This Forum, tumblr and my writing.
I used to have a support group, but the negativity and hate made it hard to go. So, for now it’s this forum and the ocean.
A good source for ideas on dealing with caregiver stress:
Here is a short excerpt from the page:
Caregiver stress: Tips for taking care of yourself
Caring for a loved one strains even the most resilient people. If you’re a caregiver, take steps to preserve your own health and well-being.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
With an aging population and changes in health care, such as shorter hospital stays, more and more caregiving is being provided by people who aren’t health care professionals. A caregiver is anyone who provides help to another person in need, whether that’s an ill spouse or partner, a disabled child, or an aging relative. Indeed, more than 65 million Americans provide care to a loved one.
Caregiving is rewarding but stressful
If you’re a caregiver, you know that taking care of someone who needs your assistance can be very rewarding. Being there for your loved ones when they need you is a core value for many. But being a caregiver can exact a high toll, and caregiver stress is common.
Caregiver stress is the emotional and physical strain of caregiving. Individuals who experience the most caregiver stress are the most vulnerable to changes in their own health.
Many caregivers fall into the trap of believing that they have to do everything by themselves. Don’t make that mistake. Take advantage of the many resources and tools available to help you provide care for your loved one. Remember, if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to care for anyone else.
Unfortunately, I have no outside resources. His family is so far removed it isn’t funny. I can’t blame them he has manipulated them enough and is always crying wolf. I did get a homecare person for him that comes in three times a week but she soon quit feeling as if he had no respect and was malicious in his not picking up behind himself. So it’s back to the old drawing board ME! By the way the real estate that we are renting from just notified us that they will no longer be renting from him. Now I have given up my job and everything to take care of him and he tells his son that I have to go he wants to live by himself. lol. On day i will stop loving, feeling sorry for and put myself first
I know it can be hard to find a balance between taking care of yourself and a loved one. If you need a place to vent please feel free to message me either on here or by email. Sometimes it helps to just get those feelings out of you onto paper, so to speak.
Do you take baths? Anything that will give you a couple of minutes of alone time to just be for a minute. Lose yourself in the pages of a good book.
I try to take baths at night when things calm down. The last few days have been hard because now I am trying to find us a new apartment, the leasing agent doesn’t want to renew our lease because of the problems he has caused here. Continually calling the police claiming breakins, abuse and many other things which are untrue. When I refuse to do certain things he lies to police to manipulate me. It is going to be very hard to find a place he has burned his bridges in many of the towns around here. They know him well and really care to have no dealings with him whatsoever. Thanks Barbie I am just totally frustrated at this time. How do u luv someone and want to get away at the same time
I would say don’t be so hard on yourself for feeling like you want to get away. Feelings are not right or wrong. As a parent I accept that no matter how much I might love my son there are times when I need to be away from him. There is nothing wrong with that. I think I have more tolerance with my son because he is my son but there are times with my husband… As much as I love him I usually have more communication problems with him then I do with my son. Times when the little things he is doing are getting on my nerves. I blog, I tell him off in my head… Accept that I’m frustrated. Being frustrated doesn’t diminish your love for him.
Things got so bad the other day, I called in my minister to come over and talk to us. He totally respects our minister and will listen to him before me. Our finances have gotten out of hand because he won’t allow anyone else to handle the finances but himself. Well the car is being repossessed because he has fallen behind. The money is there he gets $3500 per month soc sec and veteran’s disability but has no concept of money. We just caught up on the rent it @ $1230 per month. He constantly buys things just to pawn them for cigarettes. He just pawned two flat screens for $100 per this month. His cigarette addiction is out of control he smokes 3 1/2 packs per day. So you see where the money goes. I am TIRED
Barbie, I have been offline for a while but you asked me if my fianances tie into his. Yes, they do, I have given up my apartment, job everything. He can’t handle the finances and refuses to allow anyone else to do them. Constant chaos and truthfully speaking him money is more than ample to support us. Everytime i obtain outside employment he finds a way to sabbotage it.
I usually walk but even that doesn’t seem to take away the stress of caring for my sz. son it’s getting to be overwhelming for me that I feel maybe he does need to be placed in a locked facility I don’t know what else to do?
he has been ill for 6 years now, he’s been on all the meds. for sz. he tried clozaril 2 years ago and it caused his wbc palettes to drop. now he has developed a movement disorder and moves all day long, it seems he is crying because of the movement disorder and feels like he’s crippled I’ve taken him to see neurologist, neuropsychiatrist and they don’t seem to know how to help him, it’s very frustrating to watch him all day and it’s frustrating that none of the doctors have a response. the only suggestion they make is e.c.t. or to lock him in a facility where he can have 24 hour care.
It’s hard. I try to take one day at a time.
No. None other than the forum. My son is with me all the time and I’m trying to get answers but I feel like my family doesn’t take this seriously,
I try very hard to keep my time spent with or doing something for my son balanced with time spent with my husband, time at work, time spent with friends, and time spent doing something I enjoy such as reading or knitting. It is easy to let it consume a large chunk of one’s life, and easy to cave into the felt guilt when saying no to someone who you know is ill.
My son lives in a residential care facility - it would be impossible for him to stay at home and also continue to work, and also maintain my marriage, and I feel it is very important that I keep my life in some balance in order to be able to help him long term.
Just today I missed half a day of work, to accompany him to start services at the community mental health services, and I am insisting that he engage with a case-manager. He wants to remain dependent on me, but I think it is to nobody’s benefit that he do so. Sometimes I feel like I am being harsh - he certainly accuses me of neglecting him! - but I know in reality that I do above and beyond for him, and am motivated to help him gain as much independence as he is capable of.
I do belong to NAMI, and it has been helpful, but sometimes I have to let that slide - I think it is more important to maintain my personal life and interests than to participate there now. I am however very vocal about what I am dealing with with friends and co-workers, and have found many allies when I tell them of my struggles - more people have mental illness in their personal lives than you may be aware of - speak up about your own struggles, and you will find them.
I like your thinking I’m in the same boat with with my son, anything he does frustrates me and I feel annoyed but he is very overwhelming he wants me to do things for him that when I’m tired I don’t feel like it but if I don’t take him out for a drive no one else will my husband doesn’t like to help me with him, when I take some days off and go out of town he does take care of him and does real good, but other than that he won;t budge I am at the point of burn out right now
I am frustruated at times and feel I harm my loved one more than help…not knowing how to address various situations such as lack of Emotion expressing on his side…apathy…lack of interest…losing Patience and worrying too much
i feel the same way as you lana and do not know how to handle various situations…Need advice badly…
I also feel frustruated, lost and do not know how to talk to my loved one at certain situations…lack of interest…losing Patience…lack of exp.
ressing Emotion on his part …very frustruating…worrying too much