Yes, that is true, totally true. This is the fact that I can finally accept: I have come to terms with the fact that I am doing the absolute best I can to help her, and the rest is out of my hands (faith, luck, karma, God’s will, a roll of the dice…, etc.). I finally feel (after 2 years) that I can live with myself, that I didn’t cause her psychosis, … that I am doing the best I can.
I accept that there are only moments, or at best a few hours, each week when she and I share good times. But, she is disabled now, and cannot see it in herself (anosognosia).
I am pulling myself out of the “guilt” hole I dug myself into and am starting to become happy again. It was not my fault, and it is not my fault now that I cannot afford better support. I am doing the best I can, day by day.
Hope, you have given me hope. To every other caregiver, you have my respect and wish for a bettering of your situation tomorrow and every day thereafter. Be kind to yourself.
It just doesn’t seem like much to ask for in our situations.
So very glad your son is responding to meds. We all have such long rows to hoe to help our family members. Sometimes the sun gets a little intense and we need some water - doesn’t even have to be cold water, just some water.
To finish the analogy, we have to find shade and go sit in the shade occasionally and not feel bad about doing it.
@hope I meant to say - This is my absolute favorite quote of yours. I forgot the favorite part. Yes good to remember to sit in the shade. After visiting the hospital last night my BF and I walked around the park a bit. He is helping me try not to go down the road of doom and gloom. For now, I have to just know that my son is on a shot (yay! - invega) and that he will stay at the hospital through the weekend.
@DianeR - so glad you get to spend some time in retrospect with your boyfriend. It can be difficult to find some thinking time, family with scz take up a lot of everything.
I share your “yay” what a victory it is right now!! It seems rather miraculous.