Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Why not me? Why didn’t I end up with sz?

I could write a book on everything I’ve gone thru from childhood on, so much trauma, moving to a new place and new school every year. No stability @ home, or with maintaining long term friendships. It was hell. So much more hell in addition to the “normal” hell that life can bring. And of course the most recent horrific tragedy from 5 years ago, my son being diagnosed with sz.

It’s mind boggling that I’m still considered “sane” by society’s standards I guess. But am I really? I could just be one of those “functioning” schizophrenics.

Maybe because I know I need to stay strong and stay focused more than ever now. I don’t know how I keep going. I really should be in a straight jacket in a locked up padded cell.

I suffer from depression, but amazingly still functioning and doing what I need to do (to the best of my ability anyway).

I don’t get why I never snapped while younger and went into psychosis.

To be honest, I’ve never heard of any of this in my 20’s and 30’s, but it now seems to be an epidemic, especially within a certain age range.

Some days, though, it’s just really hard to “function”…but I don’t believe in meds so…


I can relate this in part… this is why I was wondering about my own mental health as I was learning more about schizophrenia.
I was noticing some of the negative symptoms in myself… some level of depression, social anxieties, etc. I just don’t have any of the positive symptoms… no hallucinations or delusions.

Although my home was somewhat stable, I didn’t have the best relationship with my father. He was somewhat strict and he seemed somewhat hard on me because I was very argued a lot. It was always hard (and still is) for me to make friends.

I do have ADHD and I have been learning that this can often have comorbidity with many of the negative symptoms of other mental illnesses.

I a trying to maintain my ADHD naturally as much as I can because I don’t think we afford to have two people meeting with psychiatrists.

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Hi @Windyhill63,

Same here, no hallucinations. Voices, or delusions, just a lot of negative symptoms, and they worsened after my son’s diagnosis.

Still, I manage to get up everyday, trudge myself to work, and get things done.

My goal now is quite clear, leave behind as much as possible for both of my boys, that is the least I can do before I leave this earth.

If I was confused about my purpose in life before, I’m sure not confused now.

Regarding your daughter, get her involved in something as soon as possible after graduation. Something she actually looks forward to, forget monetary reasons. I feel giving her something to look forward to daily will make a world of difference in her progress.

My son just sat in his room, in the dark, after graduation from high school. This lasted a few years before his first major break. I tried to get him to do different things, he would not. He never wanted to be around family or anyone else. I knew something wasn’t right since about the age of 15.

So, that is my best advice to you. Get her out of the house as much as you can.

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This is our goal… we don’t want her to do nothing. In the summer she will focus on getting her driver’s license.

We know that once school starts again, we don’t want to just let her stay at home. She has anxieties about staying alone at home. She says the anxiety meds does make it easier to do, but I think she should do something to keep herself active.

I can so relate to you I had it very tough growing up Orphanages etc my mum I think was scitzoph but me I just get so stressed cause my daughter has it plus a drug problem honestly don’t know how it skipped me I just keep getting up up up but so sorry that I have to watch my daughter with it. Makes me really question if it was anything to do with her sexual abuse horrifying for me and her of course my heart is always breaking

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@Eli55, I am so very very sad for you and your daughter. My son never experienced sexual abuse, but his life was laden with trauma left and right, from a very young age. Thankfully, no drugs.

Call it mother’s intuition, a gut feeling, or whatever, but I firmly believe to this day it was environment and trauma which lead to his psychotic break. Something way beyond depression, something way darker and more sinister.

I’m not a huge fan of doctors, psychiatrists or meds, so a lot of times, what they tell me falls on deaf ears. However, I must abide by their recommendation, and my son is currently med compliant. I cringe at the thought of him taking a pill every single day, simply to “suppress”, and “manage”, but never cure.

He has been good on a few things such as trying to eat healthier and is considering vitamins @ my suggestion. He is trying, and I’m crying every single day. When we talk on the phone, he always ends with “love you”.
My heart also breaks every day.

Wishing you and your daughter a breakthrough somehow and some peace. I would have to agree with you, your daughters past and what she endured most likely played a part in her illness. We are all a product of our environment, and not always a good one.

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Yes I’m with you on dr phyciatrist sometimes I think they have no idea what they r talking about!! Though my daughter 35 this month is very non compliant so this week we started the injections don’t ask me the name cause she’s had so much different medications I can’t keep up!!! Yep I’ve lost my respect for any medical Dr’s sometimes I think maybe she should take nothing cause nothing seems to work voices never stop 24+7 breaks my heart

I know this is the case for my daughter, it wasn’t the only factor but the biggest one that lead to my daughter starting to have problems two years prior to her diagnosis. There was a female friend that pressured my daughter into having a “romantic” relationship with her. Nothing sexual, but definitely emotional abuse. When she revealed this to us, she told us that she does like guys.

My daughter doesn’t like taking medication in general, but is compliant because she can tell a difference in the days she forgets. When have talked about supplements, she has said she just doesn’t like taking pills in general…

She hates the idea of injections even more because needles terrify her.

She has said that is too bad that her haldol isn’t available as a gummy.

I really wish that there were more psychiatrists that took a more holistic approach and not just prescribe medication.

They exist, but are very rare and hard to find.

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I’m sza. Drugs are the only way to manage the disease and voices. If your not med compliant the voices will not go away. It took me two to three years of taking invega religiously before the voices went totally silent. I still take it and I expect to for the rest of my life.

With meds I can be coherent and function far better than without. Sz cannot be cured only managed


My son is also on invega 100mg he keeps saying how horiffic this drug is he can’t do anything anymore because of the constant fatege and the feeling it is giving him he says it’s like he’s buzzing all the time. Can you please tell me what sidefects you have

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I’m on 6mg pills of invega /day. I have no side effects. Different drugs affect different people differently. If it’s a new drug you also have to give it a few months to get used to it. Some side effects will go away over time.

I actually like invega, but it’s not for everyone

I have fatigue too for reasons I can’t pin down since they started before invega. For that I take modafinil and I couldn’t function without it

in absolute agreement
I have been stable for 13 years on a medication i wouldn’t consider coming off it for anything
anti psychotics
the only treatment possible
I get sedation too
but god it is better - i’d have been in a crack house or some other stuff 30 years ago without meds