Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Anybody else struggle in waves?

I don’t know if the topic really makes sense but i go through waves of depression, I will often be happy for a while then go back into my depressive habits. Like i’ve said before my mom has schizophrenia and the doctors took her off the really heavy anti psychotic but still has her on a light dosage and it seems to be doing fine. Although the delusions aren’t so much there anymore i still with often think about the hard times and get into that depressed state again. Its a vicious cycle i cant seem to break, next week i will be moving out and going to college so that might help me but its hard because i still feel like i haven’t healed fully from what trauma i went through. I feel like my brain hasn’t processed that whole part of my life with the crazy delusions and i’m still trying to catch up and realize what actually happened, Its like my brain was is fight or flight mode and kinda froze until now. Can anyone else relate or have any advice on how to heal from this?

Hi @rspan, I am happy to see you here on the site again, and especially happy that your mother seems stable on a lighter dose of medicine, and am smiling broadly that you are moving out to go to college. That is very well done!

I am sorry to say that the cycle of depression you are experiencing doesn’t sound too unusual to me. I think that everyone who cares for someone with sz goes through waves of deep depression, crying, and hopelessness of varying degrees along with guilt at not handling the situation better. Up down up down like a roller coaster ride. My daughter’s deep psychosis lasted for 2.5 years, along with my super deep emotional lows. Then the Haldol Dec shots began and she regained a life free from most delusions and hallucinations. I also regained a life free from constant awful cycling depression and fear, but it has taken almost 10 months for me to recover my own emotional stability.

My worst childhood trauma was being raped at 15 by two adult young men who were strangers to me. That haunted me for quite some time, and recovery for me was extremely slow. I was sooooo confused for a long, long time. Honestly, and this may sound a weird comparison to you, but I think that your life growing up with dealing with sz and its worries was far worse than my own trauma. Mine was only one actual day of abuse, while your family upset lasted for a long time while you were growing up and took its toll (freezing your brain as you described).

My advice is to be kind to yourself, participate fully in your new adventure at college by studying hard and planning for the future, and to go to a NAMI support group if you can. And of course, use this site. We all understand the confusion and depression that is caused in us by caring for someone with sz. I wish you the best!

@oldladyblue I truly appreciate all of your support that you have given me and you taking the time to share your personal stories with me and others that struggle, you truly are such a light to this sight and im sure to those around you!

im not really sure why these cycles happen and how to keep my head up but its hard to talk to the people i have shared with because i feel like its always the same thing i struggle with and i dont want people to get annoyed with it or feel like they havent helped me. (if that makes sense)

That must have been so hard to deal with, you are so strong and i appreciate your willingness to share. I dont know if one would cause more trauma to be honest, its an obvious different situation but growing up with the mom i had was hard but each situation i feel has its own challenges. when i was really young she had actually died and was brought back in surgery and received many complications from that then she broke her back and has permanent damage then got addicted to pain meds and became abusive then the schizophrenia developed so its really strange to go through so many stages and i feel like i just got stuck and was just trying to fight for my life and now its catching up.

Thank you for the wishes, im actually going to be studying psychology hah! it might just be my way to figure out this whole thing but im really looking forward to it!

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Thank you for the compliments, it means a lot to me. I like to think I can provide some help to others.

Studying psychology is certainly a way to try and understand yourself and others more, and may be a way for you to give to those in need.

Oh, my, your mother has had some terrible times in her life. You must be very strong yourself to go through watching such events unfold. What challenges she had to face, and is still facing, with her illnesses.

I would say that you shouldn’t worry about whether others get annoyed or not if they can (or can’t) help you to feel better when you are struggling with a wave of emotions. I have lost some friends and gained others during this battle with sz, life MUST change with this illness in order to cope, so I guess friendships change too. Most people have no idea how to handle such deep emotional upsets as caregivers and those with sz face often.

Be kind to yourself, all of us need to care for ourselves too.

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