Best friend having a bad episode and accusing me of grooming her

My best friend, who is long distance, recently went into psychosis. She tried to call me in the middle of the night 2 weeks ago, then didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. When I finally got a hold of her she said she was on her meds, but having an episode because caught her ex boyfriend stalking her. The next morning she sent me this long message saying she was a child and that I had been grooming her and she had called the police on me.

Last weekend I tried contacting her (other friend of ours with schizophrenia recommended it) and told her I’d try and call the following day. She deleted the original message about the cops but didn’t pick up, which I brushed off. An hour later she called me back but left the call, then told me to stop through text still claiming she was a child and said she was her dad. She then posted a bunch of strange stuff about religion on Twitter and blocked several friends on social media but not me.

I have BPD and this has been incredibly stressful to deal with. In the time we’ve been friends she’s never had an episode this bad, although she’s had minor ones that I was able to help with. I feel rejected and I’m spiraling but I don’t know what to do as I don’t have her family’s contact information (although they know me), as again, she’d never done anything like this before. I know she is not a child as we graduated high school the same year, but I’m a very paranoid person and all the bad possibilities are stressing me out regardless, and triggering my own symptoms. It also scares me knowing that psychosis can last so long, although my therapist said her family will likely stabilize her soon, but I just don’t even know if she’s on medication or not or if she’s safe, or if the boyfriend thing even happened. Will this episode likely continue longer, and if so what can I do for her and myself? I want to help her so bad but she’s accusing me of such awful things and pushing me away, I don’t know if trying to contact her is a good idea, but I’m tempted. Thank you in advance for any advice or reassurance.

Hi @EK3204 and welcome to this forum. I have been on here for years as my adult daughter was mid a crisis for years before getting and staying on a med that worked for her.

Honestly, if your friend is long distance and you have no way to contact her family, the best thing you can do is to offer friendly phone or text support ignoring any comments you feel are weird without anger or trying to control. For sure only reach out if you feel well enough to handle her bad comments. You have to do self-care first, so don’t reach out if it lowers your own mental state. I suggest that you do not aggravate your own condition, as honestly (my opinion) probably nothing you do long distance will sink through the delusions held about you, unfortunately. This is a terrible disease and even professionals cannot help some people with schizophrenia. Psychosis CAN last a long time. Schizophrenia is a lifelong battle.

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Hi old lady blue, and thank you for the kind words and reassurance. As a minor update, I did try to contact her on Monday night, but she’s not gotten back and I haven’t seen any sign of her since our previous interaction. I did find her brothers contact and might reach out, but I’m paranoid that maybe she said these odd and horrible things about me to him.

I also spoke to my therapist who works with schizophrenia patients and said that although psychosis can last almost indefinitely without treatment, that since it’s been 2.5 weeks and it’s so severe, her family has hopefully noticed she’s having an episode by now. She does work and go to school, and it’s likely this is affecting her ability to do these things, so he suggested there’s a chance she was hospitalized, and most likely her family is working on getting her back on medication or getting her a new one if the existing one stopped working. Luckily from what I understand she has responded very well to most medications in the past and her medication allows her to live a pretty much normal life outside of the occasional episode, so I’m holding out hope that this is the case and I will have my friend back soon.

I’m so glad that you feel things might be getting better for her. And glad that you talked to your therapist about your worries.

I was wondering if you have you spoken with her brother in the past or not? If so, it might be good for you to contact him and explain your side of this story. My daughter reported my husband, her step-father to the police when she was delusional, and they investigated and found she as ill and that they couldn’t trust her stories to them. She called the police often on him during her years of acting-out. When I did get to speak to the detective they were happy to have my side of the story.

Good luck to you.

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I have talked to him briefly and he knows who I am, but we’re not super close or anything. I went through all our old conversations and found his account. Like I said though, I’m a little paranoid that maybe she said horrible things to him, or that she lied about this account being his, or that I’m being invasive or making the situation worse by reaching out. I know those are all unlikely, but I’m a paranoid person so it’s a hard feeling to shake off regardless. I probably will reach out soon though as this whole situation has really aggravated my own conditions.

My only suggestion at this point is to take care of yourself first. Ultimately, you friend’s family should reach out to her with help, as your therapist said.

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