Is there anybody here whose mother was unmedicated paranoid sz while they were growing up?
That would be me. I was taken Away from her at two years old because she left me at home alone to party and got arrested. She also lost custody of me AGAIN at age 9 because she was terribly ill mentally and addicted to drugs.
If I told you the things that I had gone through because of this, you probably wouldn’t even believe me. The best part? After surviving all of this and coming out relatively okay, I soon after developed schizophrenia myself.
I love my mother, and I now am able to understand and forgive her, but good grief.
Thank you for responding! I’ve never talked to anybody else in that situation. If you are willing…I’m very interested in hearing your experiences and feelings and thoughts…anything that you are comfortable with sharing. Thank you again for responding!
I’m an open book. Ask whatever you would like to know.
Thank you! did you have conversations?
How did you forgive her?
Conversations about the past aren’t really an option when it comes to my mother. She’s very symptomatic and in denial. She also doesn’t remember things the way they happen. I think that she remembers the delusions that she has had during certain times rather than the actual event.
I eventually forgave her when I realized how sick that she actually was. She can’t help the terrible things that she has done because she believes in something other than reality. My mother is a truly beautiful person underneath everything and I can finally see that now that I can understand her illness.
You have a so mother too?
i have a mother who is the daughter of satan, does that count ?
Mine had extreme narcissism. Not SZ.
What was that like?.
I used to feel a lot of empathy for her, but as I get older and less in denial…I feel more justifiable anger toward her. She abused me in serious ways and never showed remorse and the mind can only take so much. I gave her 48 years…that’s enough…I had to let her go. It’s odd that I used to forgive her and now I don’t…it’s like I’m working backwards. I don’t know.
Do you think that maybe you forgave her in the past because at some deep down level, you hoped at some point she might recover enough for you to still have a good relationship with her?
Only now, after all this time, it just doesn’t seem possible, and you don’t want to forgive so easily?
You have a right to feel anger because she didn’t hold up her end of the relationship. Being bitter and angry will eat you alive, it will take over your life and consume you if you allow.
You have to believe your mom didn’t act out willfully against you, she was just doing the best she was able to with her illness controlling her world.
It feels like being angry helps to set a boundary and keep a distance.
It’s quite natural to have anger at not being taken care of properly…very understandable.
I was removed from my parents house for neglect, but for different reasons than you.
I learned to never depend on anyone for anything. If I wanted anything, I had to get it with my own two hands, or do without.
My father although un-diagnosed, I’m pretty sure had some sort of paranoid or psychosis disorder. He would go from extreme religious idealization to drinking. Would beat us then ask us what was wrong. Paranoia about what the neighbors thought. It was hard growing up and not knowing day to day what kind of mood he was going to be in. Was I coming home to my mother with another black eye or the loving father who was currently reading the bible and going with ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. He certainly could quote the bible… Although wearing ‘men’s pants’ could also get us a bloody nose.
Both my parents are now gone. I would welcome back any and all of their quirks and shortcomings. They both hurt me very much however as I grew up I realized that they were both fighting their own demons and insecurities and in being human also, did the best that they could. I have messed up so bad as a parent… How can I continue to judge my parents for things beyond their control. My children have forgiven me, I forgive my parents. Or my ability to forgive has taught my children the ability to forgive me…
Let go of the hurt and anger if you can as it will only eat at you and harm you. Keep boundaries and whatever distance you need.
Sometimes you do go back and forth with your feelings. Maybe things were not resolved for you, but were doing the thing you thought was “right”.
Don`t rush through what you are feeling now. You have to go through it to get to the good feelings so you can forgive-but mostly forgive yourself.
Thank you to people talking about forgiveness. I’m distancing myself from her, because she is really mean to me and it affects me a lot and also affects the way I treat other people. It seems important to be around people who care, so that I can treat people with caring. Even though I distance myself from her I can still forgive her. Thank you for letting me unburden myself here.
Same here. I am not sure if my father had actual psychotic breaks, but he had all the negative symptoms. He had plenty of paranoia, delusions and could be violent in brief bursts. He might have been suffering from psychosis sometimes - he had a big thing about wanting his fillings removed because they were poisoning him, but didn’t trust any dentist so he couldn’t get them removed! He also played the radio all the time. He was ultra-withdrawn. Funnily though, he wasn’t that much of a “problem parent”, mainly because he left us alone most of the time! My mother caused more hurt, and she’s “normal”. Lately though I have been thinking that she may have been very emotionally unsatisfied in her marriage and that’s what caused he to appear so unsympathetic as a mother. I have long forgiven both of them. It’s the nature of humans to be imperfect after all.
I’m so relieved that there are others out there who went through what my sister and I did. Our lives were an unpredictable nightmare. My dad protected (and still protects) my mom, even while we suffered. Apparently the stigma of having a mentally ill wife was a tremendous barrier to him getting her any help.
Did anyone else have a parent that was an enabler or incredibly in denial of the other’s schizophrenia? I would really really appreciate suggestions on how to deal with that, although I think I am at the point in my life where I need to cut off contact as an act of self preservation.
This really jumped out at me. I’m the one with the diagnosis and my parents are both very open and supportive and got me in therapy and help ASAP with no sugar coating.
I have an Uncle who is also a sufferer of Sz and my cousins and I started talking about this part of their lives very recetnly. My Aunt protected my Uncle as much as she could. She didn’t force any help or anything on my Uncle and never discussed my Uncles illness with my cousins… (their kids). My Cousins were very confused, scared, stressed.
They said it wasn’t until I was 5 or 6 and starting to have problems… and then my Aunt seeing my Mom spring into action and open up about my problems… that started helping my Aunt get the courage to open up about my Uncle. When I got diagnosed, that is when my Aunt started being more open about my Uncles diagnosis. My Aunt sort of learned how to get help for her husband as my Mom got help for me. I don’t think my Aunt was in denial, I just think she was scared and had no idea how to get help or know what to do.
It’s hard to open up I guess. I even read here so much that people know their loved one needs help, but they have no idea how to get that help.