Hi @carolinagirl1127, There is a bed availability database for NC: NC DHHS: Supported Housing (scroll down for bed availability link). As you know, it’s actually really hard to navigate these systems without a case worker or other knowledgable professional.
To get him on Medicaid, we applied for disability to both our state & the federal social security.
I think, as part of that application process, they automatically consider you for Medicaid too.
I haven’t heard anything back from disability yet, but the Medicaid came through. I did get two letters that indicated he was turned down because he wasn’t in an approved group before the approval came through. Basically, an approved group here means you’re either disabled or you’re a single mother with minor children.
I’m thinking maybe his disability process got far enough along for the Medicaid, but it’s a long, confusing process, so it’s hard to say.
I’m sorry to hear of her other health concerns. That would be a rough combination. Hopefully she doesn’t do drugs. That should make it easier to find a place. I look for the ones that are 24/7 supervised and that help them with independence. Even though my son says he doesn’t want to go. I think this is best for him. I hope you have found a way to cope and take care of yourself too. It isn’t selfish to do so. It can be so frustrating, or when a good doctor who you know has tons of experience says “this might be the best we get”. So sad but it is our reality. I’m looking for a good DBT therapy for family so we can support our son in a positive way.
Has she ever been in a state hospital? They usually do keep them longer. Apply for SSI and once they determine disability, my son automatically received Medicaid. That pays for all medicines, hospitalizations and doctor visits, and some therapy. If he were to go into a group home, they take that entire check of $733 but it would be worth it because he would be near services and groups. Meeting people like him struggling like him to get better. He has a tendency to gravitate to the less denomination of people so that is a real big concern.
The other choice is to put him in a place on our property and keep an eye on him the rest of our lives. So far that is what we have done. He moves back home when he gets sick. (Non-compliance) With support, we could do this but they actually do better out of the home. It has been a real roller coaster ride these last few years like so many parents here know.
We have filed for SSI several times and she has been denied. She was prescribed pain meds after she got her pacemaker in 2009. Long story short…after 4 years on pain meds he put her on METHADONE to try to get her off pain meds from the heart surgery(2013). Then (2014)…he started sending her to a methadone clinic. Finally…now she has been off the pain meds for approx. 1 year and 3 mos. But…damage was done I am told. Coupled with the underlying personality disorders she was already having and all the pain meds we have what we have now. I say they made her worse If I could go back I would have NEVER let her be so dependent on the pain meds to begin with, but you trust a drs decision. STUPID me…, but she was 19 at the time, so who knows…I couldn’t have really stopped all that process anyway? Yes she has been to the State Hospital twice in our area and now they are saying her “criteria” is not severe enough to meet their requirements for her to come there. I am telling y’all right now the mental health help in my area totally is awful and they DO NOT CARE! They turn people away at hospitals and refuse to keep them at all. I don’t have the option to put her on my property, nor do I want her on my property. If that was the case…I would just let her stay in the house with me now. Sorry @Mom2 not being mean, but I am just really trying to find somewhere for her to go and try to live so that I can live my life without constantly being afraid she is going to do something to herself, to me or to somebody else.
@carolinagirl1127. – I sure understand your worry about your daughter meeting men on the internet. My daughter has done the same thing and when she was living here she would vanish for 3 hours and never tell me where she’s going.
@carolinagirl1127 - Is there any way your son can be assigned a caseworker? Caseworkers are extremely helpful and understand how to navigate the system. If it wasn’t for all the caseworker that were assigned to my daughter over the years what our family went through would have been so much harder. I have a great deal of respect for their compassion, caring and knowledge.
@carolinagirl1127. Wow, I can’t believe she was prescribed pain medication. The medical established in the last two years are seeing the devastation pain medicine does to their patients and in my state have become very strict in prescribing pain meds to anyone. Also, the Benz medication is not prescribed as much as a few years ago. So sorry about your daughter’s addiction. And as for apologizing about your situation there is no need to. I understand your desperation. This is what we parents have to go through to get help for our children. I know its difficult but keep fighting for your daughter loud and clear - eventually the psych professionals do listen.
@Molly thanks…yea they don’t prescribe it like they used to and they sure don’t prescribe Methadone that freely anymore smh!!! That drug is unbelievably hard to overcome So…for that part of her recovery…I am singing praise to God. Of course, for all of the rest I have to give it to God to handle for the most part because I am about at the end of my rope. We do have a caseworker and are working with the local crisis control in our area, but they’re really no help right now.
