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My adult son has schizophrenia


#1

Hello,

I’m new to this site, and my adult son has Schizophrenia and is very often paranoid.

He recently moved out of the family home for reasons, I may share with you in future, I’m concerned about him because he has isolated himself from me and no longer wants to see me or communicate in any way. He does maintain a very close relationship with his mother. She travels out of town regularly to visit and support him. Hopefully she will also join this forum.

My reasons for joining the forum include a desire to share our story but most importantly to hear yours, and obtain guidance, support and help

Thanks,

Jer.


#2

Hi Jerry. Like you I am also new to this site and my adult son has severe schizophrenia, paranoid and severe ocd. Temp. he is living with me til he can get into community based supportive housing or it is decided he needs to go into hospital. This is such a demoralizing illness and isolation as you know doesn’t help. Does your son see a psychiatrist, and therapist on a regular basis? What medications seem to help him. I’m looking for medication that has helped others and that might help my son. Like you, I worry, But despite a grim picture, I remain hopeful.
I hope your situation has improved. Be glad to share. elaj


#3

How can I find the type of housing you mentioned? My 32 yr old sz son has lived in an apt that do not want him back & is now terrorizing the 4 tenants & landlord where he lives, I’m sure he’ll be asked to leave soon. He cannot live alone, but refuses to admit himself in a hospital. I have been reading a lot of stories/situations & everyone mentions their family member is living in assisted living or boarding home, etc. I want to know how the found one. Everywhere I call, there is no help because he doesn’t have insurance. You people do not know how fortunate you are because I come up with deadends. I can only dream about him living somewhere where he will get some help.


#4

I am also new here. My son was diagnosed this past Dec. with paranoid sz. Problem is he doesn’t think he’s sick and therefore, would not consider living in a group home. Hi lives with me but it has been so hard on me being a single parent. He attends the Early Psychosis Program in Halifax but only because it is a condition of his probation which is up in October. He did try to take meds, but the side effects are worse than the illness itself. I also dream about him living somewhere where he will get help but first he has to except he is sick. I would hope that his health care team would make arrangements regarding housing. Here, as far as I know, a sick loved one could go on social assistance and that is what would pay for his living in a group home, not insurance. I was manager of a community care home in NL that housed 18 mentally ill people and all but 2 received social assistance. Although I’m sure it differs depending on what province or state a person lives.


#5

In the US, most people who live in group homes seem to be on Medicaid and/or Medicare, have SSI and/or SSA and find out about the group home through a case manager or state agency…


#6

Does he have a Psychiatrist or SW? Though no insurance, he can get help through state. It takes much persistance to get him help, but please call you state department of mental health for help. And trust me, I know how frustrating this all can be . Especially difficult when he doesn’t want help or lacks ability to see that he needs help. Don’t give up.


#7

He did have psychiatrist at one time w/Cntr for Health Care Srvcs, but since he was in jail for last 6 mos, he was dropped. The way that worked, we sat for hrs to get to talk to someone (which is ok w/me, but not him), then we were told we can’t help because they have too many cases & it’s not priority. I insisted he needed help, then the case worker said since he was on parole, that was enough to set him up as a patient. He did well until he was arrested for parole violation, cussed out parole officer, destroyed gov’t property (trashed her office, broke her door). Thank you for your support.


#8

Hi Jerry, my son had a period where he never call D me and was generally hostile when I managed to get him on the phone but it is all over now. Our relationship is fine. Never give up. Eventually it will get better.


#9

Always good to hear, it seems like we might be moving into a rough patch again…


#10

I’d also like to know about meds that work. My son was just stated on depot Invega Sustaina. It is not exactly keepin him from psychosis but it might take another month. Don’t know, we just take it a day at a time.


#11

It’s individual, Mom2. My son didn’t get on with risperdal (too sedating), anti-depressants made him manic and psychotic but a fairly low dose of Abilify as a depot injection keeps him stable, in a good mood and able to study. He is also taking sarcosine as a supplement.


#12

Thank you for the offer to share,Its hard to talk about D’s story and how it has affected the family.
I don’t know where to start and what to reveal and it’s so hard for me to even sit here at my computer “thinking” about what to say without tearing up and getting so emotional. he makes an hour long trip by Go bus to see his Pdoc, in Toronto. He is currently on Seroquel (400 mg?) His next visit is on Friday and he has been attending with his Mother M., regularly and seems to have developed a good raport with his Pdoc. More to come, as I get the “hang” of sharing etc. thanks for the reply!


#13

Unfortunately every medication seems to work differently on different people. There are some relatively (past few years) DNA tests that can help identify the best medication for a given person. See info below:

This may be covered by insurance - check if this is relevant for your son or daughter.

