Curious if I'm the only one that feels this sometimes


#1

I’m hoping that I don’t open up a big can of worms here but I’m not one to not try and find out anyways.

As a family member or caregiver do you sometimes feels like you are in the wrong for being normal? Keep in mind I don’t believe in normal but for lack of a better word. It’s just that I honestly do cringe when I see the word “normie” like it automatically puts someone without a mental illness in the category of being selfish, un-empathetic, judgmental, uncaring and like they have an easy life with no cares in the world. Ok so I am going to open that can. I sometimes feel like being categorized as normie is not so different then being categorized as schizo. It comes with it’s own form of prejudice or preconceived opinions. That because a normies goals are different that they are not worth the same amount of consideration. Like there is this invisible line drawn in the sand with me on one side and my son on the other. I want to erase that line because we are both here side by side, together.

In the past I have had my son tell me that he doesn’t want to be normal. Neither do I. Normal does not exist. I find it difficult because the very things that he does not want to be or do are the same things that are supporting him. I find it frustrating. My husband basically supports us so that my son and I can stay at home. Without normies in his life, where would he be? I know that is not the case with everyone so please understand that this is just my frustrations with my situation.

Why can’t we just do what we think is important to us without it being justified as normal or being better then. This world requires all of us. I guess to sum it up. I am not diagnosed with a mental illness but I am not normal because there is no such thing. I’m a person like anyone else with goals and feelings and just because they are different it doesn’t mean they are any less important.

My apologies in advance if I am offending anyone, it’s just really been bothering me lately.


#2

I too want to erase that line and erase the “normie” hate. I know I use that word too much. I was doing well with kicking it down, but it’s been creeping back in. Sorry about that. I hate the word Schizo… I completely understand how the word Normie could hit the brain. (most likely tastes like bitter orange peel mixed with mustard.)

I am just too dang happy to even be alive and have become very grateful for WHOEVER helped me get here, (SZ, non-SZ, half SZ, etc…) :wink:

Everyone knows where I’d be if my non-SZ sister and my Non-Sz parents wasn’t in my life… I’d be 6 foot under and not posting here.

I also HATE it when people say… “Well, they are not SZ so they wouldn’t understand.” I just want to say… “are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what I’ve pulled them through in this life?” They have faced some good, some bad, some ugly and some even uglier then that. I think they all understand pretty damn well. I know my sis gets sad when she’s cast aside or treated as less due to not being a full member of the club. When she was a little child she WANTED Sz so she’d get some attention too. :frowning:

The new thing I’ve been seeing this idea that one mental illness is more important or more justified then others. I just don’t understand that new line in the sand either … I meet a lot of people who want to advocate for better treatment of mental illness, but then when I mention autism, OCD or ADD or PTSD I’m told by some of the people in my SZ group … Well, that’s not “Real” mental illness… (???) What??? Suffering is suffering right?

I’ve had too much coffee and my brain is racing a bit so I have an odd idea floating around…
Now that my youngest brother is going to be starting his 12 steps, I’ve been re-reading some of my past AA journals and I’m also beginning to see it as sort of an evolution of recovery.

Some of us with a new SZ label are just now reaching out. Do you remember that part of recovery or AA of “sitting on the pitty pot”? I’m sort of thinking after re-reading my AA stuff and comparing it to my CBT stuff… I’m wondering if (in my SZ fractured mind) if it’s like a 12 step for SZ. There are stages we all have to go through and “normie resentment” is one of them. The better we get, that resentment fades.
Just an odd idea that hit me…

this in no way makes it OK. I am on the other side of that line I admit I don’t understand why some people think the way they do… Sometimes I don’t understand why SZ people think they way they do. Or why I think the way I do.

But as one who is SZ, and might not get it… I hope am getting an accurate picture of the hurt and frustration you feel. Sorry for that… I bet that quiet disappointment in your eyes would match that of my sisters when she is cast aside for “having no idea” I’m sorry for that. If you ever see me not kicking the non-sz intolerance out… call me on it OK? Sometimes I get in an ugly mind and I even resent the sun.

Thank you for your continued support. I sort of hope this conversation keeps going. I’d like to see what others say as well…
(you never know until after this post, how dang long it is… sorry.)


#3

I applaud you for bringing up this topic! And for pointing out the fact that most of us would not be functioning without the help of “normies,” like psychiatrists, therapists, and friends and family.

Like I said before, my dearest friends are not ill in any way, and have seemingly normal lives. But they’re very educated and empathetic about mental illness. Without their support, I’d be locked up in a hospital somewhere, or probably be homeless right now.

Thank you for your many contributions to this community! Keep on posting and sharing your wonderful perspective!

Blessings,

Anthony


#4

I think you got it :smile: Mental illness does include autism (Edit: there seems to be a debate on this) etc. One is not worse or better then the other. They all cause undue suffering.

I remember first going to NA and AA and how there was this invisible line between being a drug addict or an alcoholic. Addiction is addiction regardless of what form it takes and the end result is the same.

You are right. Recover is recovery. Regardless of what you are recovering from there comes a time when certain things that used to be important fade away. Things like resentment and blame. They do no one any good.

I’m curious too…


#5

I wonder as we all get better if your next book could be “the SZ 12 step” :books:

I could get behind that… Just some phases that we all go through no matter what…


#6

Thank you Anthony. I appreciate the support :wink:


#7

Did you mean my next book or book in general?


#8

The next book you write.

I think you would be in a good spot to compare your personal 12 steps to how your son is recovering and the stages you’ve seen in common to your own journey. If that makes any sense.


#9

I didn’t actually do the 12 steps at least not to write them out. I’m aware of them and have tried to follow them. Still have the NA workbook. I guess doing them wouldn’t be such a bad idea and seeing if I can draw some parallels. Now you have me thinking…

I guess I should finish the first book. Started the last chapter in November and having gotten back to it but that book will probably be ongoing as my journey with my son will never be complete.


#10

I don’t see much of a difference with people who are “normal” versus people who are schizophrenic, except that people who are schizophrenic have internal demons to wrestle with. I appreciate people who are normal who are not judgmental. And I agree that there really isn’t any such thing as normal. Everybody is unique. Everybody has their own weaknesses and demons to wrestle with, but schizophrenics do usually have a tougher time of it. Sometimes it’s the “normal” people who draw a line in the sand. I went to a new therapist and confessed to her that I struggle with violent intrusive thoughts, and she said to me, “That’s not normal!” That made me feel really bad for a while. As if she’s the normal one, and I’m the abnormal one. That definitely wasn’t a healing thing to say.


#11

Finally finished chapter 12 and uploaded it to my tumblr page.


#12

I think not anyone around me are bothered in this way.

I feel that I am just like everyone when I am around people who doesn’t know about my disorder. I still feel quite normal when I am around my parents. But with my siblings and friends who know about my diagnosis, I often have the experiences of automatically downgraded to some kind of sub-creatures that “you have a lot of problems inside and we are not the same” and “I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

There are actually many health problems in this world. Being non-sz is of course not a problem, unless when you are interacting with someone who has sz and feel troubled.