Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Does this disease cause repeated commitment and infidelity issues?


#1

I have been with my boyfriend 5 years and he has been unfaithful for about 4 and a half years out of this time. He is not just cheating he is having multiple long term relationships with multiple women. The first time I caught him he had been with one woman for 10 months, and another for 8 months all while maintaining a full time long term relationship with me. He has had countless flings, a bunch of contact with a bunch of different women. We lived together for a year and every couple weeks he would pack up and leave while I wasn’t home, one time I went to do his laundry and when I came back 2 hours later he had packed and moved into another place. We planned to get married 2 times last year, he backed out the day before. He even backed out of living together - refusing to give me the money we put aside from taxes on the day of move in. I never get a chance to recover from one incident before another takes place. My family sees the hurt I feel and they no longer like him. He does not deal with his family (probably because he won’t take meds) I have never met them and his adoptive mother passes away 3 years ago. He always blames these bad behaviors on the fact that he never grieved for his mother, his ex girlfriends treated him bad, etc. He has suggested counseling and therapy individual and collectively but he never really stuck to it. Even tried taking meds for a 2 days after he got caught cheating last year and moved out on me saying that he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. Well I let the house go and moved into his apartment and come to find out he has been having a relationship with the woman 2 doors down for the past 5 months. When I see the signs of other women I always give him the benefit of the doubt, and I ask if he wants to part ways, he always wants to stay together but is always coming up with excuses when I find out about something like infidelity. He has not taken meds since he was a young adult about 21 when he moved away from home. He says he struggles everyday but he chooses not to take the meds. He is 35 years old currently. I am at my wits end and I want to leave. We started couples counseling 3 weeks ago because I got him to admit to the lady next door and he told me he ended it, but he didn’t. We are in counceling and I had to go back there and tell them he lied again and got caught - again! Please help, I need advice big time.


#2

Just leave him. Too much drama. I also would get tested for STDs.


#3

Just got tested, and I let the other woman know so she could get tested too. I started looking for another place, but I didn’t tell him yet that I plan to leave. Do you mind if I ask you if you have sz or are you supporting someone else who suffers?


#4

I have sz. I don’t think cheating is a symptom of schizophrenia. He could have a personality disorder or is simply an asshole.


#5

No, this illness does not cause almost anything of the stuff you told us your boyfriend does.

He honestly sounds like an idiot and I don’t understand why you have been with him for so long.


#6

Lol you have made my day, truly. I believe the latter of the two is what effects him. When I confronted him I told him I was done, he conveyed that he really doesn’t want that and he insists on staying together. I am at his mercy since I live with him now, so I told him that we are going to work through this since he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Do you think I am wrong for planning to sneak out of his life as soon as I get keys to a new place, the way he has done to me over and over? I came to this site because I started feeling badly about what I am doing, pretending to be together and work things out when I am really deeply hurt, and angry and planning to cut off all communication with him. I started thinking to myself that you should do unto others… and not be bitter no matter how he has hurt me because he is sick. I thought maybe he really does love me but just can’t do it on his own. I told him he was a sex addict and started looking for support groups but I think it might be just that he doesn’t care about my health or his for that matter.


#7

I am too nice. I consider other peoples feelings before my own. I suffer from depression and bi-polar, so with everything else in my life I couldn’t see him for what he was, always thinking the issue was me. Now I am finding out that my son who is 19 has sz. My limit is one per household so someone has to go and it won’t be the boy. I am scared, the bf says that looking at my son is like looking in a mirror of when he was his age.


#8

I have schizophrenia, and it has caused extreme withdrawal from society. I am as reclusive & isolated as it gets, and it has also caused intense desires to remain celibate - so, quite the opposite trend. I’m afraid of having children & certainly afraid of STD’s, which is why I stay away from everyone.


#9

You do need to leave. You’ll have a hard enough time helping your son through this.

Don’t feel bad about it. You deserve to be free.


#10

I’ve been to numerous hookers and flings.
No it is not part of this illness.


#11

Yep, it sounds like you’ve been too nice. But I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this at once. I wish you the best of luck with helping your son.


#12

Damn, it’s hard for most of us to get one lady

It might not be a bad idea to let his clinician know though.


#13

I’ve had SZ for over two decades. I’ve been in a stable, monogamous relationship for the past 17 years. No affairs or cheating by either partner, although she admits she has a crush on Mel Gibson because he’s ‘cute’ and I admit to eyeing the occasional and rather exceptional pair of female breasts. We both agree that occasionally looking, but not touching, is fine.

Suspect that your BF’s problems stem less from SZ and more from the fact that he is a massive douchebag. If one is to be upfront here. Suggest kicking the bugger to the curb and finding someone who gives you the respect you deserve instead.

Best of luck,

Pixel.


#14

Yep like everyone said, it’s not the illness. Thankfully, that would suck if it were a symptom, but it’s not.
He just sounds like he’s not worth the time wasted.


#15

I don’t know if that is fully true. My ex-wife had similar issues as denine24’s boyfriend. She was never in long term relationships with other people, but I know she had at least several encounters at a bar across the street from where I live, possibly many more. Prior to her being sick she had never had issues with infidelity, but about a year after she became delusional she also became hyper-sexual, which I think was a symptom of her mental illness (I’d been with her for almost 13 years, 9 of those years she was healthy, the last 4 she was sick).

Bottom line though, is that this guy has been cheating on you for almost your entire relationship, you don’t deserve that. Give him up, and I promise your life will eventually get much better. It’s not easy (believe me, I’ve been going through this for the past 3 months), but it’s probably the best thing you can do. It’s not going to get better, he won’t stop cheating on you, there is 4.5 years of history pointing to those facts being true.


#16

Rethinking what I wrote here. It’s quite possible my ex had other underlying psychological issues that caused her hyper-sexuality. However, cheating is a fairly common theme on this website, so that kind of makes me lean towards it is a possible issue with sz. Once again, not everyone with sz cheats, but I think it is a fairly common issue that sz partners run into.


#17

Hyper sexuality can be a symptom of mania, which can go along with the illness, but it doesn’t sound like that is what’s going on here. These are fully fledged relationships. He is a total jerk who obviously doesn’t love you at all, and you don’t deserve that. Get out of that relationship however you can. It doesn’t matter if you are sneaky about it. Focus on caring for your son. That guy will be able to take care of himself.


#18

Mania is one thing. But I don’t think that’s what is going on here. And I also think cheating is almost always a choice. Even if the person is hypersexual it is usually a personality issue and not a sz issue. Just my opinion, we can agree to disagree if you want.


#19

I agree with you @Treebeard, I had hyper sexuality during my manic episodes but I never cheated.


#20

The illness certainly does a number on one’s impulse control and I can tell you from my own firsthand experience, whatever baggage you are carrying around in addition to the Sz will inadvertently get dumped out in full display of others with little to no warning. It really sucks and it’s one of those issues I have to be very aware of when I’m struggling with my health. I’ll give into impulses that I ordinarily would suppress as I’m aware they are NOT healthy.

Pixel.