My daughter is out of the hospital and in a group home. She called me last night asking me to buy her cigarettes and I basically told her - no I will not buy you cigarettes…please do not call me… I love you and now is a good opportunity for you to focus on your health. I’m not going help you because when I help you I’m actually hurting you.
It was a very brief conversation and for me very painful, but I am so relieved that she is not on the streets and safe in a group home where she belongs.
That’s good, I’m really glad that’s she safe somewhere she can potentially get better and move forward with life so that she can be more “together.”
I’m glad she’s there too and you really are supporting her health by not buying her cigarettes.
All best to you.
Glad shes safe. Take some time for you.
How did you get her in a group home? I am new in this and am needing some help bad with my daughter.
Good for you for setting the boundaries
It’s been a very long journey and I could no longer have her live in my home and living alone for my daughter is not a good option. She needs support living. I’ve been at it for long time – 14 years since she was first diagnosed and about 18 years since I first noticed something was wrong. Honestly I don’t know how it happened except that the police were called numerous times to my house – most of the calls to the police were from her and she telling the police that she needed to go to the hospital – so I had a lot of documentation. Also I came to a point where I did not want her in my. home. I’m raising her two small children - 5 & 9 and then with her there it seemed like I was taking care of five two year olds. It became an impossible situation. So the last time she called the police I told them please do not bring her back because she will call you folks every month and its costing tax payers at least $20,000 a month.
The honest truth is I got lucky and desperate and the police saw that in me because each month they came they were the same police officers. The police officers were also kind and compassionate towards my daughter.
My daughter was diagnosed in 2014 with schizophrenia,but she was diagnosed with bipolar I, bipolar II and a personality disorder several years prior to that 
I think I have been dealing with this now for a total of about 9 years. She does live with me, I am her sole caregiver and I have one other child, a son, who is older than her. She has been in and out of the hospitals in our area over the past 2-3 years so many times I have stopped counting. All they do is change her medicine. They never keep her longer than 7-8 days. She is NEVER any better EVER. The talking to “somebody” NEVER" stops. She is happy, bubbly then next minute, she is cussing me out! They should keep her longer than 7-8 days!! They should make sure the medicine is working? I am trying to get her in somewhere to get her medicine really worked out. I have just about had it. My biggest problem I have to deal with is that not only does she have this she also has had a heart issue (4 heart surgeries since age 13 due to SVT) and had to have a pacemaker put in 2009. SO…regular rehabilitation places won’t take her due to her health issues???
I don’t know if it is called the same in very state, but in my state, there are different levels of service. My son was for a time in what here is called a ‘Level 2 Facility’. State or county mental health performed an evaluation on request, and it was decided he qualified for a Level 2 facility. It was a locked unit and had a nurse on site 24 hours a day. They had people on the unit, and also on other units, who required not just mental health services but also other health services.
The hospitals really are all just acute care places, except for state hospitals. It is very hard for them to keep someone more than a week or so. Hospital social services can probably assist in figuring out another place for your daughter to live. Unfortunately, not all the places they suggest are places we would want one of our children to live.
Hi @carolinagirl1127. My heart goes out to you – I absolutely know what you’re going through because I’ve been through it. I recognize your pain, anger and grief — it’s awful isn’t. I forgot to mention that my daughter has schizophrenia and bipolar (schizoaffective) and she also has a pacemaker.
Keep advocating for a group home and it sounds like you have police documentation. Talk to her caseworker or psychiatrist and let them know that you can no longer handle your daughter and that she needs to be in a supportive environment such as a group home. Also I was very strong about voicing my disagreement as to her living in an apartment by herself. Your daughter sounds very much like my daughter and living alone for my daughter would be a disaster. I worried about her starting a fire because of her hallucinations, delusions and paranoia or killing herself or a predator victimizing her. She has no filters so I felt that living independently is dangerous plus I would have to come running to her apartment every time she called me with an emergency.
As my grandaughter’s mother I felt I could not abandon her and leave her on the streets so I fought for supported housing and I’m certain most parents share that. I wish you and your family the best.
