Hi there, i am new to this site but am desperate for help or any advice dealing with my husband and his delusions. Currently i am living in a hotel because he thinks i am trying to poison/harm him and the animals so he needed space. Prior to this he had an episode which caused me to attempt suicide and i ended up in a crisis center for a week before i got into the hotel. Its so confusing, he is accusing me of being a covert narcissist (i didn’t even know what that was, had to look it up). He is extremely intelligent, so can someone so intelligent be this way?
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Yes , even very intelligent can have this .
I’m glad you are safe now in your hotel .
Schizophrenia takes it’s toll on the diagnosed and those who surround them I’m sorry your experiencing this right now.
I think many here can relate to be at breaking point with this disease
I’m glad you found this space thank you for sharing here !
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Thank you for the response and support. With these accusations i question my own sanity.
Is it also normal for them to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder? I have been working through his brother whom he trusts to make sure that he is being checked in on daily (he sporadically only answers my emails), by either himself or their dad and they do know he has issues. Plus my husband was told by the psychiatrist that he is “hyper vigilante”
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It’s very common to have co occurring disorders OCD is very common .
If you haven’t attended a NAMI.org family support groups it can be very helpful .
To support yourself through this time it’s important.
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I am so sorry @Phetsy that you are going through this very difficult time. You must brace yourself for all sorts of wrong ideas to be told to you by your husband. Usually the illness directs its worst wrath outwards from the ill person directly at the closest loved ones. Just try to remind yourself that it is the illness speaking and try to not take it personally. Until and if controlled by either medicine or time, this is a horrible disease. The worst of it is that the ill persons don’t often take meds or do counseling as they don’t think anything is wrong with them themselves.
@MegMeg’s suggestion for you to look up NAMI and support yourself as best you can through this hard time is good for you to follow. I wish you luck. Learn all you can about sz so you can understand it better. You didn’t cause it, remember that. Chances are high that your husband will not “come back” to his old self, but perhaps can find a way to manage his illness without causing you distress. Otherwise, you must look out for yourself first.
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Thank you for the great advice and support, i did register at the NAMI.org site and chatted with one of their professionals and it was very helpful
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The family-to-family course at NAMI is, I think, the best support for understanding schizophrenia and other severe mental illness. In the “real” world, almost no one has true experience with it, and you can get a LOT of wrong advice from people who THINK they know best. I had to stop listening to friends, relatives, clergy, policemen and even doctors, who had no personal experience with severe mental illness (SMI).
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Do people with sz get other mental illnesses as the age?
I did check out the NAMI site for information, thank you for the suggestion
Currently, my husband is still emailing me but it sounds so cold and he still believes i am the one who needs the major help some days its just very hard to deal with
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I am just wondering if when they are in this state are they prone to finding/looking for other partners? If they do, does it help them or they just remain the same and start being suspicious of the new person in their life?
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There is really no way to predict, in my opinion, how someone is going to be affected by the situations that come up because of their mental illness. Some things will be similar between cases, and some will be very different. If you sign up for the family-to-family course that NAMI offers you will hear how different families are affected. Have you read the book I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help? Or seen Dr. Amador’s TED talks? I learned so much from those resources.
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@oldladyblue is right, there is no way to predict. My son displayed the same pattern over and over again. In his case, he always became suspicious of the new people in his life eventually.
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Thank you for the input, any advice or insight is welcome, even if its hard to take
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Am i still at risk for being in danger even if he has not been violent yet? He did threaten to lock me in a room (he said it was because he thought i was a danger to him and the pets), has mocked me, has yelled and accused me of all sorts of things, do these behaviors eventually lead to violent actions?
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It’s very hard to say if you are in physical danger until it actually happens.
Things like having a safety bag packed and in your trunk if things take a turn and you need need to leave quickly is a very good idea.
In the nami family to family classes they can give you a good idea of how to make a crisis plan.
If you find yourself living with him again it is good to have a safety plan ahead of time.
Even though your partner is the one with this disorder it still will have many effects on your life be kind and give yourself Grace during this time will you learn about the disorder and what it will mean for yourself as well as him.
It must be very hard to be away from your home especially during this time. But if someone is in active psychosis it’s also very hard to be around them 24/7 in the same living environment .
Do you think there’s a possibility your husband would voluntarily go to the hospital?
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Thank you for the advice to have things packed just in case. I don’t know if he would agree to any kind of treatment because currently he thinks i am the one who is seriously ill (which he had me convinced), his family is slowly trying to gain his trust enough to suggest these things. I don’t know if its a good idea for me to tell him that i am getting help but i also say we both need help (he doesn’t seem to oppose to it). He keeps on telling me that he hopes i get the help i need and for me to listen to the doctors. So it is extremely confusing to me because it sounds like he really thinks i have issues and treating me as if i have lost my mind. So i can get caught up in this narrative
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I still vividly remember how much and how often I cried the more I found out just how bad this illness is, and how very hard it affects those closest to the ill person. I didn’t just cry, I turned into a sobbing mess… many times. Even in front of other people at support meetings. I wish more people had been straight up with me in the beginning about the truth of the pain this illness causes everyone closeby. No sense in pussyfooting around it. Usually, if severe (and not every case is severe), life will be altered drastically for all the years of your future life by a connection to someone with hallucinations, delusions or rapid mood changes. And there is no fixing it for many families, only a possible lessening of the symptoms.
You MUST not believe the bad things he says about you if they are not true in your own opinion. He can’t help being mean, if it is part of his illness, he BELIEVES what he says and feels. Keep yourself safe, mentally, emotionally and physically.
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Thank you, its difficult to not over worry, i am receiving help and trying to build a support system for myself and a separate one for him through his brother and father. Currently i am also dealing with my own job loss of 26 years and i have not told him (he relies on me for income), since he stresses a lot about money i don’t know how to tell him or if i should, i do keep reassuring him that he will get the usual amount of money deposited into his account (he always feels like he has to remind me). He believes that he loses his jobs due to me conspiring with his employer so i fear he has lost his latest job of 3 months also. He is always looking to sue someone including myself or else i am going to go to jail
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I can relate to questioning my own sanity !I think many here can ,
You are not alone
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I am so upset right now because he remived me from his phone plan without even letting me know and yet i have to pay for everything, i feel like screaming!! But i wont
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