Can't go anywhere


#1

I have not been anywhere but work and home ,I have not seen my Bf for a month, we were making plans for the week end to see each other when my son said mom don’t leave me here alone…what now even if I went I would be so worried, My bf has been so good about it…he told me we will just stay at my house…dang…its taking its toll on every part of my life…I am so stressed


#2

Could you and your bf go for a walk, just to get out of the house for 15-30 minutes alone with each other? Maybe it’s just being alone at night that has your son worried. In case something happens then he won’t have anyone there to help him.


#3

I can go anywhere, but nobody sees me. They just see what they choose to see instead.


#4

That feeling must suck. I like to be out hunting. It’s like the opposite of can’t go nowhere.


#5

it does suck.and its making me resent him for asking so much of me…I know that sound hard but I have been thru hell for him and he just don’t realize what I am going thru…its just so sad for him and me…I feel like my life is over…I cant go with friends because he gets so stressed out about it, So I sit home only to be alone because he goes in his room,I used to go to the gym and lost 45 lbs and now its coming back due to eating that’s all I can do…


#6

yes we can,We were planning to go out for valentines because we were not together but now its staying home…I am just so unhappy right now…bummer


#7

that is sad , wish some one saw you and was there for you


#8

wish you could be hunting, that is a great sport


#9

I know there were times when I had a lot of trouble trying to understand why my son acted like my feelings or wishes were of no consequence. It was really hard not to resent him for asking for more of me. I did my best to separate his actions from that of schizophrenia or psychosis. It’s what the disease does to my son that I resent not my son himself. Seclusion happens to us caregivers as well. We may not have schizophrenia but our lives become it. It becomes a part of everything that we do or don’t do. I saw how my son’s last caregiver got taken over by it and even though my life is currently mostly about mental illness it is my choice. I think you may need to find some things that are yours, that make you happy, within the home. A hobby, home exercise equipment, yoga or meditation. Loss yourself in the pages of a good book. Take long baths. Something that says I am worth some attention too. I hope you feel better soon.


#10

I have been standing guard at the ready for a very long time in case something happened to my older brother. At first it was a bit different living with him. When he was in negative symptoms, he didn’t care if I came or went. He didn’t always seem to notice what happened around him. I would sort of tuck him into his room, tea, news paper, music, and then run the washing machine and dryer and go out then. He didn’t seem to care if I was gone or not, on the outside.

When he would swing into positive symptom, I wasn’t always allowed out. So I invited people over a bit. Not a lot of people, and not for hours and hours, but I made lunch for a few friends and just had a meal. I would also tell my big brother that I was going for a walk.

He hated it, and would get upset, but I went for 15 minutes to the market. We needed food. Then the next time I went out, I would go for 20. Hold at 20 for a bit, then 40 minutes. But I would NEVER say, “hey, I’ll be gone 20 minutes” and then be gone 40 minutes. That would cause such a panic. I only accidently did that once.

But I did work up to longer time out and I also had an SZ support group that gave me the strength to say; “You are older then me, you’re all grown up, you will be OK for 20 minutes. I will be right back.”

My big brother is very stable right now, but he is my older brother and he does get a bit parental. I love him for it. But it’s still hard to get out of the house sometimes.


#11

I really can’t tell when he is in a Negative state I think he stays in that…any way he set the alarm when I go to work,He does go out to visit a friend from time to time,Its just when I want to go do something he gets panicky…I feel like I am trapped,I spent 5 years taking care of my husband with AML till he passed and I take meds for PTSD because I was always on edge not know what the day would hold,it was work and home and now here I go again…


#12

i think that u have to bring some tough love into this situation. i have stayed with my parents when floridly psychotic and once it had calmed down a bit my mum told me how draining it was for her. i know they love me but i needed to accept that they needed time for them. to recharge to wind down, just to get out and b linda and mike and not mum and dad caregivers for a while. u have to put ur foot down and just bite the bullet. u don’t need to b harsh but u do need to b firm in ur needs and wants with ur son. if ur not happy then u can’t b a good caregiver and u deserve to b happy regardless of ur son’s paranoia. so put ur foot down and go out for the evening. go to the gym. he can set an alarm when u leave and u can text him when ur on ur way home. he has to learn that as he needs his life, u too need urs. good luck xxx


#13

Thanks, it’s just like now he seem child like he has this thing about me dying and he tells he over and over how much he loves me…But I will take your advise and try it…This helps a lot…thanks


#14

This has been a problem for me as well. My partner is suffering from psychoses. He’s always at home, doesn’t like to go out much and certainly never alone. He wants me to come home straight from work and gets stressed when I want to go out for some reason other than work. He doesn’t want me to be away, is afraid he will blow up with the children if I’m not there, and gets suspicious when I am away for whatever reason.
In the meantime, I have been longing for some time away from home, even just a few hours, but am reluctant to leave the children behind with their dad. The only solution so far has been to find someone to take the children for a few hours so I can go off with a friend or just read a book somewhere quiet.
However, my husband then feels everyone thinks he is a bad father. This is what I hate so much about this disease. Whatever I do or don’t do, the disease will make him fret about it. I feel like I am being pulled in different directions all the time.
If anyone has a brilliant idea, please share it.


