Hi all -
I just joined this community after beginning therapy. My elderly mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a few years ago, and the road has been very difficult since I became a mother myself. She has been hospitalized several times and refuses to take her meds. She also lives home alone because she kicked out the caregiver we had placed and thinks everyone is trying to kill her. I have recently stopped taking my toddler daughter to visit because she constantly starts to yell, and tells us we need to leave after just a few minutes. During our last visit, my daughter looked at me sadly and asked, “aba doesn’t want to be with me?”
Not having “the village” everyone talks about is very hard as a first time, working mother and not having the support of my own mother has been so depressing and isolating. I feel like I lost her. I also feel immense guilt for not being able to do more. Due to the paranoia and delusions, she refuses all treatment and help and my sibling has washed her hands of trying to help at all. At the same time, I want to give my child the healthy and stable childhood I didn’t, and know they need my attention and mental health. My mom is such a negative trigger - I feel like I have to avoid her to keep my sanity, which starts the whole sick circle of guilt again.
I guess I’m just looking for people that understand and can provide support. I have found a lot of judgement out there or just people that could never understand. Thanks for reading!