Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Partner has Schizophrenia and Anosognosia But her parents don’t want to get her help

Hey Everyone, I recently started seeing someone, and shortly after meeting them I learned that they might have schizophrenia because of some of the things they said and did.

I mentioned that she might have it, that I don’t see her as any lesser for having it and I will be as supportive as I can.

Turns out, she also has anosognosia and auditory hallucinations. I watched her repeat something a friend never said, sure that he did say it. Even the friend admitted he never said it. Which then caused her to concoct a narrative where I was an agent sent by the government to undermine and discredit her by saying that she has a mental illness.

This agent narrative then became a huge sticking point in the relationship. Despite all the love and affection we had for each other, it was really hard for her to trust me.

I tried talking to her parents, but due to cultural differences they were racist, and also refused to admit that their daughter might have schizophrenia. And since they didn’t like me, they banned her from seeing me, and told her that I would institutionalize her.

And due to her Anosognosia, she keeps cutting off contact with me, which her parents want to happen. She admitted the racist things they tell her on a constant basis in an effort to dissuade her from talking to me.

To make matters worse, she has a therapist that she’s been talking to for years, and the therapist has yet to diagnose her.

She also doesn’t have a lot of friends, as she tends to push them away because of her illness.

I see all of these people in her life failing her, and even as I try to help and be supportive, the people that are failing her are actively preventing me from doing any good, while only enabling her Anosognosia.

It infuriates me because she’s someone I care about deeply, and I don’t know what to do. I know she cares deeply for me, but it’s annoying to know that her mother’s friends, her cousin, and her father’s efforts to convince her that I’m a bad guy is so effective. It legitimately makes me hate them.

It’s like they poisoned her mind against me, causing her to push away the one person that actually wants to help her deal with her illness.

Should I just leave her alone? A lot of people say that I should just write her off. she’s had a traumatic life, from child abuse to sexual assault, and after reading just how hard people with schizophrenia have it, I don’t want to be another one of those people that just push her aside because it’s too much trouble.

What would be the wisest decision here? Continue to try to help, or cut all contact and move on knowing that she might not get the helps she needs anytime soon?

I think that you should live your life and still reach out to her and let her know your always there for her and in time you will know what to do . This disease is so difficult in many ways and its nice to hear that you care for her so much

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Thanks Linda, that’s what I’ve been doing. I also told her that I don’t think that we can be ever partners, but we can be friends and she can reach out to me whenever she feels like, if she ever feels like doing that.

Though she thinks I’m a bad dude, the worst partner she’s ever had. Worse than the dude that date raped her and the dude that sexually assaulted her. And she thinks all my efforts to convince her to get evaluated is psychological torture.

So we’ll see.

I feel like I’ve tried more than most people in my position would have. And I’m okay letting her go.

She says she’s happier without me trying to convince her into treatment: Just gone from her life.

So maybe she’s one of the few people with Anosognosia and schizophrenia that can lead a good life if she has enough familial support.

Your amazing that you know so much , well done ! its very hard working with a broken mind but don’t give up on her !

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OK, if her parents fully support this girl and take good care of her, you need to back off and walk…

Did She tell you this?

I agree that this is the best thing to do under the circumstances.

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Frankly telling a patient their diagnosis has no utility. It’s just a label, it’s actually less likely they’ll accept treatment if they have one due to stigma. It’s like Groucho Marx said, “I’d never belong to a club that would have me as a member.” The relevant part is taking medication and/or continuing therapy if it helps her. Why would she go if she has anosognosia otherwise? If her parents don’t want her to get help, why does she have a therapist? Does she pay for the therapist herself? Your story isn’t adding up for me.

If she truly was subject to child and/or sexual abuse, she’d more likely have PTSD or DID. I’d be very skeptical of what she says about this, it’s a common delusion used to explain or excuse other symptoms or gain sympathy. This is a touchy subject, only an experienced and competent therapist can sort this sort of thing out, although problems generally manifest early and continue for DID or are triggered by circumstances for PTSD.

I’d move on, and if this sort of thing is a pattern for you, question what attracted you to her and to continue in the situation. These sorts of questions pop up on the forum periodically, and are rarely followed up by the original poster.

As a seemingly rare person who’s nearly recovered from SZA, I often wonder what attracts people to potentially difficult relationships and why they stick with them. Is it a codependent need, or other rescuing behavior or background? Not that I’m immune either or wouldn’t stand to benefit if I were in a different place in recovery. It’s just surprising considering how difficult dating was for me while I was ill and how rare SZ spectrum illnesses are that these situations seem as common as they are.

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The girl has schizophrenia and anosognosia, and the parents refuse to admit that. Hell, on multiple occasions she’s told me that her parents threaten to call the police on her wherever there’s an argument (you know, since because she’s sza emergency services have tried to forcibly hospitalize her).

On what planet is ignoring a serious illness ever considered taking good care of someone?

I am hurting here guys. This is the first time in my life that schizophrenia directly touched my life in such a manner. And having a loved one with not only schizophrenia but anosognosia was one of the hardest and saddest things I’ve experienced.

I never knew that you could actually feel someone’s heart close so vividly.

So it doubly hurts that I come here for support, only to have people doubting my intentions. I thought that this was supposed to be a place of support.

The only reason that I was And am willing to try so hard was because when my partner was not in the throws of her delusions, we were amazing together.

We had many of the same interests, loves, musical and artistic tastes, goals in life and so on. In fact, we got along so well together that her delusions began to have her believe that I was trained to possess many of the characteristics that would make her fall in love with me.

She said to me on multiple occasions that even if I was forced to meet her (get close to her because she thinks I’m an agent) that the love we share is real. And her feelings for me are true.

