my “boyfriend” is currently in the final stages of diagnosing schizophrenia. I put boyfriend in quotations because for the past year he has been everything but that. I will explain.
I met this man and he was a dream come true. he brought out the best in me. he treated me wonderfully. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. he was perfect in every way. we moved in together, we had a ring picked out, we got a puppy, we started our life.
soon after moving in he completely changed. he went from showering me with love and affection to ignoring me. we didn’t even sit on the same side of the couch. no sex. no kisses. no affection. and I would say “you don’t show me you care anymore” “do you not want to be with me” so on trying to discuss the issue. and it would turn into a fight of him saying “I haven’t changed” “I treat you exactly the same” and turned into constantly fighting. we would fight all day. all night. I would come home from work, pay the bills, make him dinner, clean his clothes, and he’d just sit there and watch TV and fight with me. he wouldn’t let me leave, if I locked myself in the bedroom to calm down hed pick the lock. and after a month of this I told him to leave. I walked outside, calmed down and came back inside to apologize and ask him not to go and he had 7 people in my apartment moving him out completely that night.
he told me he loved me. he told me we’d work this out. and he said he just needs to shock me and that I need help. and I believed him. I went through therapy for months. and I was told I’m perfectly sane and healthy. he would show up and tell me how much he loves me, then ignore me and do whatever he wanted to do. he told the story of our break up to make it look like I was insane, so all of his family and all of his friends hate me. he would say the most hurtful things, then a week later come crying saying he misses me. this went on for 9 months.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. I was so good to him. he constantly blew up at me. he caused our break up. blamed it on me. but seemed so genuine when he’d show up in tears. after that 9 months I was so depressed and sick from the stress of chasing him and the emotional rollar coaster, I went off. and he stopped talking to me. I started finding my life again and started healing but I still couldn’t make sense of what happened to the man I loved so much.
after about a month or so, he asked to meet and talk. so i did, and I put my foot down. I told him if he wanted to be with me he was going to be with me. no staying broken up but coming to me crying. he was to go to therapy (as I suggested before and he refused). and he is to stand up to his friends and family and stop keeping me a secret. so he did.
I figured he’d attend therapy to let go of some baggage and help with anger issues. and after 2 months she mentioned she thought he was schizophrenic. and she was right. he has attended 2 case studys, he is going to the final one tonight and they are 99% sure of diagnosis. come to find out the stress from moving in caused his symptoms which were just starting to sky rocket. and now the stress of the studies and finding this out about himself has caused him to be even worse.
he is so abusive. he yells. he screams. he gets aggressive. he makes very inappropriate comments. he thinks fights occur differently then they did. he blames me. and then he has clarity and is so unable to express his emotions that the most he can say is “sorry love you”
so I guess what I need is advice on what to do.
I know deep down he does love me. he needs me. I can see by how destroyed he is when I’m ready to give up. and I do love him. but I have put up with 13 months of abuse from this. and I don’t know what to expect from here. I try to be here for love and support, and that he cant help it but it’s killing me.
what should I expect? will he be put on medication and be the man I once adored again? is a few more weeks of hell worth seeing him on medication? will it always be this bad? how will the medication change him?
thank you for reading and the help.