I’m feeling sad tonight. This mental illness my son has is sad, seems I’ll never feel truly happy again. He’s now 33 and still doing nothing. He just wanders around the house. He comes alive a few short moments most days but then back to being flat and has no interest in anything. I can’t be responsible for his happiness, as much as I wish I could wash away this schizophrenia, this robber of my son’s life. It’s been seven years since he was diagnosed.
I am sorry you feel down. Yes, this mental illness is a robber of your son’s life. I hope that you can find something to make you feel better tonight.
Hey Daquila. Not sure if it helps but… my sz partner enjoyed simple games. Whenever I had an opportunity and saw him slipping into a ‘dark’ place, I’d try and refocus and stimulate him by dropping a game in front of him and asking if he’d play with me. We’d play simple dice games, or card games… often he’d grumble and pass it off or yell, so I’d start playing by myself and play it out loud calling numbers or cards or moves (cribbage was a good one to get him to peak up just to see what was happening on the board)
It’s just something engaging, non-judgmental but focused enough to get him away from what he’s experiencing inside himself. For just a little while…
I sometimes will also go out and walk by myself. Find a quiet route. Just me. I think the minimal exercise and fresh air helps me. Remind myself to look around me, or up at the sky… be safe. Know you’re not alone.
It is hard. Is there any way your son could get a studio or small apartment close to you so that you do not have to endure this daily agony? Just try to live your life in spite of all this. My son is 24, no treatment, he is homeless 2000 miles away and in psychosis. But for a time I went through what you are talking about.
Thank you all for responding. I think this virus is part of the problem for me, too, as if our lives aren’t full of land mines enough as we try to navigate this strange world of severe mental illness, now feeling truly unsafe. I am addressing the three above posters using my iPhone which is not easy as I can’t seem to understand how to see what has been written without risking losing my post altogether.
My son actually doesn’t live with me. He lives in the nearby town and I’m in a rural area with my husband. It’s only about a 15 minute drive away and I go to see him there at his house. My ex husband and I are on friendly terms. I have this to be thankful for, that my son isn’t homeless and he receives SSDI and Medicare. It’s the loneliness and isolating nature of this illness that really pulls at my heartstrings for him but he’s so socially strange is the way I describe it. I know it’s a core feature. I know there is no cure. He’s really still a good person, has always been well liked but of course his friends have all moved on. He said to me one day that “Everyone has given up on me.” It was so heartbreaking to hear him say those words. He rarely gives me any clue about how he’s feeling.
Again, thank you to you who have responded. This forum has always been the place I come back to even when I’ve been away for a while.
Totally understand what you are going through
@daquilamarguerite1 our life is a mirror image of yours… I feels sad and helpless for you as well, it’s such a hard and difficult life our kids are living, no friends it’s just cruel.
You are not alone in what you feel. Many of us have someone who has been lost to schizophrenia in some way.
The hard truth is sometimes the schizophrenia does win. How we decide to move forward is up to us.
Self guilt over something we can’t control needs to be released, so we should give ourselves a break.
You can pour your heart and soul into a person with schizophrenia for years and years, but like a person in coma, there are likely never going to wake up.
Give you self a break from feeling guilty.
Your visits are better than doing nothing, but at the same time visits can be for you exhausting.
Your mental heath is important too.
Take time and reset; exercise; do things to make your feel better so you can be there for your son.
Reading your concerns with your son is identical with my son. When I read it, it was just as I would write it. Except he is 35 years old. As I am writing this, we found he disappeared in the middle of the night after living with us for over a year.
My thoughts and peace from my house to yours. It’s is a never ending circle.
It is very cruel for sure. I just can’t imagine how he feels. I try and try. Parents just want their kids to be happy.
Oh I hope you find your son!
I had a sad day recently myself. I sometimes muster up glimmers of hope, but am mostly doing well to accept my son for who he is now, and provide nudges when I see an opportunity. Mostly I become weary when I think of the need to provide support the rest of my life.
So true @Vallpen… it’s certainly not the life we had hoped for, both for our loved ones and us.
I never thought about it this way.
