Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

So tired with caring and handelling delusions and depression

The worry I have, having a son with resistant schizophrenia. Our local psychiatrist said he has the worst case they have seen in a 25 year old.

This week I’m wondering how long I can keep going I am so tired and feel I could be closer to a break down knowing this is going to be forever, I’m not sure if I can do it. My son lives on his own and I think it might be time for him to go into supported accomodate??? Just wanted to have a little vent. Thank you for listening:)

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Hi Jaxy,

Do you have a support system for yourself? Is there anyone besides the psychiatrist you can talk with? I’m not sure where you are living, but do you have access to counseling or NAMI? I am in a remote area and not close to any counseling or NAMI and this forum has helped me a lot simply by going through and reading what others are dealing with. If you ask more specific questions on this forum, there are probably others who will know what you are talking about and might have suggestions.

Be kind to yourself and allow others to help you. You are not alone!

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Totally agree with @LifeIsHard
Every support system needs a support system. Family and friends who you are close with are a major resource for maintaining your resillience and your emotional reservoir.

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Thank you for answering x
I think the overall answer to my problem is that my son needs independence which I am trying to put supports in place to try and build his independence. So I’m hoping that I will have a bit of life eventually. If not I am thinking he may need to live in supported accommodation.
I am in Australia where we have got really good healthcare so I am very grateful.
I’m tired of watching the struggle and I am the only family or friend my son has, as probably the same situation for most of us that have an adult child with schizophrenia are in.

I am trying to get self care but can’t seem to fit it in even though it is what is needed. Schizophrenia has consumed my life because of the dire needs. It’s a matter of organising a few things to break away. I have been lucky enough in Australia to get support workers to spend time with my son so I get a break. Even with that support I don’t think I’ve got much further in my son gaining independence.
I’m just tired and find it difficult to get a break.

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Don’t give up… Have you seen your doctor? Mine has helped me tremendously. She’s there for me if I’m needing anything.

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@Jaxy , I feel there is nothing wrong if you want to find supported living for your son. In fact, I think it might be a good idea. Especially if you, yourself, are now struggling to maintain a satisfactory life for yourself. Here in America, supported living is not an option for me. I searched, but found none in Florida.
If I’d found a supported living arrangement I could have gotten my daughter into, I would have done it. (She is 35 and ill for 3 years now, with partial sanity on meds the last 3 months only.) She is still not capable of being independent.

This illness requires more than one person, in my opinion, to provide care and solve the problem. If the person is med resistant, it definitely is more than one person can handle for very long. I was pulling my hair out and sinking into depression myself for the unsolvable situation I was in, until my daughter got herself arrested, the jail sent her to a psych hospital, and they force medicated her with a 30 day shot that is working, with a court order for her to continue meds. So far 3 months of peace. However, if the meds fail or she fails to continue taking them, I have no option for long term care and I will again fall into hopelessness as there seems to be no other solution.

Do what you have to do to care for yourself, and secondarily to try to give your son a life. However, I feel you should not risk your own health or happiness to try and save your son’s chance for independence. His independence may never occur.

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@oldladyblue thank you so much for the great advice. It is very encouraging. I am looking at the options for shared living and lucky to have some help from people who are looking into it with me.

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@gijane no I won’t give up. I experience burnout often but I seem to find away to pull back for a while then pick up where I left off. There are mountains to climb in going forward with living successfully with schizophrenia. I have huge determination to improve our life. Thank you for your encouragement.

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@wreklus you are right, I do need a support system but I don’t have one personality for me at the moment. I seem to get through even though it floggs me often. it is a journey of strength and weakness where I battle onward. I think what I need if I don’t have support services is finding time for my own health and well-being and since I have found a mentoring group that takes my son out 4 days a week, it now allows me time to look after myself. So I found support in that way.
Thank you, it has been great to talk it through with you.

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@LifeIsHard thank you for your caring words and advice on how to ask for help on the forum. I really appreciate the time taken by you to help with my post. If you read further in the forum, it shows that I was able to be talked through by everyone here. We don’t have NAMI in Australia but we have support groups I can turn to if I really need to but because I have been dealing with living with a loved one with schizophrenia for a while now I guess I tend to roll on with the punches which at times does knock me down and I wonder if I can get up again. Thinking about it now I probably need a safety net for those times. Maybe someone I can let know that I am in that state of feeling at a dead end, someone who I can ask now if they will be that person when I need them during those times, to make sure that I am ok. THANK YOU

This forum is pretty much my support system beyond a few friends and my immediate family… no support groups nearby… nearest one is 90 minutes away and they meet at same time my daughter meets with her therapist…

at least you are taking some time for yourself… that is important too.

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@Windyhill63 Yes this group has been wonderful to turn to for advice and support. I find too that my schedule is booked for my sons appointments and there isn’t any time for other things like support groups. To be honest I have found the groups are beneficial for the reason to get out to socialise but find the groups tiring when I don’t have the energy for what’s going on for them. Something I have learnt from my son who has schizophrenia is that he said, it is better to try and get your life by getting in with the normal and not always with the people associated with mental illness. Well it wasn’t in those exact words but the exact meaning.

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Work… and church pretty much does that for me… although I am a pretty much an introvert who often feels uncomfortable talking face to face… although I am trying to go beyond my comfort zone with this more often.

Caring for loved ones affects so much of your life… it is easy to feel burned out.

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Hi Jaxy. We’re all here for mostly the same reasons. My heart is with you.
Can I be as forward to say (for other readers), find another psychiatrist.
There’s no reason any qualified professional, especially in mental health, should be saying that to you. Mostly for legal reasons. But of corse there’s just poor ‘bedside’ manner. Also incompetence or lack of experience.
(I understand this is an older thread. I sincerely hope things in the past year have/are working great for you. There was good motivation and focus there with sound ideas to move forward. Sorry you had to come back. Hope things are well…)

Thank you for getting in touch again
Amazing how so much can change.
My first post here there was a line where I had mentioned the psychiatrist comment that my son had a severe case. She was really a brilliant doctor, she did so much to help my son. Since then he has got stable housing which is a government owned house where rent is good and he can live there for life in a great location with lovely neighbors. Stable housing really makes a difference. He also has a mentor that takes him to play golf, which now my son has got an interest. He has a full week now of social support. We are very fortunate in Australia if you are able to access the NDIS effectively. Before all of that I thought he would be amongst the others who go through the revolving door of hospital or perhaps not be alive. Sending love :two_hearts:

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So great to hear such an awesome success story!! Excellent!

@jaxy…you need to get yourself some R&R…sz is very drainging

Getting my life back is my priority. I have accomplished doing that for my son, now it’s my turn. I have a psychologist who understands schizophrenia well assisting me with strategies in how to deal with some of the behaviours and how I can move forward from schizophrenia consuming my life.

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