I had asked this question earlier but didn’t get a response… so here goes again;
This would some time after she graduates from high school this June. Part of her plan on getting her driver’s license and a job…
I believe the apartment is owned by her friend’s uncle…
There are some factors I would like to add here…
We live in a small town a hour from the city we work in… Binghamton, NY… my wife is a teacher at a private Christian school and my girls are going to this school as well… so we are doing a lot of commuting together each day… we are hoping to move closer…
My daughter’s friend lives in Binghamton, so I don’t think this can considered until we can move, so we could be close by if she needs us.
This is a tough question, but easier to answer with your additional information. Your daughter’s diagnosis and start of treatment is so new that I, personally, would hesitate recommending she move out so soon. I realize she probably feels so much better and empowered now that the idea of living on her own is attractive. The distance is worrisome in my viewpoint. Also, how long has her friend been stable? What is her friend’s history with being able to handle crises? Has there been any input on this idea from your daughter’s doctor? I would encourage your daughter to take it slowly and adjust to her medication in a secure environment that she is familiar with. Getting a driver’s license and job will be stress enough for a while and adding all the complications of a new home will be a lot.
When you move might be a better time for her to do this so that it will be easier for her to get help from you if she needs. Perhaps you can convince her of this as well? It is great that she is so positive about her future.
I tend to agree with what you said… the apartment is just one of many ideas of what she wants to do after graduation… She has so many different ideas that she doesn’t know which one she wants. I think her interest of an apartment is connected to her desire for a dog or cat… something I already mentioned we are considering getting her… but with so much uncertainty about moving… we have some work to do on the house before we can put it on the market… (I am NOT a handyman… more of a UNhandy man)… and the realtor we have always used in the past is a close friend of the family and has passed away a couple of years ago… if we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed… how much more my daughter is… it is so easy to worry about so much at the same time… My wife is a a natural worrier…we just need to focus on one thing at a time…
Its so wonderful that she has a friend that is such a positive influence. The doctor and therapist’s input is important. I know from my experience, my son’s doctor and the therapist advised me to allow my son his goal of living away from us and working part-part-time within set limitations.
The idea of moving out is a good sign (a desire for independence), however, there are so many facets to her own apartment: paying for it, furnishing it, sharing life with a roommate, transportation. There are huge problems associated with moving out. None of my adult kids could afford to stay on their own and bounced back home a minimum of 2 times each. None of them had ANY idea how much money their own apartment would cost. It was very traumatic each time it failed. My ill daughter has no desire for an apartment: the stress she knows, from pre-illness, and she wants no part of trying to be independent unless we “win the lottery” (yes, we buy some tickets weekly).