you could confide in? Are there any other trusted family members or friends aside from your siblings and father you could speak with? It was the ‘family secret’ for my family and I’m sure that’s not healthy.
Secondly, has there been anyone from the medical side that is or could be aware of your mum’s worsening condition, even if a diagnosis hasn’t been made? A Dr or nurse she see’s regularly that might have noticed perhaps? If so could you perhaps speak to them for guidance on what the process for mental health support is in your area.
All best wishes, Sharon. I have an idea how hard this must be for you.