Doing nothing on own accord

[Jane57]

So so sorry, are there no carer support opportunities for you where you are?
I know I had a carer support worker , i used to see her every few weeks to chat and it helped me, helped feel normal. She invited me to the carer support group, i only attended twice to be honest though.

What are your interests? do you have any things for yourself to make you feel good.
I have a couple of things I do, I watch video blogs, of normal things ,
I buy and swap wax melts, they give me a lot of pleasure as they are pretty and smell nice.

Could you maybe strike up some online friend ships, like on here? Im so sorry you feel so sad.

[Doctor]

No, I can’t afford a carer. Or did you mean career? Most of the career opportunities are for people who are physically abled and can do trades. I’ve lost most of my hobbies due to my physical conditions and depression. I’ve already tried various online friendships in the past, it’s all different now, everybody is in their own world. I’m auditioning to be a voice actor now, to work online and if I get the main role, I’ll be able to sign a contract for 4-7 years, but I don’t know how much I will make. I made my desired pay rate to be $3 per minute as a starter voice actress, just sent my audition in a couple hours ago.

[Jane57]

Oh that’s good fingers crossed it’s successful.

No I meant carer as here in the uk if you care for (you don’t have to even live with them). You are eligible for a support worker for YOU.
Good luck with the voice over.

[Doctor]

Thank you. Is that like a therapist? I used to have psychologists come to my house because I was ill (physically) to be out or sometimes they would see me in the hospital as I did my treatment.

[Jane57]

Well not so much a therapist, but it is and can be therapeutic to talk to them .

[Doctor]

Yes, I can imagine how helpful that would be.

[Doctor]

I got the part by the way!!! They said they like my natural voice even more!

[Never_to_become]

What hobbies did you have in the past?
Once i started woodcarving and impressed myself, if no one else (it turned out to be way easier than I thought it would be)

[Never_to_become]

That news made MY day! So very happy for you!
Thank you for making me smile

[Doctor]

Thank you!! I liked listening to music, dancing (I can’t even jump or my knee twists and I have difficulty walking for the rest of the day), painting, drawing, sketching, graphic design, playing piano (arthritis killed all of these for me), watching movies, video gaming, singing, running/excercise, reading, and writing. I also did knitting when I had cancer and my fingers weren’t convoluted.

[Never_to_become]

These are impressive and fun hobbies.
I wish I could play piano, i really do

You should consider writing. Knowing you a little bit through this forum, i think i would have liked reading your, perhaps, short stories.

[Doctor]

I’ve considered it and I’ve had tons of ideas for books, but I don’t know how or where to begin. I used to write poetry too, but now it’s all emptiness.

[Jane57]

Brilliant news so pleased for you.

[Doctor]

Thank you!! I didn’t think I would get it since I’m a beginner and I’ve never done voice acting before and I struggle with expressing emotions and facial expressions, but they really liked it. They did say I need to work on showing a little more emotion though, but that otherwise everything was good.

[Never_to_become]

Sometimes when a situation provokes a good thought and a revelation of some sort, you may want to write a short story around this revelation. So that a reader could see how the situation triggered that new understanding

[Jane57]

Been a challenging couple of days, we are almost 2 weeks into his depot and something has changed.
He wrote out last night a huge two paged list of "what’s going to happen " to him. He sa he is going to be given a drug to knock him out and be trafficked off to Afghanistan. He says while USA a debit card in October he was actually tricked into buying the tickets so that will be their excuse to take him there.

Coincidentally he’s pacing more and been bit more distant. I guess it’s when he worries take over. He still keeps saying he’s not ill and it’s because his soul was “allowed” to be taken.
He said something new today, he said he’s going to die. That was new , I just reassured him, what else can I do.

[slw]

@Jane57 - remind me how long your son has been on the injection?

My son is on his 5th month, just got his shot last Wed. which was early because he had stopped sleeping again.

By coincidence, out of the blue on the way home, he asked if the shot was going to kill him.
Then, lots of other things are going to kill him - or he’s already dead.

He was so sick that he was a danger to himself so he was admitted last night.
Some of his comments were:
I’m dead - many times, as in he’s already dead.
Am I going to die in here?
Please don’t leave me - I’ll die here.
Do people die here?

On Saturday, we had to go to the ER because he was convinced he was dying - he drank purple listerine (about an oz) early in the morning, then had some prescription pills that were yellow. Yellow + purple = black, so he must have cyanide in his system and he was going to die. Hours later plus an EKG & other tests - and everyone from the front desk people to the nurses to the doctor telling he wasn’t going to die didn’t help. We got in the car at 2 AM & the first thing out of his mouth was, I’m dying, aren’t I? (How in the world did he not pick up my habit of saying ain’t?)

It’s a funny coincidence.

And, his disease could be progressing, but he has something new & worse happen every time the injection gives out on him. This one was more OCD-like, and I’m seeing more of that too. But, the real concerning part is that sometimes I can’t get him to respond to anything - his mind is just gone.

EDIT: When it first came up, I told my son he wasn’t allowed to die before me & we were both going to live to a ripe old age. Then, made him promise he wasn’t going to die before me. It comforted him a little. Even last night, something cleared for just a second & he very quietly said, we’re both going to live to a ripe old age, right. And, I said yes - 90, at the very least. Just a few months ago, he could predict how old people would be when they died & his number was like 536. It bothered me at the time, but it was a lot better than this.

[Doctor]

I write down little quotes whenever that happens and small lines for characters in my notes. I had a phone full of them and then my iPhone hit the red screen of death. It was only like 3 years old. I want to transfer all my notes on paper just in case that happens. You can’t depend on digital stuff.

[Jane57]

That’s so sad and worrying slw, poor boy .
My son was discharged from hospital in Aug 2016 after a 5 month stay. He has been on the depot (reluctantly) for 9 months now.

At times he hardly talks , one word answer yes or no, he also asks me to repeat what I’ve said over again.

After his 2 bad days he’s just tonight ask his dad then me to lay with him till he goes to sleep, I’ve lay for so long he’s going to sleep now 10.20pm.

The dying fear is so coincidental isn’t it.
I feel for your son and you.
My son has just said to hubby he should have had this certain beer last time at football match as it was specially for him and it would let him have his “soul” back.
Take care.

[Jane57]

My son tonight said mum I want to stay with you forever. I couldn’t live without you. I’m 23 years older than my son so I figured if I keep healthy I will still be around for him.