Hi! First, thank you all for the support, I really appreciate it!!
My short story: older brother is in a psych ward right now. He’s been there for more than a month. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to harbour any ill feelings about us making him admit himself. But he really wants out. And he’s super much not ready. Like… at all. It seems like he still has some positive symptoms and pretty much all of the negative ones. He lacks any insight whatsoever and so restless he can’t endure us, family, visiting. The visit lasts 30 minutes and even that is too much for him. We can visit once every 2 weeks. Does he even miss us? I have no idea what’s in his head
Anyway haha I’m concerned about how much I CARE. Our family talks revolve now around his sz. My leisure time is taken up by reading sz forums, articles and so on. I’m trying to cut off on that and have put aside a book on sz. My sleep schedule is a mess. I have no energy. When I think about what my dream day is my mind goes b l a n k. I’m just tired. My parents (50+) don’t emotionally support me (I guess they’ve always lacked this ability, I’m not mad at them for that at all) but I do emotionally support them. So it’s my brother in the ward + my brother’s undefined future + regulating my parents emotions + mediating sometimes between them + being constantly on and reminding my Mum to call doctors in the ward. I feel like I’m parenting my parents for some reason… My Mum especially - she has weird outbursts sometimes, she’s super anxious. And it feels like Dad sees me as a therapist of some kind?? (Well, I do the empathetic listening thing with him haha)
My Mum and Dad handle lots of responsibilities themselves, they work and stuff. But it feels like I’m the therapist, the mediator. I’m (20+ F, middle child, only daughter) T I R E D
no money for therapy haha! all money go to my brother’s private ward
No money for your own therapy?
Try one of the free support groups through Nami.org or heypeers.com especially because you are supporting those around you .
Do this for you .
I care to much spending my free time reading up on sz.
I feel alllll of that .
Stay strong sis
“The visit lasts 30 minutes and even that is too much for him. We can visit once every 2 weeks. Does he even miss us? I have no idea what’s in his head”
I get this I have been through this quite a few times with my sibling. With him sometimes being happy I visit and other times not, almost seeming to be angry refused to see me several times.
But when I really put myself in his shoes I think I would feel the same way, when I think about it ,
it’s like if I’m sick and in pain I just want to be to myself and try to get through it .sometimes it makes it harder if the family is around.
I think for my sibling having to try to present in front of family when he really isn’t able to is very hard.
Another thing I noticed that happens is he starts to compare our lives why he is where he is and why am I where I am .
I hope you can get some brain breaks from the worry !
It’s not easy
This illness is very consuming for all of the family members and siblings have it hard in some cases, as a lot of the responsibilities can fall on them if they choose to be involved. In my SZ son’s case, his two older brother and his father have zero to do with him, and it has been this way for many years. His sister was very involved in the beginning, when he was diagnosed 10 years ago, she has since moved 1000 miles away and is not involved as much at all. She is now in her 30s and it was too much for her. Please try to remember that you deserve a life to, and you can not change your brothers illness. It is kind you are supportive of your family, but do try to keep time for fun things that you like to do. I have learned from experience that this awful disease can consume siblings as well as the parents. You do not have to be everyone’s therapist. Try to take breaks from thinking about all this everyday. You need to have your own life too. It is so hard tho, especially in the beginning of the illness. Take care
Another sibling here. Emotionally supporting your parents is a pretty big burden, on top of coping with your brother and his illness.
I wish I had the perfect words to give you here.
I’m in my 50s now, and my brother is fairly well managed, on meds, a decent person to be with–more than decent I would say; he exemplifies the school of hard knocks and how to survive it–which isn’t everybody’s experience, I know. Keep open the possibility that while things are hard, you and your family may come up with some good steps and be able to navigate what’s going on with some success. Your sleeplessness might be helped if you realize there is no one perfect solution right now, just some trial and error to be gotten through. Your brother is dealing with the illness, so don’t let your stress be higher than his.
Easy to type, I know. Hang in there.
Sending you my best thoughts. Hope you’re doing better since you posted. I’m tired, too.