My Mistake almost cost me dearly

I dropped my guard and it almost cost me my safe being… I love my only child with all my heart ,he has been sick for 4 years and every time he has stopped his meds it was them against us. Today it was all me, My attuditue and I was the person that left the door open for the people to come in that tried to kill him last year.I knew something was coming he had started closing the blinds again and not looking at the tv and computer, this morning he attacked me,he was not the son I loved he was full of rage and he punched a hole in the wall and tried choking me,i got away and had to run out of my own house and called the police, he is now in our hospital he talked to the officer and told him the voices were telling him to kill his self…Now I am so scared of him because I see what he can turn in too, he looked like the hulk he doubled in size I was frightening he has no voice left from screaming at me… …I will be looking for him a group home…not my home…

Serquel…like really don’t give up I hit a nurse once when I was poisoned from a suicide attempt and losing touch and literally thought I was in a CIA sleep cell center. It wound up with me on the run, giving a nurse 14 stitches in her head, and everyone seeing me in a hospital naked running like a mad man. That was 2008. If he doesn’t want to take medicine, let him go. This child of yours has to want to get better…ya know?

He is in denial …I will not wait for him to hurt me then it’s too late for me.i feel I have done everything good for him,i have given up my life and I am consumed with his illness…I tried but he need around the clock care

Well there’s not a good excuse to be so threatening torwards any woman or family. I hope that maybe he gets on the forum and tries to vent to others who suffer like him. He shouldn’t be picking on you.

@joelsgirlkathy, I am so sorry for what happened to you. He is your son but he is not the same person ever since he got sick. Parents are the only advocates our children have. After he is treated in hospital he will realize sooner than later that he made the mistake of attacking you. Hope in group home he will have therapy . Good luck!

He will not use the internet for anything but what he wants, like youtube…He was on Serquel but they took it away last year and now he was to be taking…clonidine 0.1 mg twice a day,Risperidone 4 mg every night,Benztropeine mesylater 1 mg twicw a day, Trazodone100 mg 2 at night this is coming off his bottles that are from aug, he just went to the doc this month and never got his meds and did not take theses from Aug… Heart broken mom

I know exactly how your son may feel. I listen to youtube a lot too… Lost in my own world like a radio show that helps me cope with shattering feelings. The voices punish me in my head for every mistake, years after I did it. You should tell him about that problem I have… Ilashed out, abused people, and made countless mistakes and my illness haunts me over it. My voices beat me so often and tell me never again and I try hard to defy them even though I know they’re right. I was wrong.

And now for years…after any mistake I still suffer inside.

Well, you certainly need to protect yourself. I was in a group home for 5 years. Another name for it is a board & care home. It was certainly not a horrible place to be. It was all guys. It was the best home in the city but it was in the worst neighborhood. Our street was known for it’s drugs.Some of my neighbors got raided by the police.It was common for police helicopters to fly low overhead sweeping the neighborhood with a spotlight and giving orders over a loudspeaker. Anyway, the people who lived there were in various levels of functioning. A couple were out of it. A few worked including me. I actually thrived there. I was working, going to school, going to AA meetings 5 or 6 nights a week, doing yard work regularly at my moms house. I made a friend there and we socialized on weekends. We had lots of freedom.

I am so sorry that happened. I don’t know the story about who tried to kill your son last year or why-but I can tell you love your son and if you knew something bad was going to occur you would have prevented it. We can’t see the future, all we can do is the best we can with the information we have at that moment. His violence was not your fault. It’s difficult to balance taking care of your son with taking care of yourself, but you can’t put your own life in danger - then who would be on your son’s side and what would it do to him in the moments of lucidity when he understands what he had done?

I’m sorry it has turned this way. When I first had my psychotic break I almost beat my 9-year old son with a hockey stick. I turned in the last moment and trashed the wardrobe instead. Then I ran away from home. I did not trust myself anymore. It was just too much with the voices and kid having ODD and autism. I was gone for a year. During that year I was 6 months in psych hospital. My husband had to stay home from work and take care of everything at home.

