When you tell him you will stop bringing groceries the next time he verbally abuses you - and you’ve been specific namecalling whatever it is, has that worked?
Haven’t told him that because I haven’t come to terms with not bringing him food. However, I was thinking about just dropping the money off to him and letting him figure it out. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I stop or not he’s going to do what he’s going to do. I could have deliveries done to him, but when he gets really bad he will run them off also. I don’t want to enable him to use that money to drink, so I don’t know how to approach it right now except to just ignore all his phone calls. He called me a few days ago and said did you notice how crazy I get when I drink too much coffee?
I agree with this totally!!
@bridgecomet My best suggestion is to establish boundaries that are right and reasonable for you. You could also have an “agreement” with your family member. This is what YOU can do based on certain things that HE does. If he does not follow the agreement, then you cannot hold up your end of the agreement. It has to be reasonable…you can’t expect your family member to be completely normal, especially if not getting treatment. Can you go to a NAMI Family Support Group to help you with this?
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@Friend18A Schizophrenia is someone with a impaired view of reality due to hallucinations and hearing voices - basically delusions. Some people may receive medication and realize that they were just that, delusions but some people may never figure that out and no amount of ‘hitting rock bottom’ will change that. Maybe let your friend know there are programs out there that can help the woman with her living situation.
@birdgecomet I’m sorry about your situation. Is there anyway for you to bring the groceries when he’s not there? Have you considered gift cards to local grocery stores? Maybe seek out one that specifically does not sell alcohol. I wish you the best!
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Thank you all SO much for your responses!
I’m afraid I’ve tried everyone of the responses at one time or another…
I have been on vacation from work this past week and have not heard from him at all any cannot reach him on the phone. I am already having anxiety/panic attacks about taking food to him tommorow.
I just go back and forth between being angry, or being worried about him. I’m too old to do this anymore…there is no rock bottom for him.
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The short answer is yes it could be hindering her from getting the care team she needs. Here in the states, you need a good doctor, good social worker, and good care team to acquire mental health balance. The financial support your friend is offering is above and beyond what even closest kin is required to do. I have been my mom’s legal guardian for 16 years and have never had to pay a single cent for her care. (It can be different obviously if you are a parent caretaker) I see many many caretakers over the years offer endless funds and get themselves into debt, only to find themselves in the same situations or worse. Some individuals with SZ just get sick (psychosis) for no reason at all. My mom has had decades of psychosis that had nothing to do with her living circumstances. There are programs to help pay for what your friend is providing. (Are you from UK? I am from the US so I can only speak for my country and even here it can vary from state to state.)
If you are a caretaker, and in your friend’s case he is, you must establish good clear boundaries so that you don’t become resentful. It is much easier said than done. And in your friend’s case maybe he feels good about helping someone out and can afford to provide the help. In that case he is a major hero in my book! SZ is lifelong and there needs to be lifelong programs put in place to ensure longterm success. Also, as a side note, caretakers take on enough emotional burden as it is, many cannot longterm take on financial burden.
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