Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Can he live alone?


#1

Hello!
Please read our story of linving with schizophrenic son.
I’m a mother of three children, two boys age 29 and 27, and a girl 25 years old. It has been 21 years since my husband past away. My elder son in ages 17 start to develop schizophrenia. In the beginning we had very difficult time till we understand his illness.
His been hospitalised five times till now, when he had difficult crisis and become violent toward family members. He don’t take medication just a depot injection ones in three weeks.
He does whatever he wants, criticizes us all the time for pointless. Watches TV channels that he wants and turn off the television when he wants even when others want to wach it.
He is able to take care of his personal hygiene, takes shower, brushes his teeth and cleans his clothes .
He wants everything to be as he says.
He usually swear and when he is angry, broke plates or cups and physically attacking us and get us out of the house. This time punched me in the head complaining that I was not speaking good words.
Recently I’m thinking to move out of the house and leave him alone , to live in an apartment which is 2km away from home. But I worring whether he could live alone and accept my help from the distance and accepts me to visit him.
Please advice me, because I can’t live with him.
I appreciate your time!


#2

It’s hard to say without knowing him. Maybe you could try it as an experiment and see how it goes and have a back-up plan in case something goes wrong.I live alone and my biggest fear has always been suicide. I got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 when I was 19. But other then suicide I like living alone. I keep my apartment clean, take care of all my bills and all my business.I have had some delusions about my neighbor but I am seriously working on it and the “regulars” on this site have actually helped me and given me some good feedback. But anyway, it’s amazing what we are capable of. It’s hard to guess who will succeed and who won’t. Some people do surprisingly well at jobs or living on their own. I almost hate to say it but if you decide to go through with this it will be somewhat of a gamble. So it depends on whether you want to gamble or not.


#3

Hi there~
My son did the same thing. He has a place of his own. He gets SSI and SSDI, a food card, and has medicare.
I give him a set amount of money every week. Another family member pays for his cell phone and computer. He is ok, but tends to be obnoxious most of the time.
I say your son can do it…and I would not put up with abuse!


#4

Thank you for your response, I’m worrying if he will expect my help from the distance after I leave, supplying with food, pay bills, money etc.


#5

You didn’t say if he was on SSI. You might want to try to get him on that, because you won’t be able to always support him. You should investigate those possibilities. I think it would help your son to learn to live on his own. He needs to learn how to treat people right.


#6

We have informed mental health centren in our country, they have helped us in his hospitalization several times , they also has shown the financial assistance that belongs to him, however my son have rejected this financial help, by saying that he isn’t sick and does not need assistance .


#7

Our 24-year-old son lives with us at home. He will not seek employment, stays up late and sleeps into the afternoon. He is sullen, irritable, humorless and ungrateful. We put up with this and support him financially because he would otherwise be homeless and/or in jail. However, I would not accept violence. In the domestic relations world, tolerating violence usually leads to more violence. If my son attacks me, he is out.

I recommend that you tell your son if he strikes you again, you will call the police.


#8

I stayed with my parents for a couple of years when I couldn’t look after myself. But it became clear that this situation was bad for everybody involved. My parents got stressed which made my symptoms worse. In the end I got my own place just round the corner. This has worked better for everyone.


#9

Sounds like he has behavioural issues more than anything. Don’t stand for the violence.


#10

I stayed with my dad when I was 28. He was a great father and provider and compassionate and understanding for the span of my illness but he couldn’t wait to get rid of me, lol. No one REALLY wants a 28 year old drug addict, who functions like a teenager, and is going through a relapse, to live with them. But he put me into a temporary Residential Treatment Home. i don’t blame him. He retired and wanted to live with his new wife (my step-mom) and do gardening. He didn’t exactly kick me out though my illegal drug use was a good enough reason if he would have wanted to use it. But he put me into a temporary Residential Treatment Home. And It wasn’t bad though I was going through hell at the time. But I survived there in one piece for 6 months.until I had to leave so the staff helped get me into a nice Board & Care home. I stayed there for FIVE years, from 1990-95. From there my sister INVITED me to rent a room in her condo. I was extremely successful while living in the Board & care home. In the 5 years I lived there I was only unemployed for a month. I also took two college classes at a time the entire time I stayed there. Not to mention 5 or 6 AA, CA, and NA meetings a week. The owner was fond of calling me his “Top Gun” in front of the rest of the guys who I wasn’t part of because I didn’t do drugs or drink. They tolerated me but didn’t really include me in their activities. The owner picked up on this and since I must have watched a video of “Top Gun” about twenty times, he started calling me that as often as he could to make me look good. Anyway, I have been living independently since 1995. I have moved about 5 times but now I have lived in a great studio apartment by myself since 2008.


#11

I did that several times through those 15 years carrying of him, I sad that I wil go if he hitt me, but he never understand this, sometimes he is quite and have a good attitude but another day he is completely another person very abusive verbally and in his angry he will hitt, before some years he usually hitts plate and glasses, but through those 3 years he is hitting the family members!
I really want to help my son but I need to be protected for myself first and will give him the help from distance, 2 km distance is not so far I’m thinking maybe I’m not right!!!


#12

in my town we don’t have enough support, we have a group home wich isn’t very managed, here we have we centre of mental health who in case of crises came and get my son to the hospital, also when he stop taking his medication they come to give him a depot injection once in three weeks, they don’t came to talk every week with him, the hospital let the patient to stay there only 14 days, complaining that they haven’t enough beds and it’s not necessary. The financial support from our government is 70 euro for month, that amount my son didn’t take yet, by hopping that he will work and don’t need that support.


#13

Well I got schiz at age 18
I’m now 42 and have lived alone for 15 years
My parents live near by
Maybe your son needs discipline maybe he needs to be alone for his own sake and for you


#14

How did your parents helpt you? Did they visit you every day? Make food for you? Pay or bills?


#15

Lucky enough they afford to buy me small flat
I see my mum every day for tea
She also talks with me on phone


#16

Where I’m living now we have enough space to build another house, witch would be very close with the house where we are living now, so is more better for me and my second son with his wife to build another home to close to my elder son, or to take an apartment 2 km far from him. Wich is more conformable?


#17

I’ve considered that option. Things that I took into consideration were the isolation my son would feel in a house out where I live. Since he doesn’t drive, it is preferable for him to live somewhere with things near enough to walk to. I ended up purchasing a small home (that had been a rental) in town, but near where I work. He is renting it from me, using his SSI money, and we call it ‘our’ house. I drop by every day. Apartment and condo living kept him too close to others who would be apt to feel nervous around him and make complaints, leading to eviction.