Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How much longer?


#1

My son was admitted into the hospital 2 nights ago.
Called the CIT people, and it C. went with them voluntarily.
The situation changed when they told him they were putting him on a 72 hour hold. As usual, he does not want anyone talking to me. So-no information. They actually had to keep him in the ER overnight because there were no beds. They did put him in a regular bed, and when I called later, he was sleeping.
One day, I will learn my lesson. I ended up having an altercation with one of the security people because they were telling me to leave the room and I felt I should be able to stay.
I get the feeling that my son doesnt suffer as much as I think he does. He was very delusional, but still taking care of himself. My sister called him last night and said he sounded terrific! I called a few minutes later and he sounded his usual way. Complaining, and trying to think of something I could bring him ( even though he knows I wont…his words…) and hung up on me.
He knows I called the police-then apologized for the way the security treated me.
He interacts with people in different ways. It SEEMS he is pretty nice with a person if he likes them or needs something for him…
Anyway, I am going to let him run his life from here on out. At least it would be something different from what I have been doing for the past 20 years.
Time to let go…at least I know he CAN take care of himself.
He really does seem to throw a tantrum when things are not going his way, or I am not able to take him to the store,etc…I am too old for this now…


#2

Good for you. Don’t get pushed around.
I’m sorry you have to deal with all the drama this late in the game. It doesn’t have to be a “black & white” thing as you well know. You can live your own life and still help and support your son a little. But he’s a little old for you to devote your whole life to be helping him.
My mom told me twenty years ago. “You’ll always be my child no matter how old we both get”. Good luck.


#3

wow, I’m happy for you and I hope it sticks. you have been burdened long enough.


#4

There’s certainly two sides to every story.


#5

I think he is too. Anything to do about it? Kick him out to another living situation? That’s what a mother car does.


#6

@bridgecomet Good luck.


#7

I’m sorry that he’s being difficult!

There’s a lot in our culture and probably our biology as well that seeks to separate 20 year olds from their parents. Too bad this particular fellow is so ill that he’s vulnerable in ways we don’t associate with 20 year olds!

Jayster


#8

I’m so sorry about what you are going through:(


#9

Do you have anyone to help you when you help him? Your in need - it sounds like more than him because he was able to sleep. It sounds like your son lives with you? My son is living with me right now while in between apartments. But he and I do so much better living apart. That way when he calls me at 10:30 at night wanting cigarettes I can tell him no (we have discussed why when he was calmer) and then not answer the phone for 30 minutes while he processes through the no. If he lived with me full time all the time, I would go nuts! One tiny step at a time I have set limits with him, with my own counseling to help the how I set the limits, and it is so much easier. Also, I had wonderful support for him in another county a few years back and the caseworker would “take the blame” when I told the caseworker he was decomping. Then I could be the support, not the focus of his anger.

You need to do what is best for you, so when things get calmer, don’t feel guilty for doing what you have to do! Ad remember, this will pass.


#10

Yeah-Im still trying to find the balance. May have a little co-dependency going on..thats why Im in therapy right now. I will still support him no matter what-but hes got to start doing his own thing and then throwing a fit when I don`t.


#11

Hope so too! He would not be a burden if he would not verbally abuse me everytime Im with him. When hes on meds, he`s totally different.


#12

**He is not forthcoming with his! He is being very quiet in the hospital and with the doctor. **


#13

Yeah, a balance for sure. I’m not criticizing him here but he has to at least try and put out an effort to help himself or put out an effort to let you help him.


#14

He already has his own place-not too far from me. I usually take him to the grocery and laundry once a week, but stopped a few weeks ago because he was too hard to deal with. He had a hip replacement so I know that`s a hardship, but that mouth if his is awful. Cannot reason with him at all.


#15

He lets me help him-but it`s his way-or the verbal abuse!


#16

Hey Jayster—he is 38 years old!
We`ve been doing this for 20 years now!


#17

No-he has his own place. I take him to do errands but he is not on meds and getting verbally abusive.
Sometimes I wonder about him because I dont know of anyone else with this disorder that acts the way he does. He is in the hospital now and still fighting. Worst thing is: he still wants to stay on the same meds that were causing tremors and seizures. Told those people about his whole long history-and they cant force anything on him so he is on the prolixen again-in pill form this time.
He is the most combative, hard-headed, stubborn person I ever met.
It get old fighting him, his disease, and the system. Im pretty sure Im done fighting.


#18

Yeah, it’s a shame that some people fight the very people that are trying to help them. It doesn’t make sense, but then again this whole disease doesn’t make sense. I started out that way, but luckily I came around quickly.


#19

He fights EVERYONE! Keep wondering if he will ever come around. I hope the doctor at the hospital will call me so I can speak to him about a re-evaluation, or a different med. Not holding my breath-but Ill just keep calling... C. has already asked me 4 times to bring a razor up there for him. Hes been told that it is not allowed, but insists ( to me ) that it`s ok. He hates not being able to shave.
Nick-I know you have done extremely well. I hope my son can do as well also.
Thanks for your replies OO


#20

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. Sometimes it is best for our own health to step back and let it play out. My son is headstrong in the same way, and when it’s like that there is nothing to do but step back. But I do always make a lot of noise so the doctors will listen to me, who else is there to tell them what has been going on? K can’t do it when he is in that state of mind.
There is no reason for you to take the verbal abuse, and yes, my son gets the same way. I’ve learned that you have to have boundaries, people do what we allow them to do! (That can be hard at times can’t it?)
We can’t control everything, as much as we would like to do just that. Your son is in the hospital, so you at least know he is safe. Take a deep breath and use the time to take care of YOU. Hang in there, you got this. I’ll be thinking of you,.