My husband has many CIA/DEA/FB I delusions. He is currently living with his mother, which will not last much longer. I’m trying to get him into help but he is untreated at this point. His psychosis is severe, and I am currently a primary focus. Basically, he hates me because I am “in on it”. (Whatever it is). Two questions:
with treatment, have any of you experienced negative delusions about you change? Am I always going to be hated?
I have asked his family to help me or I will go it alone… but I am terrified of what he will do if he is only held 48 hours on an IVC that I petition. That will certainly end any hope for my marriage as well as make me the focus of his anger, which scares me. Ideas?
@Sadwife I can only speak from my experience with my adult son, but many times his delusions have included angry hate filled speech and paranoia about me and what I am “doing” to him and “against” him…as soon as he is stable again all of that vanishes and he is my loving son once again. I hope that once your husband is stabilized you will see your him as he once was before the delusions. If you have the coverage and time to invest in counseling for yourself during this process of helping your husband it might help to keep you strong and focused-just a thought -
@Sadwife I agree with @Catherine, When your husband is stable, all of that will vanish. I’m not in any counseling, but I really need to be. I have the support from my husband and daughter, but I am the one who’s with him most of the day because they work day shift and I work night shift PRN. My son is stable for now, but I don’t know for how long. He has a lack of insight of his illness, so he won’t take his medication because he doesn’t think he’s sick. We will keep you and your family in our prayers! Be blessed
@Sadwife@myson I only returned to counseling very recently when my son had a couple of “episodes” back to back and it just through me completely off balance because he had been really stable for so long I got “comfortable”. I also started realizing I had no close friends anymore that I could vent with or confide in and I can’t discuss anything with either of my sons, not my ill one for obvious reasons and not my well one in California either because he truly doesn’t understand and he lives such a busy life there is never enough time to explain anything to him-I am lucky to have 20 minutes once in awhile just to catch up on the day to day of his life. The counseling gives me a place to vent and open up and now that I started DBT I have a group on Friday that I can talk about my emotions with and that is a gift. Eventually I hope to develop some healthy friendships again- but I am happy with the support that I am starting to build for myself now-this group included.
Hello Sadwife. I’m so sorry of what you are going through. The few times my daughter was threatening I did not allow her in the house and I felt awful about it and I felt so much guilt about it. She didn’t want to cooperate with the treatment plan and so spiraled out of control. I didn’t abandon her as I made sure she had a roof over her head and a bed to sleep in. She wanted to be a street person and so she lived on the street for a week. I had someone check on her for me to make sure she was okay and than after week she called me and told she was scared. That is when I rented a flea bag hotel downtown for about a month.
She finally agreed to cooperate with her treatment plan.
You have every right to feel save and if you feel the least bit scared what he could do please do yourself a favor and its also a favor to him by not allowing him to live with you because if he harmed you during a psychotic episode later he would never forgive himself. He has to get help and if he becomes dangerous to himself and others you can call your local emergency mental health line and let them know what is going on. I’ve also done that and my daughter landed in the hospital.
I have been the target of much of my son’s anger for a long time and he successfully estranged himself from me about 8 years ago. It’s very hard, but remember to keep yourself safe.
Great to hear you have a counselor! You might also consider finding your local NAMI affiliate, there are people going through the same sets of choices or who have been where you are (@Catherine - you might find new friends there to talk to).
Depending on the state you live in, is AOT available? If your husband is typically stable and your relationship is good when he’s on his medication, AOT can help keep him on his meds (note AOT should only be for that exact circumstance - where meds have previously been shown to work for someone). Here’s some info from the NY State version - https://www.omh.ny.gov/omhweb/Kendra_web/Ksummary.htm. I live in MA and there’s no AOT here.
My husband has never been medicated. He has been in psychosis with increasing delusions for the last year and a half. He is completely resistant to physicians and medication, so we have had no evaluation, except last summer when I was told he was psychotic with delusions. I’m praying something will happen so we can get treatment.
He is delusional continually… he is not at any time in touch with reality for more than 20-30 minutes at a time. The problem is, when he sees law enforcement or doctors he knows to run (literally) and while delusional, assures them he will not hurt himself or anyone else. I’m afraid we will never get him help and when we do, after a year+ of delusions and psychosis, that what has happened will be irreversible.
Oh, Sadwife, this is a hard spot. I don’t have any good advice, sounds like your husband has anosognosia - a lack of insight into his illness.
So - what would he like to change about his life? Is it possible for him to identify goals he can’t reach right now? Maybe because the illness/delusions are preventing that? Darn near impossible, but sounds like finding a way to have the idea come from him through personal motivation might help.
Hello Sadwife - You can do this! Counseling is right on and I agree big time with Molly. You have to determine what is and is not acceptable and it will only get your husband quicker to recovery or into the reality that is inevitable anyway. It takes incredible bravery to keep your loved one out of the house when they’re not cooperating with the treatment plan but learn from my experience. We did not do that and then my son was arrested for holding a knife to someone’s throat. Now he risks everything if he has another incident so no way - it’s time to set boundaries for sanity for everyone.
