Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Brother dying of alcoholism

I hope it is okay to talk off topic.

I have seen my sister in 12 years of deteriorationg Schizophrenia when she was killed by a car age 25.
I have in 44 years spent about 5 in acute psychosis (also paranoid Schizophrenia) although I have been stable for 13 years.

Our brother is now in so many extreme versions of psychological, personality and psychotic problems due to alcoholism… it feels like I am losing my brother above all to psychosis which he has now had for 6 years.

I am unable to process being the only one left, but i really have all belief that there is no longer any hope

I’m hoping for non conventional emotional support
not solutions
i could argue for a week on how he won’t accept help
yes tried rehab
yes tried AA
yes tried therapy
yes moving away
yes tried to get him to see a doctor
he is isolated completely living with Dad
yes accessed emergency psych help
there is nothing
it has been consistently getting worse from 6 yrs ago
a pattern i recognise from our sister who had more and more severe schizophrenia since childhood

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I hear that, I dont worry about it anymore, distractions to normality is my cure… join a swingers group and have fun is one way, lol…

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Three, so sorry for your loss of your sister. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to have to watch your brothers deterioration. Sometimes the best we can do is to take care of our own health and talk about it all with the people who don’t mind listening to us.

“”Bloom where you are planted”

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Have you tried reaching out to Nami and see if they can help or suggest anything ?

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HI Linda,

I’m in UK
x

Hey , are you in London ? if so , try reach out to Equip , they may help .

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HI Linda thanks

i think if she has made her decision there is little anyone can do

This is heartbreaking.

My first husband used drugs since teens and eventually switched to alcohol by late 20s. Took me a while to catch on there were underlying mental health issues. We did all the ‘right’ things.

He was in counseling. He went through rehab twice. Went to AA. I tried to get a psych admit but failed. He believed sincerely he would be dead by 40 so why bother.

He abandoned his family. He still drank. He became homeless. He still drank. He suffered medical issues due to alcoholism. He still drank. Although he spent his adult life convinced he was going to die young, he lived 13 years past his self proclaimed life span end. He drank himself to death.

I did not give up on him so much as let him go. At a point in time you realize there is nothing you can do to fix another person without their desire to be helped. The range of emotions is crushing. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I like to believe there is always hope, as I think there always is. But the practical side of me knows sometimes the hope becomes not for them, but for us to survive the pain.

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thank you thereisalwayshope

I’m so sorry for your first husband and for you

you have put it into words in your last paragraph the state I am in now

my sister found drugs and drinks together

sorry i will go back to being truthful now i have less fear of her finding obscure things on line

i am the eldest sister of 3 sisters we didn’t have a brother
she spent her teens in an abuseive relationship and drinking was a part of that as well as other drugs.

i think by her early 20’s she was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night
she’s 40

You can no more stop someone else’s alcoholism than you can stop someone else’s delusions or hallucinations. When my daughter was psychotic and my husband was drunk, the combination of craziness in my home was almost unbearable to me.

I totally understand your sadness.

My daughter is medicated now, my husband doesn’t act out as much anymore when drinking, but he is probably killing himself with the binge drinking of Fireball whiskey.

I decided after some counseling for myself, and NAMI and Al-anon support groups, that I must forgive myself. I can only do my best. Which is what I do. Now I take time for myself, and don’t feel guilty about not being able to solve what I can’t solve.

Be kind to yourself. You have to be your own best friend. Especially when times are tough. Do some things you LIKE to do, and forgive yourself for not being able to solve all the problems related to mental illness and alcoholism.

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My husband is an abusive alcoholic. Met him at 18 he was 20. This has gone on for thirty years. I always thought each incident was an isolated incident until he retired and I saw there’s no denying a seizure disorder and a psych issue here. He talks to walls , furniture and himself. Is very agitated and has no emotions and u don’t get that back. He is requesting gun permit renewal signature from me but bc I have grave concerns for him and others I am unable to sign which has led to him punishing the kids and I . His family knows but don’t want to help they don’t want to expose him . I am now in the middle of a divorce bc I won’t sign for guns. Do I show audio and video and pics of injuries and damaged he caused. I’m trying to NOT have him arrested. I am the only one telling him he needs help. He does not see it. He says sorry but it’s just till next time. If I get help for me and kids his family cuts us off. Who can I show this to in confidence to prove he’s ill? I just want medical care and I know he don’t have to accept it but I’m trying to keep my family together. Reasoning w him and his ability to problem solve has diminished greatly . Neurologist told him but he still says no it’s your opinion . I don’t want a divorce but he’s controlling the money and he’s unpredictable. He is a retired law enforcement officer which makes him seem stable. He isn’t. He just hid it well or at least to retire in good standing. Since he’s retired I slowly had to take certain items away like the toaster the toaster oven I have found the water running . He breaks things bc his cognition is not good. I know mental illness is not easy but alcoholism on top of it bad news. He runs away or is missing and sleeping for days . I don’t know what to do?

Its all about money, yep, many women/wives do get trapped like this over time. if it were me, start over somewhere

Fuck them,

LOL, he dont need a permit as he already owns many guns (law enforcement officer)

New Red Flag Law could be a way out.

well, sad you chose this life for 30 years…

probably not as he is just a drunk…

You are well trained with a hand gun? Simply defend yourself… problem solved…

So basically he’s willing to walk away from his family for guns that he may never have returned to him. He lost his health that wasn’t enough.

So sorry @Douknow that you are in this horrible position. You will have to decide for yourself how to handle the problems you are facing. Earlier in my life, I chose homelessness over being with an abusive man. It is very tough when there isn’t enough money to run away, but eventually you may have to run from him.

Is there a difference if someone is sick and they dont mean to intentionally on purpose or deliberately do harm. As opposed to someone who is just an abusive man. And if someone is ill do we make allowances or no?

I don’t think we should make allowances for violence. You must keep yourself safe.

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@hope agreed. This is the reason my brother now lives in his own place. It was an expensive solution, but personal safety of family members is paramount. I hang up the phone any time he mentions violent solutions to problems or tries to apologize or minimize saying such things, much less violent actions. He is required to leave if he drinks in any family member’s home. I haven’t taken a drink in front of him since.

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I work in the field of the law. So I support following the law. Or changing bad laws as we can. But not violating the law.

As we all know, whether someone is in their right mind or not, when they commit a crime and get caught, they are punished for it in society. The police and justice system must act to protect the innocent and catch the guilty to their best ability. If someone is drunk, and drives, if caught, he will be arrested. Why? Because of the possibility of danger to others. If someone is mentally ill and hurts someone else, it is a violation of the law. Family members don’t often call the law on a loved one, but the possibility of someone getting hurt still is present.

Sometimes, it is the best way to get a loved one the help they need. It worked that way for my daughter. Only because she violated the law was a scenario set up that she could be forced onto medication, and the medication worked and is still working. Her life is 1000% better because of her arrest before things got potentially much worse.

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Ty for the replies. Isn’t an easy decision and getting the person arrested isn’t the answer because it’s not going to solve anything. I did try and make the necessary safety concerns heard. I just don’t know the logistics involved when voicing safety concerns and I don’t know how in depth they go into it and check it out. I don’t know how intertwined certain services are with certain bureaus and how they really look into all this but I know I did my part making them aware. Short of turning over pics, video , audio . Etc. I’m hoping it never comes to that.

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