I feel everything you are feeling. Just knowing someone else is there who knows and understands the hardship and heartache that comes along with this diagnosis, for those with schizophrenia and their loved ones is somewhat comforting. I often think of this quote (not sure where I saw/heard it first) when I think about my son’s future, my future. “A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child.” Knowing the isolation that goes hand in hand with having schizophrenia and the disappointment and frustration people who have this terrible disease feel due to lost jobs, failed attempts at school, loss of friends who have moved on, not being able to fully experience the joy of living, etc. etc. knowing all that, knowing all the challenges my beautiful 24 year old son faces in life, I often think I will never be happy again. But then I try to remember to have hope - that maybe one day a medicine will be created that will help alleviate some (or maybe all!) of the negative symptoms, the truly debilitating aspects of schizophrenia. I know scientists are working on it as I write this. In the meantime we can do the best we can to support each other - no one, not any of my friends or family members have any idea what this diagnosis really means for indiviuals and their loved ones. Most of them don’t even ask about how my son is doing anymore. That is heart-breaking in and of itself. Support is one thing that we as loved ones and care givers need more than almost anything, but it is so hard to find…
Having said that, if you would like to stay in touch you can find me on Facebook and Messenger (search for Carroll Carr-James Virginia) or on Instagram #carrollcarrjames. I hope to hear from you. Like I said, just knowing there is someone out there who gets what you are going through helps… some, at least. Sending love and positive vibes to you and your family.
SZ is an ever changing state. My 27 year old son was diagnosed 6 years ago and has been on several different medications with not much affect although he does go off them when noone knows. A couple of months ago his dosage was increased in the morning which has caused him to doze and play video games for the day. He gets up and goes out for a walk, sits with us to have dinner and watch the evening news and then back to his room. Occasionally he goes out to be with a friend but he seems to like the comfort and routine of home. His hallucinations and voices are reduced. This may not sound like an interesting life to those without SZ but it is way better than what we all have been living for the past 8 years. The coming and going, manic states, hospitalizations, living who knows where was unbearable for us. We are working to find a living situation with like minded adults. As I said earlier SZ like life doesn’t stay the same for very long but hope for a better day has to keep us going as parents/caregivers.
All of the posts here touch my heart. I know exactly how you feel. I live with my 25 year old son who is only the shell of the person I once knew. I long for him to return but as time goes on I fear it is less and less likely. Although med compliant he literally talks to himself all day. The onus is on me to just get him out for a walk. I’m exhausted. I can’t say I enjoy my own life anymore due to the never ending battle. But as a parent, I just keep going. I am sad much of the time. I try to stay hopeful that one day things will get better. Stay strong and reach out often. You are not alone!!!
I give this advise to everyone too but the last two weeks are eating me alive with pain and reality and im in the exact same boat as daquilamarguerite1 and i feel her pain as its my pain . i know i need to snap out of it and im trying so hard . This site is a saviour for me just knowing others really but really understand what we go through .
I’ve been so sad lately…closing on the house and have to drive back to the east coast first of week. The stress and change of all of it caused my son to go into a psychotic outbreak right in from of me. I went to call police but he left before I could get the call in…came back several days later calm…we must be out of the house in 72 hours and very concerned what is ahead of me.
So tough ! My thoughts are with you , i pray he will stay calm on your move
I feel the same way, today I cried and I said " why can’t I have his illness and let him live his life ". My heart breaks each day, I feel so sad. I guess everyone is different with this illness there are some that could function somewhat and then there are those that just can’t. My son is 30, the medications he is on makes him tired. He sleeps a lot. Like your son he may come out for short times and then goes back to just not even talking. He will play his playstation for a bit but then stops playing. He paces back and forth, when he is awake. My other two son will invite us to go eat at their house he doesn’t want to go. I know he doesn’t want to go out and is part of the zc . I feel so sad, i see him laying on the sofa, because now he won’t sleep in his room and it just hurts so bad. He has no friends, no life, he will never have a girlfriend or any kind of happiness. He use to have a life, but not anymore. I have tried to get him to go out or play a game and I can’t seem to get him to do anything. I watch TV for maybe an hour with him, a show he likes, but he looses focus. I am so angry when it comes to this illness. These medications they take the side sffects are horible. How do we get them to have a life? My son is taking vitamins, but he definitely needs something for energy, because the medications are making him to tired. My son is also so good, people adore him, But this is not the life we envision for them. He lives with me and is just him and I. He has two brothers that come to see him and to take him out, but nope there is no way he will go. This illness is a monster it steals everything from them, their brain, their life’s and more. I felt just like you today so very sad. I pray you feel better and others in our situation.