Yes, that is true, totally true. This is the fact that I can finally accept: I have come to terms with the fact that I am doing the absolute best I can to help her, and the rest is out of my hands (faith, luck, karma, God’s will, a roll of the dice…, etc.). I finally feel (after 2 years) that I can live with myself, that I didn’t cause her psychosis, … that I am doing the best I can.
I accept that there are only moments, or at best a few hours, each week when she and I share good times. But, she is disabled now, and cannot see it in herself (anosognosia).
I am pulling myself out of the “guilt” hole I dug myself into and am starting to become happy again. It was not my fault, and it is not my fault now that I cannot afford better support. I am doing the best I can, day by day.
Hope, you have given me hope. To every other caregiver, you have my respect and wish for a bettering of your situation tomorrow and every day thereafter. Be kind to yourself.