@Vallpen – my daughter is not in a locked facility. She can come and go as she pleases but she does need a responsible adult to be in the home to help folks who have trouble living with family or independently in an apartment.
Where I live, the county mental health department seems to be the best place to go.
They have services here that gave him a case worker who’s helped us work with the hospital treatment team and helped me get my son on Medicaid so he can get more services.
He will be going into their outpatient intensive service program when he comes out the hospital this time. It’s designed to keep them out of the hospital and become more independent. I don’t know a lot about it yet, but this is what I think it includes, not that he’d necessarily use all the services:
– more frequent psychiatrist & therapy visits
– a case worker who can see him there or come to the house
they can do med management, take them out places, help them get a job, work with an employer to help resolve any issues, get them involved in group therapy - and they can help with housing including group homes.
Here, they call the entire place that does this, regular treatment for people with less serious mental illness, and crisis intervention - ours is called the county mental health services, but i think the generic state-wide term is the Community Service Board.
Yes, my son has been in both settings, it just sounded like the person asking was looking for something that provided more care.
My daughter have all the services you describe and she’s been with this mental health agency for 15 years. I think the staff there have gone beyond the call of duty and even paid a month’s worth of hotel cost when she was homeless. We have tried everything – my daughter needs more and I can no longer provide it.
I get you Molly.
My answer was to the lady looking to get her daughter in a group home.
They have bent over backward for my son too. I’m hoping he appreciates and takes advantage of a lot of what they offer.
I’m sorry that she cannot get the help she needs and it does seem like she needs longer stays. Are they saying because of insurance. I’m sure you have tried different hospitals. Last year after going off meds for several months my son became so psychotic and would run through the house punching air at I can only guess at hallucinations and finally went up to a 7 foot window and broke it with his bare hands. He had a small little cut but It was deep. I used that to take him into the hospital. He was there for about 10 days and then told us they weren’t really cut out to handle cases like him and suggested we take him to University for evaluation. They transferred him to the state hospital and we filed for guardianship and an MIW to get him longer care. I was told the longer they are off the medicine the harder it is for them to come back. Makes sense.
Since then, we’ve made sure he takes his meds by hook or crook. Problem is he hasn’t gained insight and when he went off of them again he landed right back in the hospital. We are now looking at a group home where he can learn the cope and live independently. He’s 22 and I think I need to at least let him try it. He is so isolated here and had refused to go to any social programs.
@Mom2. - I am in total agreement with your statement. I also thought about my daughter after my death – what would happen to her so for her to learn to be more independent helps her.
Exactly how I am living right now!!! She get’s on Facebook and starts talking to random guys and wants to start relationships with them and doesn’t even have a clue about who they are?! I have to take upon myself to make sure I am here to screen them. I create “fake” profiles to view who she is talking to and PRAISE GOD I do this because most of the ones she is choosing are really bad choices. They are only after one thing!!! Then to top it all off when they do turn out to be this way it spirals her into another mood swing and their demons or the spawn of satan and it just makes her condition worse. So yes she most certainly could never live by herself!!!
I understand your frustration as well. She takes her medication, but I don’t think her medication is working at this point. I am wanting to try to find a group home or somewhere safe she can live that can watch over her 24/7 and I can have peace of mind knowing she is being taken care of. She does have medical issues as well. She has a pacemaker and SVT heart conditon. So…she would have to have a place that would accept her for with this in consideration also. Have you researched a lot of areas in the states? Not sure where you are, but I am in NC. I am really getting so desperate at this point…she just got home from a stay at a hospital in Raleigh, NC. She has only been home for 3 days and there has absolutely been no change from when I took her down there. They changed her meds, but again, there is NO CHANGE!
Our mental health department in this area has been NO HELP AT ALL!!! What are the steps to help her get on Medicaid? I am sorry y’all…I know I am replying to many times on the same topic, but I didn’t realize I was suppose to type one long response for each person’s reply on here. I am new to this site.