#15

Welcome to the forum Safrana.

Below is part of a message I sent to another board member who deals with similar with her partner. Maybe it will help you.

“I’m lucky in that my son doesn’t deal with positive symptoms on a regular basis. His symptoms are usually triggered by marijuana and alcohol use so for the most part he is stable on his medications. I wish that I could give you some sound advise on how to deal with your partners paranoia about you being gone too long or cheating on him. I can only say that I don’t think anything that you do or don’t do will change him feeling the way that he does. Even if you never left the home or interacted with people on a physical basis then it could still turn into him questioning who you are texting with or emailing etc. Or fear that you are slipping out in the middle of the night. I know that doesn’t sound logical but it’s his paranoia fueling these thoughts. I read a line once in my research that goes something like this: Assume that reality is such that my mental state is justified. Logical or not he is feeling these things so strongly that for him it must be true. Regardless of how it is happening there must be something going on to make him feel this way. He can’t see that it is coming from within so logically an outside source must be causing it. Since you have kids I will use this metaphor. Your kid walks into the room and you think he has a guilty look on his face. He may or may not but something in your gut tells you that he is guilty of something. As a parent I usually trust my gut and keep an eye out for what he has to act guilty about. If you look hard enough you will probably find something even if he wasn’t feeling guilty about it in the first place. But in the end you have justified your own gut feelings that he was guilty of something. Your partner is trusting his own feelings which makes sense. Who wouldn’t? Just because they are being fueled by paranoia and internal self-doubt and insecurities they are still very real feelings. Paranoia doesn’t play a big part in our lives but when it does rear it’s ugly head I do my best to ignore. Nothing I say is going to make it go away. No amount of justifying my actions is going to fix it because I am not the one causing is. A long time ago I say someone post this and it’s called the 3 C’s: I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. So when my son starts getting negative I get calm and try to back off. I try not to respond to accusations or blame tactics. Of course he will voice them. You can try saying things like: I’m sorry that you feel that way. We needed milk. Then walk away. The responsibility of the feeling has been nicely put back on him. I know that it’s not as easy as all that. Especially when you have kids around. My son doesn’t always let it go and will keep coming at me with accusations. I don’t answer him or I will tell him that I am not going to take responsibility for his feelings. Sometimes I will fall into the trap and before I know it we are arguing over something ridiculous. Because I have taken the bait then it justifies him acting the way that he is. The more upset I get the more upset he can get. So I stop responding. Keep myself calm and ignore him if I need to. Then I will sometimes get how rude I am being for ignoring him. I try to ignore those accusations too.”


#16

well my son has gotten to the point that he keeps telling how much he loves me ,yesterday we went to the grocery store and he said in the store wheat would I do with out you mom,i said you will be fine with out me he has been having dreams that I have died and no one will care for him, his thought process is child like he said do I have a god parent and I told him that’s for children if something happened to the parent they would raise the child, you are 38…It just breaks my heart…before this happened he really was gone all the time and never spent any time with me as he should have as an adult and now he is like a child…


#17

I have wondered more than once if I have some sort of PTSD, stemming from what I have been through with my son. When he was really psychotic, stomping around the house in a threatening manner, destroying things, flying off the handle screaming at us, slamming doors so hard I don’t know how they didn’t come off their hinges, throwing things, all of this just scared me so much. Even though things have calmed down a bit, if I hear a door slam, heavy footsteps, loud voice, my blood runs cold and my heart feels like its going to beat out of my chest.


#18

Aww, that is so sad:( But the good thing is that he is expressing his love for you. I have said it before on this forum that my son has lost his sweetness like that. I really wish he could get it back, I keep hoping (sigh).


#19

My doctor is treating me for that because of my husbands illness and death it was like I was in a constant state of panic and now I have to deal with my sons illness ,my husband passed in 08 and my son got sick in 2011 so yes I have it and I have panic attacks at night just before I fall asleep it hits me and I have to turn on the tv and fall asleep like that, my life sucks and will continue to…


#20

well he just started this about 4 weeks ago he was emotionless for years,i don’t know what has changed but the added clostinine for his PTSD and things change…