Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Do you remember your psychotic behavior clearly?


#1

I am asking this of people who are diagnosed. The reason I ask is that when I describe my son’s behavior to his pdoc, my son acts as tho he hasn’t done these things - such as yelling and making threats and describing violent acts. His response - “Have you seem me ever throw a fit?” seems so odd to me. On the other hand, he can take a single look from me and interpret it as me “having a fit”.

I have actually made some video and audio recordings of his behavior - but haven’t told him this. And of course I have text messages and emails of some of him expressing some of his paranoid thoughts.


#2

Yes, but I’ve had some small debate with my mother about this. I think it’s more a question of objectivity and perspective rather than clarity. I clearly remember what was important to me, less so what was important to my mother.

This all said, I have significant insight into myself and my illness. This varies. One thing I have observed is if you put a lot of people with sz together they tend to have much better insight into others’ problems than their own.


#3

I remember when I got really bad emotionally,like having fits and finding trouble/problem but I don’t remember every single day of when I am psychotic…


#4

I’ve talked with other people and generally they remember these times of psychosis - but psychosis is also very stressful for people (think about how you would feel if you believed these things were happening to you). When we are stressed - our memories don’t work as well - this is a known fact.


#5

I remember in a fuzzy kind of way ie short on details.


#6

yea i remember, when i was referred by my gp to have an evaluation, at the time i still functioned but i was hearing voices and getting paranoid and i was suicidal to the point where i planned it all out, i self-harmed and i isolated myself. i was psychotic and depressed but at the time i had no idea. when i was suggested i needed a stay at hospital, i was skeptical , but i agreed cos i was already at a really low point as well as having some convincing from the doc who evaluated me. it was only at the end of the day when i was in hospital that i clocked on that the paranoia and voices were all in my head.

also i was pretty much clueless about mental illness before my hospital stay.


#7

Im don’t have a formal RX but trust me im waaayy out there.I remember most of it and I was kinda like your son in that from my perspective my view was valid also because on a sub conscious level I was ashamed of my actions so I couldn’t admit them even to myself.

Even though ive progressed with my coping with sz im still kinda like that, I can still see rational points for my irrational beliefs just to make my behavior valid.

I think that for some sz takes over ones self to the point that its almost like multi personality disorder.


#8

Yes, I remember. I remember some of it as well as the times before I got sick. Some of it I am embarrassed about and would prefer not to think about those certain things I’ve said or done. But ‘normal’ people are like that too. My number one most embaressing thing is when I was about 20 years old and I was in a psyche ward. They thought I needed to be restrained so they chained me to a table face down. A pretty young nurse was standing by me by herself, I think to calm me down and monitor me and I said a bunch of sexual things to her. I was too distraught to care but they told my parents about it and I still hear about it to this day. I get embarrassed about it now but that was the only time I ever remotely did something like that.


#9

Haha man. You dawg.


#10

I remember the big things… like the big actions I took… I’m very embarrassed about those. I remember some of my episodes… the broad strokes. But the details are in a haze.

I don’t remember what I said many times, I never remember making calls to people. My Mom used to record some of my calls. I was positive it was one of my brothers impersonating me for the longest time.

Plus… Now that I am working on trying to get healthy… I think my brain doesn’t want to believe I did some of the things I did. My Mom would ask me about stuff that I did or said and I was sure she was loosing it…


#11

I remember very well most of my delusions and paranoia I went through during psychotic breaks. I would rather keep quiet and kinda ignore the subject when some one brings up that part of my past. That might give someone the impression that I don’t remember the past all that well. I also read a lot into facial expressions and sometimes it is very difficult to cope with people who have angry or rude or dissapointed or mocking or shocked or surprised etc facial expressions.


#12

i do not recall many of the details of times when i was floridly psychotic. Like when I’m admitted to a psych hospital I usually spend several weeks in the Quiet Room until they can get me calmed down enough to release to the floor… I asked my doctor why I don’t recall those times and he said the brain has a self protective device where it doesn’t allow you to recall the most disturbing times in your illness. I suspect also that it is the fault of the drugs they inject into me then that makes it a huge blank.


#13

That explains so much. Because there are parts that feel erased. When people try and tell me, my brain quits understanding.

I know my worst times were bad… very bad, but it all stays hazy.

Thank you for that… it answers a question I’ve wondered about myself for a while.


#14

When I remember them I laugh at them, glad I have reached this stage yet it must be a bad time for your son and might sound irrational for him in remission to hear about the things he did when he was psychotic, so give him a break and don’t focus on them but try to bring better topics to discuss about, it is useless to remember and dwell but rather try to build on whatever possible that may result in a better outcome for your son in the future.


#15

yw
glad it helped


#16

I remember mine quite clearly and it is an unpleasant experience that I don’t like to go through mainly because I am afraid that I might hurt someone. I came close to it last yr a few months ago which was scary and unsettling. I would hate to harm a person I care about. I do not want to in any way. I have not felt like I was wanting to but if the person had gotten in the way I might have unintentionally. Then there really would of been an issue. Nobody I know knows this. I just hope that this kind of thing doesn’t occur frequently because I don’t want to end up back in the hospital getting yelled at or something