@carolinagirl1127. – One thing I did consistently is to treat everyone who was helping my daughter, caseworker, therapist and psychiatrist with respect. They have a very difficult job and the funds to help our children is just not there. I can only imagine how frustrating it can be for mental health care workers. In my humble opinion they have been the heroes in my daughter’s and my life. I really don’t want to sound preachy or patronizing but being mean or disrespectful only creates more tension and alienation in their treatment of our children. The old adage is so true you can “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Kindness and genuine concerns works so much better than hostility and anger but that is not to say to be a doormat. Be firm and kind or have a meltdown in front of a caseworker - that’s happened to me many times. I sometimes became so frustrated and hopeless that my emotions would burst open.
My son got addicted to pain killers at about the same age as your daughter.
Not his - he had friends giving them to him & he was taking them from his father’s prescription.
He spent about 5/6 years on Suboxone until he got so tired of it, he went off it cold turkey.
I think the Suboxone was partially holding him together, although I’m still glad he’s not taking it anymore. It’s a horrible drug.
I second the case worker idea if you can get one for her.
@Molly I try to do the same, but sometimes that is very hard to do. Two of the major hospitals around here have refused to keep her. She even showed them her wrists which she had been cutting on with a shaving razor. So far, she has not gone too deep. These are BIG, POPULAR, hospitals in our area. This makes me very mad and I am sorry, but I refuse to be nice to them because of this. How do they know she is not going to take these voices advice and hurt herself bad one day? Cut too deep? Why in the world wouldn’t they admit her and observe her to at least make sure her meds are working? Which btw…they are not! Of course, they won’t listen to me
I’ve been told by the more experience parents in my support group to start quoting the laws to the intake people if I run into this problem.
Thankfully, I haven’t yet, but I’m fully prepared to do so.
If I had to, I would also take down everyone’s name and threaten to sue them for everything from malpractice to wrongful death if I thought it would work.
In my state, it’s the standard immediate danger to self or others, but there’s also that he can’t protect himself from harm and he’s either unwilling or unable to consent to treatment.
My son has had 3 involuntaries in the past six months using the second standard - I didn’t have to do anything but let the community board person evaluate him. I’ve been very lucky and I’m very thankful.
I was told this morning that there is a long waiting for a case worker and the 2 or 3 that have service 3 counties. I hope my son comes out this time with a case worker to help us navigate better. I’m not impressed with what we have here either. Spent the morning on the phone with his insurance and they were going to send me a list of therapists in their network. She suggested I use Psychology Today’s website for a therapist trained in DBT.
That’s why over this past year, I’ve decided I can’t move from our bigger county with all the services out to the next county over where we bought land. My husband will - he practically has now - but I’m going to maintain an address here so my son can keep getting the help he needs - even if he moves out at some point. He always needs to have me as a backup as long as I can do it.
I might buy a different house in this county in a few years and sell this one - something outside of a subdivision and a little more private since we still have plenty of agricultural areas - but that’s about it.
It did take a month or so for them to sign my son up with a case worker, then get him in to see her. And, she only sees her clients every month or two, but she has bent over backwards to help him after she saw how much he needed.
When he gets out the hospital this time, they will transition him over to the intensive unit with a new case manager with a much lower case load. This one will see him more often and even come to the house if he’s agreeable. They can do med management, but they can also take him out to apply for jobs or do pretty much anything else.
I hear you and I’m not sure that having her on our property is the best thing for us either. NAMI might be able to point you in the right direction. I believe I first heard about the group home from a therapist at the hospital. I then talked with another parent of adult child and he told me about the supported housing. There is a waiting list and they will take someone homeless first so it might take a while but I’m going to take my son and tour one. When and if there is an opening, I’m going to try my best to get him to give it a try.
If I could go back I would have NEVER let her be so dependent on the pain meds to begin with, but you trust a drs decision. STUPID me…, but she was 19 at the time, so who knows…I couldn’t have really stopped all that process anyway? Yes she has been to the State Hospital twice in our area and now they are saying her “criteria” is not severe enough to meet their requirements for her to come there. I am telling y’all right now the mental health help in my area totally is awful and they DO NOT CARE! They turn people away at hospitals and refuse to keep them at all. I don’t have the option to put her on my property, nor do I want her on my property. If that was the case…I would just let her stay in the house with me now. Sorry