I feel like I have become sicker than the family member we care for

My son has been in another world since July. I can’t take anymore. MY DEMENTED mother makes things harder. He keeps talking to voices not there. He don’t eat much. He don’t want to bathe. He hears spiritual voices. He is bipolar schizophrenic. He don’t sleep. My mother won’t sleep if he don’t. He has memory problems. He is like Alzheimer’s disease. He is on high doses of medicine and nothing works. He left the hospital and started burning stove. I was at work and my mother called screaming. He was discharged from the hospital Christmas Eve. I called his doctor at the hospital. He said my son had been on medicine a long time not working. He suggested a neurologist because he has memory problems. He said they give brain test when medications don’t work. My mother hates to put him in a group home or nursinghome. I am afraid she will get hurt taking care of him in this state. She says he is her purpose. I told her she needs to let go to help him. She cried. I am upset enough about him without this. She is depressed. All her friends are at the nursinghome. I asked her to try to make new friends. I can’t work and have to worry about her.i am not superwoman. I work with mentally ill all day . I try to be positive and help them. I can’t help my own son . I am trying to accept the situation and my mama makes it harder. I honestly wish we were all dead. I am depressed and tired. I live in dementia schizophrenic hell. I have told my sons psychiatrist for months this is too much. She just sits there. I use to like my job but I am tired from this. My son is zeroed our and I miss him. He has delusions about wicks. I am a preachers daughter and this sends mother over the edge. God deliver me. I am wanting to try to be positive but feel beat down thanks for letting me vent . Praise God they did not kill my son at the hospital. The doctor did not read his history.

You have had enough. Put them in a home together and let them care for each other with proper supervision. That isn’t mean, you are sinking with the ship.
Time to jetsam the baggage and save yourself or let them drag you down with them.
Honestly, sounds like I’m real cold and mean, but I’m just being realistic. You have a future, if you save yourself. They can’t expect you to do this by yourself, no one could, at least not for very long. If money were no object, wouldn’t they be somewhere else by now?
Sorry to sound so mean to your family, but if you want to survive and not burn out and destroy yourself, you have to take care of yourself.

I’m diagnosed SZ. My mom and I cared for my father at home 100%. He had Alzheimer’s and died last year. My mom’s personality changed drastically, and the stress just about killed her too. I ended up being her caregiver after he died. She went from fiercly independant to where she couldn’t even drive across town or do the housework. I even had to grocery shop and cook her meals.
I have always taken care of myself-sometimes just barely, but enough, that I don’t ever want to be a burdon on anyone-ever.

I also think you need time apart from each other. Putting your son (and maybe mother) in a home doesn’t need to be the final solusion. You never know what happens in a year or two. But YOU need time for yourself. Pronto. Before you go down completely.

I’m sz. I know I was a vegetable in my head when I was ill. I needed help with everything. It’s hard to be an adult when nothing works. I was in hospital for 6 months, then my mom got me out of there. I lived at her place for 5 months. Slowly slowly coming back to life.

Your son needs care from rested ppl. Ppl who get payed to take care of him. Who can go home and sleep and get back next day with new energy.

Because I am a recovering alcoholic of many years, I sometimes get called in to help a family where one of the members is an alcoholic or drug addict. I have frequently seen the family members caring for the person with a substance abuse problem look worse than the substance abuser himself!

I am a schizophenic, but I have also done some caregiving work for loved ones with one or another disability. It just was so hard fo me to be in the caregiving role!

Good wishes,


I have never heard of a ppl.

**Dear Laura~
If your son is in the hospital-that is a good thing for now. You can rest, and your son can get some much needed help.
Not sure why your mom can`t stay where she is?

I gather “ppl” is an abbreviation for “people”.

Ppl = people but much shorter. :wink: learened in a chat a long time ago.

My mom is in a state of depression due to disease. She is upset about his diseasep

Honestly, your son is taking high doses of APs and they’re not working at all. I do think its possible he hasn’t got schizophrenia at all. Maybe something else. I think the brain scan is a good idea. Also, ask them to look at other treatments for treatment-resistant schizophrenia, if they don’t find something else. I think you need respite, but I also think don’t despair now. It seems his doc is rethinking his treatment. With a bit of luck this may be the darkness before the dawn. Praying for you all.

You need to get him on SSI and/or SSDI, if he isn’t already. There probably will come a time when he has exhausted your ability to care for him. You need to prepare for that. Caring for the mentally ill can be a thankless job. You have my sympathy.