Full list of antipsychotic medications is here:

Related discussions:

and


#14

Hatty: what do the doctors think about Sarcosines effectiveness?
Anyone: what can be done to help a person gain more insight into their condition


#15

Thank you, I’ve read about sarcosine He had the genetic testing and has tried many of the AP meds on the list. The only thing that has the red flag was clozaral


#16

Hi Jerry,

Welcome to this site; I find it helpful and I also have an adult son who struggles with his SZ disease. I think it’s smart that you’re hopful about the future of your wife joining in this interaction and sharing your story when it works for you.

My best advice:

  • Do you first. This is extremely stressful for a parent so your physical and mental health needs to be exceptionally strong to engage. Dig in to whatever floats your boat spiritually and with friends. Don’t isolate yourself.

  • Focus only on your marriage and what you will or will not accept with your son in setting limits about what you can or can not accept. Get on the same page as your wife. I’m still a work in progress in this department after 35+ years of marriage to the love of my life and our going through several marriage counselors who all expose tough love advice but we weren’t ready for it. Our son is an addict and mentally ill so double trouble and no fun.

  • Communicate your love and interest in listening to your son’s perspective in anyway you can get to him.

Pray, pray and pray… the rose will flower again. The book “A Road back from Schizophrenia” by Arnhild Lauveng is one that I just read that I found better than others.

Hugs to you and your family,

Amy


#17

AMY: Thank you for the wonderful advice. I will read the online book or buy it.

Your message was very powerful, thanks for taking the time to welcome me.

How do I find ways to communicate with my son who makes every effort to exclude me from his life - I am his enemy in his eyes, and he tells M., that he fears me.

Margi, is spending a long weekend with Darren and I know he loves her.

I don’t understand, that she doesn’t understand, that she is enabling him and supports him emotionally (which is fine) and financially, to the max.

I dread the time, if it comes, when she may not be able to be there for him. Previously he adored me and hated her, now its the other way around.

He really is a wonderful person and not responsible for his SZ. Margi, and I both blame ourselves for his condition, its so hard to “shake” this feeling.

We are hopeful that his symptoms will improve.

I give a lot of thought to how we could convince him that depot injections will help him. He is totally against the injections and his mom and his Pdoc are not recommending this. I suppose that while he is partially compliant with the meds regimen that is an accomplishment and a blessing

I would be happy to hear from ANYONE who would be willing to take the time to offer advice to us, God knows we can use all the help we can get!


#18

My sz adult son also says he hates me, and that is because I have finally decided not to pay his bills after doing so for a year, cuz he will not stop using drugs and drinking. He treats me the worst and I am the one who has helped him the most. His father (my ex) is unemployed, homeless, and doesn’t want to be bothered, well, my son loves him. It’s never fair, is it? I also get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.


#19

I hear this a lot also. The moms are the scapegoat and often the people that take it out on. I think it’s because they know we will always love them no matter what.


#20

Thanks for the reply Dreamer1, My son is clean and sober, wasn’t in his youth. I want so much to be a part of my sons life, it REALLY bothers me that I am not. Then from his perspective I can understand that for so many years he craved a relationship with me but that wasn’t happening to a satisfactory degree. While he couldn’t live in his own home, because of the “boogymen” and the neighbors he alienated, and he found living with me and my wife and son in Toronto safe, he finally couldnt stay in the same house and be in close proximity to me. You see I was responsible for having him apprehended (we downplayed Margi’s - his Mom - involvement in that process). when he became very psychotic. He was taken into police custody in our home at 3am, His bedroom door had to be kicked in, with my permission, Then Darren charged at the police (3) wailing his arms not believing they were police and they Tasered him grappled with him on the floor, called for backup - a total of seven police officers responded to cuff him,get him under control and onto a gurney and deliver him to the hospital of our choice. His younger brother and I were also involved in trying to talk him down and even take part in the restraint. A police dog and handler were on the street, as part of the backup.

So now you can see the seriousness of the last apprehension and the cause of Darren not wanting anything to do with me. I could not control the police while they restrained him. I will not at this time address the “use of force” required or not required.

The end result was a week in secure hospital custody. 2weeks at psyc ward, medication compliance, eventual discharge, return to my home then he moved back to his own home outside of Toronto. Now with support fro his Mom, who visits him every couple of weeks, I am very worried because of his isolation and lack of ANY friends.

He is renovating his home, and slowly making some progress, in his mood and behaior, thanks to his Pdoc and his Mom and our faith and hope.

Does anybody know how I could slowly improve our relationship? His insight into his condition is only very small. We need your help!