Alas…. Ennui… May it fade away…


#1

Webster’ s dictionary has a word that is the cross between melancholy and dissatisfaction… Ennui. (änˈwē) :expressionless:

This is very uncharacteristic for me. I try to remain an optimist but I have fallen into a patch of ennui. (and I can’t get up)

My S.Z. sibling support group makes me feel 100% worse each time I go. I do realize that not all towns have this luxury, and I was lucky to have this resource in my life for as long as I have. But lately it’s degenerated into a pit of anger, hate and negativity. I have to quit attending the group and I will begin looking for a different one.

Or, if it’s not too corny or impossible, maybe I’ll try and find youth councilor and try and make a new one out of the few other members who weren’t so negative.

It’s not just people battling SZ who have a problem with maintaining insight. Angry teen-agers have no insight either. Some of the people in my group amaze me with the amount of resentment they hold about everything.

I know how traumatic it can be to have a sibling suffering with this and having their actions affect the family. I know how confusing it is, how scary it can be at times, how even some times you can feel like your neglected because you don’t have the same attention as your sibling who is ill. My parents didn’t always divvy out their time and resources equally. But they acknowledged this and tried to amend it when it happened. Even if NONE of my brothers had any of their problems…. There are 5 of us. It’s got to be hard.

I get very upset about these other siblings in my boat who just rage against their affected brother or sister for months and months on end, expecting the sibling who is ill to make ALL the changes and they shouldn’t have to do anything to help the situation. Why does that happen?

Why don’t they realize that they themselves could make an effort to learn what SZ is, or maybe try some patience? Now, I’m not saying that we siblings should excuse abusive behavior. But maybe we could help be part of the healing instead of inflicting hurt. I wish I could talk to siblings who actually like their family member.

Thank you for letting me rant this one off…… Alas ennui, this too shall pass. Yet it can’t pass soon enough.

P.s. Before my brother reads this and thinks I’m suffering trauma, I’m not. I’m still thankful he is in my life and I’m still grateful to be living with him.


#2

by the way i read your post though this is not related.
because of you supporting your brother, you actually helped me.
when i was at my most lowest (suicidal), i came onto the site and J communicated with me , just replying to a post he made me feel so much better, and not alone.
so thank you for sticking by your brother .
so i guess i am thanking both of you.
take care


#3

Wow, thank you a lot for your posts as well. :blush:

This is very reciprocal because like so many other’s I haunted the old forum for a long time before getting the nerve to ask my first question. I remember reading your sense of humor on the older forum.
That sort of got me into the mind set that I wouldn’t be flamed off the board for asking a question.

Thank you darksith.


#4

I hope you find support that has positive energy. Negative ppl drag down everyone around them.


#5

I think starting your own positive group is a great idea. One that says check your negativity at the door :wink:

I sometimes marvel at how much I can be motivated by this generation. Teenagers like yourself, my daughter and my son help to teach me that if you guys can stand up and do what you do there’s no reason why I can’t do the same and make a difference.

Your ennui will pass… You are too awesome to let it hold you down for any length of time.


#6

I feel much better this morning. It’s just when you sit in a room filled with bitterness and anger for over an hour, it can really mess with your head.

It makes me feel like even more of a goodie two shoe.
Plus now that the group has sunk to name calling. The new councilor is trying to maintain a focus or a guideline in the group, I have to stop going. It was such a valuable resource when I was 14, 15 and 16. Sometimes we didn’t talk about SZ at all and just talked about other stuff.

My brother once posted that he was thinking some of his darker times might be what helped keep me away from drugs. It was a vast part of it. But the other part was this group.

I am thinking about what it might take to create my own sibling group. First would be a qualified adult who knows how to facilitate something like this. Swedish Hospital has a good psychiatric wing and they do a lot of education and outreach. They would most likely be who I would want to talk to first.

Centrally located, Safe Meeting space with some privacy and ample parking is a piece of cake. Seattle has 32 community centers and they all have some extra space some where. We also have something like two libraries per neighborhood. They have meeting rooms too.

I think I’m in teeter mode. That whole… Well, it’s crazy, I’m just me, I couldn’t possibly undertake something like this… But how hard would it be to just TALK to one of the nurse/educators at Swedish? I don’t know… I think a day or two more of recharging the batteries and I’ll be able to get my feet back on the ground.
Thank you Everyone. I’m still looking for ideas.