You ever meet someone and get along so well together that it feels like you’ve known them your whole life? Or you’re randomly walking through an art gallery and as the thought pops in your head about what it would be like to live together, your partner says it out loud “you know? you would be someone good to live with”.

I mean I know she may have schizophrenia but I literally fell in love with her as a person. And we were great together, if not for her anosognosia and sza causing her to have these shattering delusions about me.

As for her therapist, she’s told me that her therapist is more of a life couch kind of thing. And Tbh Maggotbrane, I don’t understand why you think someone can’t see a therapist for reasons other than having schizophrenia.

You’re right, her parents give her money for the therapist.

But again, just because she has a therapist doesn’t mean she’s telling the therapist about these things.

And I believe that I said that the parents don’t want to admit that she has serious mental illness, I.e anosognosia and schizophrenia. Seeing a therapist about dating and your career is completely different than seeing a therapist for CBT.

Also, why would you assume that me wanting to be with someone having schizophrenia is patterned behaviour for me?

My last ex was an immigrant that came to the country, went through school, brought her family up, learned enough of the law to create an ironclad lease agreement to prevent our greedy landlord from kicking us out in order to raise rental prices, did a foreign language exchange program in France this past summer, and is preparing to go to Law school next year. If anything, my last ex was above average intelligence. Which is why I was attracted to her. Despite both of us being academically inclined, she didn’t really care for art and so on, but was supportive and liked going to new events and so on with me.

I really tried with this woman because I saw her as more than just another person with sza. I didn’t want to let the stigma of being with a schizophrenic person be the reason for why I didn’t try with her.

again, We shared an intense and very intimate relationship. And despite being engaged and feeling extremely close to my last partner, this new relationship taught me what it was like to be with someone that shared many interests and goals. So to me, it was worth fighting for. Even if we can’t be partners, which seems to be the case, she was still a good woman.

And as for why I choose to be in a difficult relationship? I dunno. I used to work with an anarchist collective that fed and offered clothes to homeless people. And unfortunately many of them have schizophrenia or some form of mental illness.

This realization and some reading made me substantially more sympathetic to those with the disorder. Plus I want to try to be a more empathetic patient and compassionate person.

I didn’t really believe in true love until I read some of the amazing and heart rendering stories on this forum. Which is a really nice place. Even though things have ended with me and my partner, I’ll still continue reading people’s post here.

Also I try not to run from things that are hard. Just because a relationship maybe difficult doe

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Your full of it man, leave the girl alone, If the girl has schizophrenia and anosognosia her parents would know it…

And you believe it, you have no business trying to interfere with her or her family.

Like I said above:

You never indicated if she is well taken care of… odd…

Oh yeah?
How do you know that Huh?

@Star-CrossedLover
It’s a tough road mate
And it will be up to you if you take it
You will learn a lot about mental illness very quickly and will learn how ugly it is…
This will not be your normal relationship
Although it might be very interesting
But it’s so difficult and you will likely not have all your needs met
But can come pretty damn close depending on how functional and stable they are.
It’s totally worth it if you get lucky and work to build the relationship from scratch
Schizophrenics have powerful psychic energy
And that can be a positive trait Depending on how you look at it…
Just be friends for now and don’t hook up
And get to know her
And take her out!
You don’t have to rush anything
That’s what happened to me
I’ve been with my partner about 8 years :slight_smile:I love her a lot
Our relationship is highly interesting
And I’ve grown to be understanding
And I’m happy!
But there is obstacles most definitely
But those obstacles have made me strong and the person I am
She’s a great teacher

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Thanks for the response Sunshine, I’m glad to know that it can work and I’m happy for you.

GSSP’s responses is what I mean, shouldn’t this be a place of support?

I don’t understand why you think I’m lying or have bad intentions here GSSP.

It is a well known fact that mental illness, let alone, schizophrenia is stigmatized. I said that the parents know but don’t want to admit it because of the stigma associated with it.

And I’ve read other users mention that they had family members with the disorder, but their parents refused to accept it and Therefore refused to get proper treatment for their children.

So it’s entirely possible for parents to not want to admit that kind of thing.

I mean she may have schizophrenia but that doesn’t mean everything she says is a lie, so yes I tried to treat her as I would treat any other person.

As for well taken care of, she fights with her parents a lot because she has the disorder, doesn’t know that she has it, but cannot understand why her parents treat her like such a child.

And again, I don’t understand how refusing to get your daughter the proper help she needs to lead a fulfilling life is taking care of her so I cannot honestly say that she’s taken care of.

yep, i support the girl and her family… im not going to tell you what you want to hear man…

What is it that I want to hear? Are you a mind reader? I’ve already decided to not be partners with this woman, and that I’ll still try to be friends with her, if she wants that, to be supportive.

Read up dude. I said as much in my second post. I don’t understand why you’re coming here with all of this negativity.

is she a child? her age?

What kind of question is that? How is that relevant to what we’re talking about?

Ok, it is obvious that you’re here to kick up some dust, and this isn’t why I came here.

I’m not going to engage in this pettiness.

I hear you, how old is she? Well my guess is 18 and your 25-28… stay away from her…

See, this is why I say your posts are just oozing malice.

Why would you assume that? You make it seem like I’m taking advantage of her or have bad intentions.

I’m surprised a moderator is letting you clearly break our community guidelines, which is to be a supportive place.

We’re both in our 30s and She’s actually several years older than me.

Relatively speaking, I’m the youngest guy she’s been with.

And no, I’m not going to show you my birth certificate to prove it.

And her parents will not acknowledge her illness? How long has she been sick?