You’re right to want to protect yourself. I am addressing you from a group home right now. You might want to shop around a little for a home, because they can vary in quality. Group homes are a good solution for people in your situation. You did all you could for your son. Is your son on disability? That is how assisted living centers for the mentally ill are paid for their services. If he isn’t, you might want to start looking for a lawyer who can help him get public assistance. Applying can be a lengthy process. They routinely turn you down on your first attempt.

he is on disability and he is going to be 39, As for the person that tried to kill him it was no one I was here and he came out of his room and had me look all over the house and outside,it was in his mind.that happened last year…I have been there for him for years and always I am the one who gets hurt,I know he has a illness and I am dealing with that and really not my son.But I am alone and I have no family and it is killing me trying to work and care for him.i have bought 2 couches where he has worn them out from sitting there and that’s all he does…I can’t help him he cusses at me when I ask about his meds,I feel if he was in a group home they would make him do stuff and interact with others.

yes I saw a change in his behavior, but he has never been a violent person, but now the fear of himis there…

the reason they invented injections was because of this reason. have the hospital use injections of you have the insurance for them. the injections last a month. they are coming out with 3 month long injections. the meds make us really uncomfortable in our own skin, so i hope you understand why they suck. sorry he got violent thats not him its the disease and no reason to abandon him. call and ask for them to inject him.

also ask the doctor to try modafinil, it helps with the chronic sleepiness from the meds and is on its way to be approved for schizophrenia. hes got to be comfortable taking the meds so shifting around different meds might be necessary.

noone wants to live life with a bag over there head, its uncomfortable. thats how the meds are,

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in on this one. But I wouldn’t consider putting a 39 year old man in a group home as abandonment. He’ll have people around him who are in the same boat. He’ll have more resources for management… two of the group homes I’ve been in had a pdoc visit and there were therapist that came by.

There were group activities. If you are unable to administer care, then you need to find help. It sounds like you have done what you can, and now you need some outside intervention.

If this was a senior parent dealing with dementia everyone would say… Oh yes, that is very logical. So why not a 40 year old man who refuses to be med compliant?

I admit… when I got put into a group home for a bit I was so very angry and resentful. But it did turn my head around. It did get me thinking in a different direction. It was a very stable time eventually. When my head turned around I was able to pull out of some of my negative thinking.

Besides, if he’s in a group home and already plugged into the system and something happens to you… then he’s not alone and on his own with no one knowing he’s in need of help.

Yes… some group homes are horrid and dark… depressing places… But some are in fact very lovely. Just like everything in life… the good and the bad. Not all the good places cost an arm and a leg.

I hope you find some resources that help you and your son cope. It doesn’t hurt to get ideas and options.

i didnt see the psrt about a group home. I just personally hate the attitude people have like, “its your illness not mine, you bare the burden of fixing it, i want to maximize my ability to think only of myself” kinda attitude. some other sister let her sister go homeless from this forum so thats why i brought it up about dont abandon him.

schizophrenics didnt choose the illness anymore than caregivers chose for them to have it. ideas like letting someone go homeless because the problem is too deep for one to handle in this american maximize your selfishness attitude people have. ignore the homeless man on the street corner because those are his problems and youll be late for a birthday party if you give a dollar kinda attitude.

if all of society bared just a fraction of this persons burden, maybe like 1/28th the world would be a better place.

I would never said I was going to let him be homeless,i just want him in a better place I can not keep caring for him with the lack of respect he has for me and the anger he has,I feel he needs other types of care, here he will not go and do anything…I do love him but sometimes you have to say enough and let them go and get the help they deserve…

I completely agree, there are some family’s who make me cringe. I don’t understand the people who have no kindness for their family. But then… it’s not just the ill they treat like that… it’s the old too.

I did go homeless for a bit. I lived in a tent city and did some “urban camping”

There was a fight… there were drugs involved… I had young siblings barely 10 years old in the home, it was violent and I stormed out and decided to “show them” "I didn’t need all these rules… or meds… or family… or anyone… "

I don’t consider my family abandoning me… at that time… I saw them as the enemy. They did let me stew in my anger and hatred. I did get worse, (I call it my rabid time)

I did get picked up by the cops when I was very out of control. The minute the cops called my family saying I was found… my parents were at the hospital ASAP I’m told. That short stint of homelessness made me realize that I never want to do that again.

That is the realization that had my Mom put me in a group home. When enough was enough. Like I said… I was so very angry for a while. But a nurse sort of got blunt with me and turned my thinking around.

the five religions teach we help people expecting nothing in return. this includes respect. i agree the anger is a problem, but its the illness causing that.

change the word ‘doormat’ into a good thing. we should enjoy in society being a doormat, as doormats welcome you to the world. give selflessly expecting not a single thing in return, and the world will be a better place. in fact, expect he wont appreciate you, and turn those sour feelings into love. by taking you for granted, thats your way of knowing youve made a difference in his happiness. its called mindfulness.

If I can survive a group home , then anybody can. A group home is better than jail or homelessness.