Caregiver burnout. PTSD. Depression.
I have nothing left.
This illness has destroyed my family, my faith, me…
25 years later and I am truly amazed the stress and futility hasn’t killed me yet.
Kind of wish it had by now.
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@HeatherDiane so sorry you are feeling like this. I totally get it having been battling for a similar time. My loved one finally cut me out of their life a year ago, very painful but also a sense of relief to have a break! Still wonder when the next blow will come. I wish you better times soon 
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25 years is a very long time @HeatherDiane . I am so sorry you feel so distraught. I hope you can find some type of peace and some better times soon as @penelope_pitstop said. Can you get some quiet alone time?
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I know what you mean by waiting for the next blow. It’s relentless. Life is never stable for long with this illness. I just hate it.
Thank you for responding 
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I’m going to try. I always feel guilty when I do. Both because I worry too much and because he says things that make me feel guilty . He is so dependent. I am just broken though. I’ll probably just go and cry/sleep for a couple of days. It’s all I can do and all the time I have right now.
Thank you for responding❤️
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I totally get how you feel. I am there myself right now. We can only remain hopeful, have acceptance and practice self care, easier said than done, but it is all we have for survival against this horrible illness.
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Im concerned that you wish this ordeal had killed you by now. There may not be a support group you can access, but there’s probably a therapist who can provide caregiver support. Many therapists are now working remotely so you may not have to worry about driving distance - which would add to your time away. Everyone says take care of yourself. I felt i couldn’t and didnt even really know how. Then, i got so depressed that i went to a partial hospital program. It gave me a break and restored me enough to go on.
I hope you find some relief.
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Hey there Heather Diane;
I know exactly what your feeling and going thru my son 23 years old diagnosed with schitzophrenia since he was 18 did really well till he decided to stop taking his meds. its going on a year now and he has destroyed the interior exterior walls of my our home. He to plays the guilty card on me. I am the ENEMY and so much more in his eyes. it is a burnout and the depression is real along with anxiety.It seems crying is all do and pleading that my son comes to an understanding that there is help and he does not have to go thru psycohotic episodes if he would listen to his dr and his counslor. That meds are what he desperatly needs to get well . My son is in the hospital on a 51/50 hold the plan is he will go into an inpatient treatment facility. I am hoping they keep him in treatment more then a week lol.He nedds deep treatment. So i understand ur burn out and depression and asking why and for what. I also take care of my mom who is in middle stages dementia. alone time helps me and i mean ALONE where no one can bother me.while my son is in the hospital i will take this time to reflect and heal from all the Hyper vigilant mode im in constantly. Consider doing what maakes u calm or happy anything sitting under a tree,siting quietly at home etc i hope you feel releif and reach out if you dont i know exactly what your going thru.
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I was there too, in 2017 and 2018. Hopeless and depressed and feeling guilty. As long as there seems no solution to the dire straits your loved one is in, it is easy to make yourself feel guilty. Please do whatever you can to end the guilt you feel. I used to find alone time, and it was very very needed for my own mental health. But the guilt never really eased… until I let it stop ruining me.
Please find some activities you can do to give you peace for minutes, hours, or days while you fight the battle you are fighting. You cannot also be lost in this fight as then schizophrenia has claimed two minds instead of one.
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It is a very horrible consuming illness for sz loved one and family. I have been caring for my son for over a decade. I now realize how important it is to take time for myself and be with my other family members and my husband. My son is 28 and never improves much and is overly dependent on me. I do the best I can, but I now realize that no
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matter how hard I try, he is not really improving, so I don t answer every call and I know my taking time for myself is not making him ant worse. I am so sad he got this disease, but I don t feel the guilt as much anymore. I used to feel bad doing anything nice for myself because he was suffering and I felt guilty doing much with friends. Now I am getting better at realizing that I can t control this or cure it.
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Hi, my adult 32 yr old daughter has major breakdown and in the hospital. Not sure if she’s schizo or bipolar. She’s suffered since her teens. I feel pretty hopeless here too. Her father suffered from mental problems too with many hospitalizations. I am glad she’s getting some help but not sure what next few years will bring. I’m exhausted and will just try & take care of myself to help her and my family.
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Hi Ellielb53, Yes, it is a good idea to take care of yourself. It is heartbreaking to see our children suffer, but we have to try to have some semblance of a calm life. My prayers are with you.
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That is so absolutely true. Thank you for that reminder.
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Hi @Ellielb53 welcome to the site and I hope you return and post throughout the war your daughter is fighting with severe mental illness. I lurked on here for quite some time before posting, both activities helped me. Take care of yourself and good luck with finding things that help you and her.
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