Hello to all,
I’m new here and in a situation that I really don’t know what to do.Any help from other family members will be very much welcomed.
I have a brother who I haven’t been in contact for 15 years except one brief encounter
It was him who didn’t want contact.He had a pychotic breakdown in his twenties.At the time he was hospitalized but they let him go a few days later…Years later when I talked to one of the doctors that cared for him at the time told me that it was probably schizophrenia but he didn’t stay long enough to have a clear diagnosis.My mother who is deceased now didn’t want to accept the seriousness of the situation…My parents were divorced and she was the only authority at home.I was young and had my own problems so after a while,after my brother got better a little bit (which means there were no positive symptoms )and finished his school,I thought he was ok.But in the meantime all the negative symptoms were there…Anyway,he never had a full time job but my mother always enabled him in all ways.
After my mother passed away,I had to share the home with my brother for 3 years.Those 3 years were so difficult for me.All the responsibilities were on me and he was acting and behaving very badly from time to time.I didn’t understand why he saw me as an enemy while I had his best interests in my heart and was very caring and that made me very very sad.I wanted to take him to a doctor but of course I wasn’t able to.I contacted my father but he didn’t care and During those contacts I learned that my father himself had paranoias etc.I was helpless so I let it go…The only solution I found was moving out.I was young and I had my own life issues.After that my brother left the town and went somewhere else.I didn’t know what he did or how he managed…Just heard from some friends who knew both of us that he was working.I tried to contact him a few times but he didn’t want that so I moved on with my life.From time to time remembered him and wandered how he was doing.Only that.
Then 6 months ago I heard that he was in very bad conditions and needed help.I contacted him and this time my contact was welcomed.I tried to help him as much as I could.He was still in another town.Then I heard that the conditions got worse.I invited him to my town.I just wanted him to get out of that bad conditions for a while and in the meantime I would try to find solutions for his situation.He was happy and came here,but not to my home.I am married now and my husband knows the story and he is very understanding.Right now my brother is my guest at a hotel.I had a couple of dinners with him.He sounds ok but I know he is not.He sounds like he wants to connect very much.I tried hard not to act out while I was with him because meeting him raised all kinds of emotions and anger in me,remembering the days I lived with him.But two days ago,I couldn’t help saying “I have very bad memories about you” etc. Then I felt I needed a break.He is still here but we stopped the contact for 2 days.I know that I should take him to a psychiatrist even if it is late .But in the meantime,how am I supposed to behave towards him?I know I shouldn’t judge or blame him for anything.It is not his fault but I can’t help remembering the old days and what I endured.I don’t know what to do and how to balance my own emotions when I am with him.
I wrote so long,I didn’t intend to write this much but I guess I needed to tell this to some people who would understand.Thanks for reading and I’ll appreciate your replies.
(by the way,I am not from US)