Can't stop worrying about my son


#1

My son is 27 and has schizophrenia. He’s been feeling very stressed out lately by a recent move to another town with my ex and sons stepmom. However, his stress started a few months ago with texts to me and his uncle (my brother) about feeling “weird” or feeling “angry” My son never says why he feels angry or who he’s angry at. He has had a few delusions lately too. Delusions of me slapping him (of course I didn’t slap him, I love him, he is my son) and delusions of my husband slapping him too, which never happened. Now things have gotten worse, he texted me on Friday saying “Mom, right now slicing my wrists sounds better than a cup of coffee right now”. Dear Jesus! I immediately called his Father and let him know what happened in the text, so he could check on my son. I haven’t heard back from his father, but I know so far my son hasn’t done that to himself. But I am so worried about him! He is clearly having major problems, probably some of it is the move, but not all. And I know that if I call his Father, he will not listen to me or take it seriously.He will just say “Oh, it’s the move, nothing to worry about” Lord, I don’t know how to help my son right now. My son lives in NJ and I live in Ohio. What can I do to help him from here? If he tries to hurt himself? I know that I could call the NJ local police dept to do a “welfare” check on my son, but I am not sure if they have CIT trained officers or if that would even be more traumatic and scary for my son. Just so worried. It doesn’t help that his Father and I don’t speak to one another, or very, very rarely (bitter divorce, even though it’ s been years and years ago now). What can I do as a mom who loves her only son, my baby, to protect him from this? To save his life? His sanity or what’s left of it?


#2

Do you feel your ex can do enough to keep your son from harm? Your son is crying out for help with that statement, and if not enough is done to address this cry out, it might lead him to take it to the next level.
Text your son directly to see what is going on, and let him know that if necessary you will contact the local authorities to do whatever necessary to keep him well. That might give him enough concern to not try anything harmful. See if you can get him to promise he will contact you first if things get to be too much and he is seriously considering harming himself.
Don’t be afraid to follow through if you feel he might have harmed himself.
Keep the lines of communication open with your son without having to go through your ex (unless necessary).


#3

Perhaps first find out if they have CIT officers in his area so that you can have some peace of mind just in case you need to make that call. It is hard worrying about a loved one that is miles and miles away. I feel your pain on this.


#4

Thankyou so much! What I decided to do is two things… First I called their local police dept and spoke to an officer there. He let me know that I had the right number to call if there was any problem and they would do a “wellness” check on my son. Second I did ask him if they had any CIT officers there. He didn’t know what I meant! So I explained to him that it was an officer(s) that are trained to deal with mental illness issues. He said, "oh yeah, but here they are call CESS offficers. Hmmm…
Second, I did call sons father and talked with him a little about what happened and tried to talk about how son was doing. I also let him know that I called their local police just to get a number to call if there is a real imminent threat and I did let him know that I would also call his number at that time too.

I hope I never have to use it! :slight_smile: The police number…

I’m sure son is having a hard time dealing with a new home, new area, new program, new doctor, etc… Maybe time will help? We’ll see…


#5

Wow-good job! I hope your ex will team up with you on this. Keep us posted 00


#6

My son is the same age and recently diagnosed. He doesn’t just live in another state. He lives in another country! I sometimes worry hugely about him, but I call him, text him and email him directly. We regularly talk things through. I have email contact with the team that manages his care only. He is an adult. Part of recovery is learning to manage stressful situations and his own responses by himself. And self care. That’s the kind of thing we talk through on the phone. Your son is lucky. His father is taking care of him. I suggest that your role is to make sure he knows that you love him and want him around. That seems to be what he’s asking if he calls you and says such things.


#7

Thankyou Hatty! I do let him know very often how much I love him and how proud I am of him. I drive over there a couple times a year to pick him up and bring him back here to visit with me for a while. I text him, email him and call him often. I am so sorry that your son is so far away from you! I know you must worry about him a lot! Hugs to you!

We moms do whatever we can to show our children, adult or not, how much we love them.

He usually comes to visit for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. I wish it could be longer but he said that the program at the hospital he’s at said that if he tried to stay for, let’s say 5 weeks, then he would lose that program benefit. I can understand that.

But it stinks when he’s here and as a mom I would love if he could stay with me forever :)! I cherish the times we are together!


#8

Yes, it’s funny, isn’t? I am actually prouder and more admiring of my son now than I was when he was “normal”. The only thing is that I DID keep him with me until his late twenties, and now I think that didn’t really help. It delayed the diagnosis. He is actually making more determined steps to build a life since he left home, got stressed, got the positive symptoms (previously he had negative symptoms for years) and got treatment.


#9

That is so true as what happened to me is everyone started micromanaging me and overreacted at every little problem to the point it was ME who was walking on eggshells, afraid to speak and ended up going deeper and deeper into my own world trying to escape any attention.


#10

Wow-that gave me a heads up on my son! I think I must have annoyed him to death! I have to remind myself all the time to let C. handle things–unless he asks for help. i also forget that HE is in there, even if symptomatic, and knows what`s going on…Thanks


#11

My hubby tells me all the time to stop treating him like a child. I do try to remember to do that. It’s tough though because he is my youngest and only son. but hey, he’s 27 and I have to remember that! :smile:


#12

LOL! My son is 37!
Csummer::: thanks for that XO


#13

I wouldn’t mind being asked if I needed help so much, but my stock answer was always “no”…even if I desperately needed help I would turn it down. Once it got to that point I accepted the offer.


#14

Finding that balance between being an empathetic and loving caregiver and helping someone to grow up doesn’t seem to be an easy line to walk. I sometimes wonder if I would still be doing what I’m doing in 10+ years and even though I hope not, I think I would :laughing:

In case I haven’t said it yet. Welcome to the forum @Hatty. I have been enjoying reading your posts. Sometimes a new perspective is needed and I like your candor.

I’m liking this thread :smile:


#15

Thank you. I find this forum very helpful and very inspiring.